NOTE: This is a response to Hundreds of Proofs of God's Existence by "Godless Geeks"

Hundreds of Proofs of God's Non-Existence

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(entries will be posted anonymously)

ANTI-TRANSCENDENTAL ARGUMENT
(1) If reason exists then God does not exist.
(2) Reason exists.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ANTI-COSMOLOGICAL ARGUMENT
(1) If I say something does not have a cause, it does not have a cause.
(2) I say the universe does not have a cause.
(3) Therefore, the universe does not have a cause.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ANTI-ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (I)
(1) I define God to be something inconceivably absurd.
(2) Since I cannot conceive of that, it must not exist.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ANTI-ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (II)
(1) St. Anselm has a proof for God's existence.
(2) I look at the proof and laugh.
(3) I'm not quite sure how to disprove it.
(4) But I laugh at it all the same.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ANTI-ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (III)
(1) The Ontological Proof for God's existence relies on the assumption that existence is greater than non-existence.
(2) But existence is not greater than non-existence.
(3) Existence is the worst thing there is.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
MODAL ANTI-ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT
(1) God is either necessary or unnecessary.
(2) God is not necessary, therefore God must be unnecessary.
(3) And if something is unnecessary, then it IS necessary ... that it doesn't exist.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MODAL LOGIC (I)
(1) God is either necessary or contingent.
(2) God doesn't exist.
(3) So screw modal logic.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MODAL LOGIC (II)
(1) I am an atheist.
(2) I do not know what modal logic is.
(3) Any proof for God's existence that uses modal logic is not understood by me.
(4) If I don't understand something, then I can make fun of it.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT BY DEFINITION (I)
(1) If you cannot agree on a definition of a thing, then it does not exist.
(2) People cannot agree on a definition of God.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT BY DEFINITION (II)
(1) No one can agree what the definition of "God" is.
(2) But whatever definitions they come up with, it's not going to work.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT BY DEFINITION (III)
(1) The philosopher Baruch Spinoza defines God as nature.
(2) Therefore, nature does not exist.
(3) Well, nature exists.
(4) But God does not exist (even if you equate the term "God" with something I believe in).
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT BY DEFINITION (IV)
(1) The previous argument is ridiculous.
(2) If God is "nature," then of course I believe in "God."
(3) But I'm scared of the word "God."
(4) So, let's stop talking about this.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SEMANTICS
(1) Theist: [Points out a contradiction in the atheist's argument.]
(2) Atheist: "That's just semantics."
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM NIT-PICKINESS
(1) Theist: [Points out a contradiction in the atheist's argument.]
(2) Atheist: "You're just being nit-picky."
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM DISINGENUOUSNESS
(1) Theist: [Points out a contradiction in the atheist's argument.]
(2) Atheist: "Now you're being disingenuous."
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM WINNING THE ARGUMENT
(1) Theist: [Points out a contradiction in the atheist's argument.]
(2) Atheist: "Oh, you're just trying to win the argument."
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM LITERALISM
(1) Theist: [Points out a contradiction in the atheist's argument.]
(2) Atheist: "Oh, you're just taking what I say too 'literally'."
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM UNIVERSAL CONSENSUS (I)
(1) God only exists if Christians agree with each other.
(2) Christians do not always agree with each other.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM UNIVERSAL CONSENSUS (II)
(1) Unlike Christians, atheists always agree with each other.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM UNIVERSAL CONSENSUS (III)
(1) Actually, atheists don't agree on a lot of things.
(2) Atheists don't agree on whether objective morality exists.
(3) Atheists don't agree on whether absolute truth exists.
(4) Atheists don't agree on whether the universe even exists.
(5) Atheists don't agree on whether God exists.
(6) But they all agree on what the atheism is.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM UNIVERSAL CONSENSUS (IV)
(1) Actually, atheists can't even agree on what atheism is.
(2) "Broad" Atheists disbelieve in all gods.
(3) "Narrow" Atheists disbelieve in a particular selection of gods.
(4) "Strong" or "Positive" or "Explicit" or "Hard" Atheists claim that there is no God (or gods).
(5) "Weak" or "Negative" or "Implicit" or "Soft" Atheists merely lack belief that there is a God (or gods).
(6) "Gnostic" Atheists say it's certain that God (or gods) do not exist.
(7) "Strong" Agnostic Atheists say it's impossible to know if God (or gods) exists.
(8) "Weak" Agnostic Atheists say it might be possible someday to know if God (or gods) exists (but not at this very instant).
(9) "Ignostic" or "Igtheistic" Atheists say the term "God" is simply devoid of meaning.
(11) "Pragmatic" Atheists say it's just not important whether God exists.
(11) "Deistic" Atheists say that, in fact, God exists (but He doesn't do a whole lot, aside from creating the universe).
(12) Some atheists think atheism is an opinion.
(13) Some atheists think it's a lack of an opinion.
(14) Some atheists claim that all, some, or none of these qualify as Atheism.
(15) But at least they all call themselves Atheists, and that's what's really important.
(16) Therefore, God does not exist.
MORAL ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Person X, a well-known Christian, was morally inferior to me.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
MORAL ARGUMENT (II)
(1) In my younger days I was a cursing, drinking, smoking, gambling, child-molesting, thieving, murdering, bed-wetting bastard.
(2) I am still that way as an atheist.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
PARENTAL ARGUMENT (I)
(1) My daddy told me that God exists.
(2) I hate my daddy.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
PARENTAL ARGUMENT (II)
(1) My mommy told me that God exists.
(2) My daddy told me that God doesn't exist.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
PARENTAL ARGUMENT (III)
(1) My mommy and daddy told me God exists.
(2) But they want me home by 11 o'clock.
(3) But I know better because I'm in High School.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
PARENTAL ARGUMENT (IV)
(1) My parents were atheists.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM FEAR (I)
(1) If there is no God, then we're all going to stop existing after we die.
(2) I don't want to go to hell.
(3) Therefore, I don't want to be held responsible for my actions.
(4) Therefore, I'm going to assume God doesn't exist, and everything will be okay.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE BIBLE (I)
(1) [arbitrary passage from OT]
(2) [arbitrary passage from NT]
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
MORAL STANDARDS
(1) Immoral actions are worse when done by a Christian.
(2) That's because Christians are supposed to have higher standards.
(3) But some Christians are sinners.
(4) Therefore, we atheists actually have higher standards.
(5) And those that have higher standards are more better.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INTELLIGENCE (I)
(1) Look, there's really no point in me trying to explain the whole thing to you stupid Christians; it's too complicated for you to understand. God doesn't exist whether you like it or not.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SCANDALOUS PAPAL HISTORY
(1) A couple of Popes (out of the 265+ other Popes) were known to have forbidden sex on occasion.
(2) It just goes to show that every single Pope was evil and, for that matter, wrong about every single thing they said.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM UNBELIEF
(1) If God exists, then I should believe in Him.
(2) But, look, I choose not to believe in Him.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THOMAS EDISON
(1) Thomas Edison was an atheist.
(2) He invented the lightbulb.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HISTORICAL EVIDENCE (I)
(1) There's some evidence that Jesus Christ did exist.
(2) But there's not that much.
(3) Therefore, it's stupid to think he existed.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HISTORICAL EVIDENCE (II)
(1) The Gospels cannot be considered historical because the writers thought Jesus was God.
(2) I know that logic invalidates other historical accounts about other people.
(3) For example, it essentially destroys Egyptology, since Egyptian chroniclers saw their Pharaohs as gods too.
(4) But sacrifices must be made for the greater good of atheism.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE INABILITY TO BELIEVE
(1) I admit there are proofs that God does, in fact, exist.
(2) But in all honesty, I still can't see how God exists.
(3) This has nothing to do with my bastard father who was never there for me.
(4) So, I'm being rational and yet unable to accept rational arguments.
(5) And until someone explains to me how I'm pulling that off, I'm afraid it's atheism for me.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE (I)
(1) Atheist: "You shouldn't believe in God because there's no evidence of it."
(2) Theist: "But God revealed Himself to me."
(3) Atheist: "That's not evidence."
(4) Theist: "Why not?"
(5) Atheist: "Because you can't prove it. If you can't prove something, then that means it didn't happen ... even if you actually experienced it."
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE (II)
(1) Atheist: "You shouldn't believe in God because there's no evidence of it."
(2) Theist: "But God revealed Himself to me."
(3) Atheist: "That's not evidence."
(4) Theist: "But it's evidence as far as I'm concerned."
(5) Atheist: "No it's not because I didn't experience it. You shouldn't believe things unless I experience them too."
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE (III)
(1) Atheist: "You shouldn't believe in God because there's no evidence of it."
(2) Theist: "But God revealed Himself to me."
(3) Atheist: "Well, He didn't reveal Himself to me."
(4) Theist: "Well, you should at least be open -"
(5) Atheist: "Shut up."
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MATTER AND ENERGY
(1) Existence is defined by matter or energy.
(2) (No one is allowed to disagree with that.)
(2) God is not composed of matter or energy.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM JUMPING TO A CONCLUSION WITHOUT USING PREMISES (I)
(1) I cannot actually prove God does not exist.
(2) But that won't stop me from drawing the following and very logical conclusion:
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM JUMPING TO A CONCLUSION WITHOUT USING PREMISES (II)
(1) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM BRUCE LEE
(1) Bruce Lee was an atheist.
(2) Bruce Lee knew King Fu.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE SPANISH INQUISITION
(1) The Spanish Inquisition killed pretty much everybody.
(2) That's right. It killed everybody.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM REPRESENTATION
(1) If someone acts badly in the name of another, the latter does not exist.
(2) Some Christians act badly in the name of God.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (I)
(1) There are a lot of false miracles.
(2) Therefore, all miracles could be false.
(3) In fact, yeah, every single miracle is false.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (II)
(1) If there is no evidence for God, God does not exist.
(2) {Christian apologist offers the millions of accounts of miracles reported throughout history}
(3) No, even though I obviously haven't investigated all those stories, I know they're all false.
(4) Therefore, there is no evidence for God.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (III)
(1) A person claimed he saw a miracle.
(2) I didn't see the miracle.
(3) Therefore, that person was lying, hallucinating, or is just a frickin' idiot.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (IV)
(1) I saw a miracle.
(2) However, maybe it wasn't really a miracle.
(3) Therefore, I will firmly deny that it was a miracle.
(4) Therefore, all other miracles are also not miracles.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (V)
(1) There is no evidence for miracles.
(2) The millions of reports of supposed miracles are not evidence.
(3) This is because I'm assuming miracles are impossible.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (VI)
(1) There is lots of evidence for miracles.
(2) But there is no evidence that they were caused by the one true God who created the universe.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (VII)
(1) There is lots of evidence for miracles that involve alleged visions of the one true God who created the universe.
(2) Still, it could all be crap.
(3) Therefore, there is no evidence that God exists.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (VIII)
(1) Miracles cannot exist because they would, by definition, violate the laws of physics.
(2) But the laws of physics cannot be violated.
(3) I did experiments that proved this.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (IX)
(1) Atheist: "It's interesting that miracles conveniently never happen around skeptics."
(2) Theist: "Well, I had a friend who used to be a skeptic until he saw a miracle."
(3) Atheist: "That doesn't count. He's not a skeptic anymore. I'm talking about real skeptics. The ones who stay skeptics even when they see a miracle."
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER (I)
(1) I prayed for X.
(2) I did not get X (at least not right away).
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER (II), a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM MODERN MEDICINE
(1) If one believes in God, then one would avoid using modern medicine to cure diseases and, instead, just pray for healing.
(2) This is because everyone knows that prayer magically neutralizes the beneficial effects of medicine.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM REALITY (I)
(1) Reality is that which I understand as demonstrably true.
(2) I do not understand how the demonstrations of God's existence are true.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM REALITY (II), a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM ANTARCTICA
(1) Reality is that which I understand as demonstrably true.
(2) For example, before Antarctica was discovered, its existence was not demonstratable.
(3) Therefore, Antarctica was not real at that time.
(4) Kind of like how God isn't real unless I say otherwise.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE MEANING OF LIFE (I)
(1) You cannot prove that there is meaning in life.
(2) Therefore, there is no meaning in life.
(3) That's what the meaning of life is really about.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE MEANING OF LIFE (II)
(1) My fellow atheist friend killed himself/herself.
(2) Therefore, I will now insist there IS meaning in life lest more atheists kill themselves over the fact there is no meaning in life.
(3) In fact, there is more meaning in life in a godless universe than there is if God existed.
(4) Yeah! I mean, isn't the universe ... amazing?
(5) People shouldn't be afraid to ... reach out to others!
(6) Blah, blah, blah. Etc.
(7) I hope those vague emotions prevent future suicides among my fellow atheists (even though probably not).
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
SLAVOJ ZIZEK'S ARGUMENT FROM LOVE
(1) Nothing exists, quite literally.
(2) As Quantum Physics says, the universe is just a positively charged void.
(3) "Love" is the thing that caused this cosmic imbalance within nothingness, resulting in the appearence of things.
(4) But the whole of reality is stupid.
(5) Therefore, love is evil.
(6) And, yeah, God obviously doesn't exist either.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ART
(1) Christianity has brainwashed people with beautiful art.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE GOD DELUSION (I)
(1) Richard Dawkins wrote a book.
(2) Anyone who reads the book will cease believing in God.
(3) I read it.
(4) Well, I honestly didn't read it.
(5) But if you read it, you would totally be an atheist.
(6) Trust me on this.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE GOD DELUSION (II)
(1) Richard Dawkins wrote a book.
(2) Now there are bunch of atheists everywhere.
(3) You're next.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
RICKY GERVAIS' ARGUMENT FROM HIS ELDER BROTHER
(1) I used to believe in God.
(2) But my older brother didn't.
(3) My mom told him to be quiet.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISM (I)
(1) God created atheists.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISM (II)
(1) Atheism is simply a lack of belief.
(2) Therefore it cannot be wrong.
(3) Kind of like how, for example, lacking belief in gravity when stepping off a 36-story building cannot be wrong.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISM (III)
(1) To be an atheist, you cannot believe in any god.
(2) Religious people are atheists with respect to all gods except theirs.
(3) But it is a contradiction to believe in some gods and not others.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISM (IV)
(1) One cannot believe in some gods and disbelieve in others.
(2) Therefore, one must either believe in all gods or believe in none.
(3) But to believe in all gods is a contradiction because all gods don't agree with each other.
(4) Therefore, one must believe in no gods.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISM (V)
(1) As said before, you cannot be an atheist with respect to only some gods.
(2) That is like believing in some stories but not others.
(3) Either all stories are true or all of them are false.
(4) But to believe in all possible stories is a contradiction since they would not agree with each other.
(5) Therefore, one has to believe all stories are false.
(6) Therefore, one has to believe all gods are false.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INSECURITY (I)
(1) We (e.g. Godless Geeks) have gone to absolutely berserk lengths to establish that Christians are laughable morons.
(1.5) Actually, we did so in the hopes of curing our own insecurities about atheism -- but there's no chance in hell we'll ever admit that.
(2) Therefore, Christians are laughable morons.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INSECURITY (II)
(1) All belief is a coverup for insecurity.
(2) I believe this firmly.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HIDDEN LOGIC (I)
(1) Intellectually, I know that the existence of God is possible.
(2) But I must put on the appearance of being really convinced God doesn't exist in front of my intimidating anti-theist comrades.
(3) Therefore, I must pretend that (1) is false.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HIDDEN LOGIC (II)
(1) Christians say that God exists.
(2) But they only say that because they want to look holy in front of others.
(3) But I can see through their hypocrisy!
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM EVIL SPIRITS
(1) I've just had contact with evil spirits.
(2) They told me to deny the existence of God.
(3) I'm scared of them.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INSANITY (I)
(1) No sane person could have thought up Christianity.
(2) Therefore, I'll dismiss it, even if it's true.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM EVIL (I)
(1) If there was a God, then there would be no evil.
(2) There is evil.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM EVIL (II)
(1) God tells us that certain things are evil.
(2) There is no such thing as evil.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM QUALITY OF LIFE (I)
(1) Quite simply, a non-believer's quality of life is better than a Christian's.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM QUALITY OF LIFE (II)
(1) Quite simply, a believer's quality of life is better than an atheist's.
(2) That is the real reason people believe in God: it makes people live better lives.
(3) But even if that's true, it's still better to be an atheist.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM IDIOCY
(1) Some atheists are idiots.
(2) But that doesn't mean atheism is false.
(3) Some Christians are idiots.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SWEDEN
(1) There are lots of atheists in Sweden.
(2) Sweden is pretty much the best country ever.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HOMOSEXUALITY (I)
(1) The Bible condemns homosexuality.
(2) I approve of homosexuality.
(3) Not that I'm gay or anything.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HOMOSEXUALITY (II)
(1) The Bible condemns homosexuality.
(2) My nephew is gay.
(3) Therefore, the Bible is wrong.
(4) For the record, I'm not gay.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HOMOSEXUALITY (III)
(1) Honestly, I'm not gay.
(2) Not that there's anything wrong with that.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HOMOSEXUALITY (IV)
(1) Okay, yes, I'm gay.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE INVISIBLE PINK UNICORN
(1) God is like an invisible pink unicorn.
(2) You can't prove that an invisible pink unicorn doesn't exist.
(3) But you can't prove that it does.
(4) Therefore, atheism wins somehow.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
PASTAFARIAN ARGUMENT (I)
(1) God is like a flying spaghetti monster.
(2) Honestly, a flying spaghetti monster.
(3) Isn't that ridiculous?
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
CARL SAGAN'S DRAGON IN MY GARAGE ARGUMENT (I)
(1) God is like an invisible, incorporeal, floating dragon who spits heatless fire in my garage.
(2) You can't disprove that such a creature exists.
(3) However, claims that cannot be tested and are immune to disproof are "veridically worthless."
(4) That's just a convoluted way of me trying to tell you not believe in God for absolutely no reason because we can't come up with any reasons to justify our position in any way.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
CARL SAGAN'S DRAGON IN MY GARAGE ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Crazy Person: "I have a dragon in my garage."
(2) Atheist: "No, you don't."
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
CARL SAGAN'S DRAGON IN MY GARAGE ARGUMENT (III)
(1) Crazy Person: "There is an invisible, incoporeal, floating dragon who spits heatless fire in my garage."
(2) Atheist: "Well, it sounds like I can't disprove that claim. Therefore, the claim is veridically worthless."
(3) Crazy Person: "What does that mean?"
(4) Atheist: "It just means you're a retard."
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
CARL SAGAN'S DRAGON IN MY GARAGE ARGUMENT (IV)
(1) Atheist: "What's the difference between an invisible, incorporeal, floating dragon who spits heatless fire and no dragon at all?"
(2) Theist: "Well, the first dragon might exist, and the second dragon definitely does not exist."
(3) Atheist: "Ha. It was a rhetorical question. The right answer is that they're exactly the same. Neither of them exist. Ha."
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
CARL SAGAN'S DRAGON IN MY GARAGE ARGUMENT (V)
(1) Crazy Person: "I have an invisible dragon in my garage."
(2) Atheist: "How do you know?"
(3) Crazy Person: "Because sometimes it makes itself visible to me."
(4) Atheist: "Yeah right ..." [and then the atheist sees the dragon in the garage appear for a brief second]
(5) Crazy Person: "There! Did you see it!?"
(6) Atheist: "Ah crap. I did. Well, maybe dragons exist after all. But that doesn't mean God does!" [followed by maniacal cackle]
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SANTA CLAUS
(1) Santa Claus does not exist.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO PROVE A NEGATIVE (I)
(1) Atheist: "There is no God."
(2) Theist: "Prove it."
(3) Atheist: "You can't prove a negative."
(4) Theist: "So you can't prove that God doesn't exist?"
(5) Atheist: "Right. So don't ask me to prove it. Just agree with me."
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO PROVE A NEGATIVE (II)
(1) Atheist: "There is no God."
(2) Theist: "Prove it."
(3) Atheist: "You can't prove a negative."
(4) Theist: "So you're claiming something that can't be proven?"
(5) Atheist: "Whatever. I bet you can't prove what you're saying either."
(6) Theist: "Well-"
(7) Atheist: "Ha, see? You can't do it, can you? If you can't prove your position, that means you're wrong. Bam!"
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO PROVE A NEGATIVE (III)
(1) Atheist: "There is no God."
(2) Theist: "Prove it."
(3) Atheist: "You can't prove a negative."
(4) Theist: "Yes you can: you can prove that square circles don't exist, that this ball I'm about to drop won't float to the ceiling, that the word 'Yidjakqg' isn't in this dictionary."
(5) Atheist: "Nice work at trying to change the subject. I'm talking about God. Not 'square circles' or stupid crap like that."
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO PROVE A NEGATIVE (IV)
(1) You can't prove a negative.
(2) The statement "You can't prove a negative" is itself a negative.
(3) Therefore, you can't prove that you can't prove a negative.
(4) Therefore, you can't criticize me for insisting that negatives can't be proven.
(5) So, when you say, "You can't prove that God does not exist" and I say, "You can't prove a negative," then you can't say anything else after that.
(6) I win the argument forever.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE BURDEN OF PROOF (I)
(1) If one cannot prove the existence of something, then one must try to prove it anyway (and thus automatically fail).
(2) If one cannot prove the non-existence of something, then one does not need to try (because they automatically win somehow).
(3) It cannot be proved whether God exists or does not exist.
(4) But if God's existence cannot be proved, all efforts to prove it will fail.
(5) And any effort (or lack thereof) to NOT prove God's non-existence will automatically win somehow.
(6) Therefore, atheists automatically win every argument.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE BURDEN OF PROOF (II)
(1) You should not believe that which has not been proven.
(2) Mathematical axioms have not been proven.
(3) But one must take exception to them, as well as with other things that we like.
(4) However, one must never take exception to this with regard to God, religion, or other things that just suck.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM IGNORANCE (I)
(1) If there is no evidence that a thing exists, then that thing doesn't exist.
(2) Even though the world is a big place, I was very thorough and found that there is absolutely no evidence whatsoever for God anywhere in the entire universe, past, present, or future.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM IGNORANCE (II)
(1) Atheist: "God doesn't exist because there's no evidence."
(2) Theist: "Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence."
(3) Atheist: "Ooooh, don't you feel smart?"
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM BEGGING THE QUESTION
(1) If God does not exist, God does not exist.
(2) God does not exist.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
NON-SEQUITUR ARGUMENT
(1) Atheist: "No miracle has ever been confirmed by science."
(2) Theist: "Even if that's true, are you saying that disproves God's existence?"
(3) Atheist: "The Church hates gays."
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
RED HERRING ARGUMENT
(1) You know why religion is stupid?
(2) Because science can put a man on the moon!
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INCREDULITY
(1) The Existence of God is too incredible.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SAD CASE
(1) I'm lonely and my life sucks.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM LABELING, a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM POPULARITY
(1) If you are a Christian, then you're a geek.
(2) Geeks are unpopular at school; no one cares about them.
(3) The popular kids are not Christian.
(4) So you shouldn't be either, if you want to be popular.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ILLOGICAL RATIONALISM, a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM UNKNOWABLE, INEFFABLE, INCOMPREHENSIBLE, TRANSCENDENT, AND SUPERNATURAL
(1) Some say God is beyond the limits of logic.
(2) Therefore, you cannot use logic to disprove God.
(3) Thus, I can use logic to disprove God.
(4) In fact, I think I just did.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ANTI-TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Some say that in order for a thing to have a purpose, it must be assigned a purpose by an intelligent being.
(2) Since God does not exist, all natural things do not have purpose.
(3) Now I have to say, for example, that our eyes do not have the purpose of seeing.
(4) Even though it's pretty obvious they do.
(5) But sometimes you just gotta go and say silly stuff like that to maintain atheism.
(6) Therefore, nothing has a purpose.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF IMAGINATION
(1) I cannot imagine how God could possibly exist.
(2) Except, maybe, as a kind of ripped, wise-looking old man with a majestic beard.
(3) Other than that, my imagination totally malfunctions.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SELF-KNOWING, a.k.a. AUTO-EPISTEMIC
(1) If God exists then I would know it.
(2) I do not know it.
(3) And I don't care if other people might know it.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM GNOSTIC ATHEISM
(1) Technically, you cannot prove that God does not exist.
(2) But some atheists think you can.
(3) Their arguments are stupid ... but at least they're atheists.
(4) So, I'm not going to criticize them.
(5) I'm only going to criticize religious people in every conceivable fashion, even though, I admit, I technically can't prove that they're wrong.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
BETRAND RUSSELL'S COSMIC TEAPOT ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Belief in God is exactly the same as the belief in a small, undetectable teapot orbiting the sun.
(2) The existence of both can neither be proved nor disproved.
(3) Therefore, no matter what, you must assumethe teapot does not exist.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
BETRAND RUSSELL'S COSMIC TEAPOT ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Belief in God is exactly the same as the belief in a small, undetectable teapot orbiting the sun.
(2) With some exceptions.
(3) God has purportedly revealed Himself to lots of people, thus making Himself detectable at least on certain occasions.
(4) Cultures have independently come to believe that God exists.
(5) Great philosophers throughout the ages have strongly affirmed God's existence.
(6) And then there's some alleged "proofs" about how God is ontologically necessary, whereas all material things (e.g. teapots) necessarily aren't.
(7) But other than that, they're exactly the same.
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
BERTRAND RUSSELL'S ARGUMENT FROM TRUTH
(1) Either a thing is true or it isn't.
(2) If it is true, you should believe it.
(3) If it isn't, you shouldn't.
(4) If you can't find out whether it's true or whether it isn't, you should suspend judgment.
(5) But even though I should probably suspend judgment on God's existence, I'm going to go ahead and assume He doesn't exist anyway.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
BERTRAND RUSSELL'S ARGUMENT FROM VALHALLA
(1) I don't deny the existence of the Christian God.
(2) I believe in the Christian God as much as I believe in Thor.
(3) But I do not believe in Thor.
(4) Therefore, I do not believe in the Christian God.
(5) So, you can see where this is going.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
BERTRAND RUSSELL'S ARGUMENT FROM DEATHBED CONVERSIONS
(1) People claim that some atheists convert on their deathbed.
(2) But those are lies.
(3) I'm Bertrand Russell.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM COMMON SENSE (I)
(1) Everyone knows that it's against common sense to believe in God.
(2) The overwhelming, vast majority of people throughout history have believed in God.
(3) This proves that common sense is not actually that common ... in fact, only atheists have it.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM TSUNAMIS (I)
(1) A tsunami killed a bunch of people.
(2) As an atheist who didn't experience it, I nonetheless proclaim that the emotional experience taught everybody that God does not exist.
(3) What? Most of those tsunami victims believe in God and have found meaning in the experience because of that?
(4) They're just emotionally confused because of their horrible experience.
(5) I'm objective, however, because I didn't experience it.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM TSUNAMIS (II)
(1) A tsunami killed a bunch of people.
(2) It's more comforting to think that there is no God and it happened for no reason.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM TSUNAMIS (III)
(1) A tsunami killed a bunch of people.
(2) For people to find comfort in the belief that God exists and that it happened for a reason is pathetic and stupid.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM UNIVERSE CREATION (I)
(1) I define "Universe" as everything that exists.
(2) God could not have created the Universe because under this definition, He would have created Himself.
(3) If you object to my definition of "Universe," you can go screw yourself.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM UNIVERSE CREATION (II)
(1) Some people don't agree that the term "Universe" refers to everything that exists.
(2) But I insist that it does.
(3) So, refer back to the previous proof.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM UNIVERSE CREATION (III)
(1) I define "Universe" as everything that exists.
(2) Whatever made the universe exist is an exception to this.
(3) God, however, is not an exception.
(4) That is, God did not create the universe, but rather the thing that DID create the universe was the thing that created it.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM UNIVERSE CREATION (IV)
(1) I define "Universe" as everything that exists.
(2) God could not have created the Universe because under this definition, He would have created Himself.
(3) But that's impossible because things that do not exist cannot cause things to exist.
(4) Hence, God did not create the universe.
(5) Therefore, the universe was caused by nothing.
(6) This is because nothingness can cause things to exist.
(7) This is because nothingness is non-existence, and non-existence always exists.
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM UNIVERSE CREATION (V), a.k.a. CARL SAGAN'S COSMOLOGICAL TIME-SAVER ARGUMENT
(1) Theists claim God always existed.
(2) Atheists claim the universe always existed.
(3) Why don't we "save a step" and just say the universe always existed?
(4) We can then use that "step" for something else where the need for it is greater (God knows "steps" are in short supply).
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM QUANTUM PHYSICS (I)
(1) Some particles seem to come into existence from nowhere.
(2) Either God is creating them or nothing is creating them.
(3) It makes more sense that nothing is creating them.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INFINITY (I)
(1) God is infinite.
(2) But if He was infinite, then He would also be finite.
(3) Otherwise, He would lack something and thus be finite.
(4) But He is infinite.
(5) Therefore, the concept of an infinite God is absurd.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INFINITY (II)
(1) The very concept of infinity is a contradiction.
(2) If infinity was really infinite, then it would also be finite.
(3) Otherwise, it would lack something and thus be finite.
(4) But infinity is infinite.
(5) God is also infinite and thus also a contradiction like the concept of infinity.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISTIC RELIGIONS
(1) Religions are stupid because they believe in god(s).
(2) Some religions (e.g. Buddhism, Scientology) do not believe in god(s).
(3) But they are still stupid because they are religions, as explained in (1).
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE SAGAN STANDARD (I)
(1) Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.
(2) The claim that God exists is extraordinary.
(3) Therefore, any evidence supporting it ought to be extraordinary as well.
(4) I'm not sure what I mean by "extraordinary."
(5) But whatever you come up with, it's not going to work.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE SAGAN STANDARD (II)
(1) Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.
(2) The claim that God exists is extraordinary.
(3) Therefore, any evidence supporting it ought to be extraordinary as well.
(4) There are millions of extraordinary reports regarding miracles and visions of God throughout history.
(5) And although they may qualify as "extraordinary," this is not what I meant.
(6) I was looking for more ordinary evidence, like the stuff used to detect bacteria, etc.
(7) But such evidence would not be extraordinary and thus not support the existence of God.
(8) Therefore, the evidence that God exists does not exist.
(9) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE SAGAN STANDARD (III)
(1) Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.
(2) When I say "extraordinary" I mean "supernatural."
(3) The claim that God exists is extraordinary and thus supernatural.
(4) Therefore, any evidence for God ought to be supernatural as well.
(5) However, any supernatural evidence that you point to cannot be accepted by science.
(6) This is because the supernatural, by definition, is beyond science.
(7) Hence, it is beyond the criteria for evidence.
(8) Therefore, I reject it a priori.
(9) Therefore, extraordinary evidence, by definition, does not exist.
(10) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM RELIGION
(1) I think that religion X is wrong.
(2) Therefore, all religions are wrong.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTIFIC PROGRESS (I)
(1) When a country is the most scientifically advanced in the world, it's a sign that they're right about everything.
(2) Nazi Germany was the most scientifically advanced country in the world.
(3) Therefore, Nazi Germany was ...
(4) Well, that's an exception.
(5) Nazis were bad.
(6) And Hitler said he believed in God ... right?
(7) Therefore, atheism is right about everything.
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTIFIC PROGRESS (II)
(1) The United States of America is one of the most scientifically advanced countries in the world.
(2) But the United States is the country with the most creationists in it.
(3) Creationism makes countries not scientifically advanced.
(4) Therefore, the United States is not scientifically advanced.
(5) But that's a contradiction because the United States is, in fact, scientifically advanced.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM CREATIONISM
(1) People who believe in Creationism are wrong.
(2) Most Christians actually do not believe in creationism.
(3) But some do.
(4) Therefore, all Christians are wrong.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM GALILEO (I)
(1) The Church disagreed with Galileo.
(2) Galileo was right about everything.
(3) The Church was wrong about everything.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM GALILEO (II)
(1) Galileo was really awesome.
(2) Galileo invented the telescope.
(3) Galileo discovered sunspots.
(4) Galileo dropped stuff off the Leaning Tower of Pisa and discovered the Law of Falling Bodies.
(5) Galileo came up with the heliocentric model of the universe and proved it was true.
(6) But the Church tortured Galileo because they hated science.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM GALILEO (III)
(1) Well, maybe all that stuff was false.
(2) Hans Lippershey (not Galileo) invented the telescope.
(3) David Fabricius (not Galileo) discovered sunspots.
(4) Nicole Oresme (not Galileo) came up with the Law of Falling Bodies (and Galileo never actually dropped anything off the Tower of Pisa).
(5) Nicolaus Copernicus (not Galileo) actually came up with the heliocentric theory (and Copernicus was never persecuted by the Church).
(6) Galileo actually failed to prove that the heliocentric model was more accurate than the popular geocentric one.
(7) Galileo was never actually tortured either.
(8) But Galileo "knew in his heart" that he was right, despite the available evidence against him.
(9) Therefore, the Church was foolish to point out any weaknesses in his arguments.
(10) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM FLAT-EARTH
(1) Those who believe the earth is flat are wrong.
(2) People who believe in God also believe the earth is flat.
(3) Therefore, people who believe in God are wrong.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MIGHT MAKES RIGHT (I)
(1) Might does not make right.
(2) The Catholic Church was the dominant power back in the Middle Ages.
(3) Therefore, the Church was obviously not right.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MIGHT MAKES RIGHT (II)
(1) Might makes right.
(2) The Catholic Church was the dominant power back in the Middle Ages.
(3) That made the Church right.
(4) However, the Church isn't dominant anymore.
(5) Therefore, the Church is no longer right.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ANTI-METAPHYSICAL ARGUMENT (I)
(1) We cannot know what exists outside the mind.
(2) Therefore, we cannot know whether God exists outside the mind.
(3) Therefore, we CAN know that God does not exist.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM POST-DEATH EXPERIENCE (I)
(1) Person X died a theist.
(2) He now realizes he was wrong because he doesn't exist anymore.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM POST-DEATH EXPERIENCE (II)
(1) Person X died an atheist.
(2) He now realizes he was right because he doesn't exist anymore.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
SIGMUND FREUD'S ARGUMENT FROM OEDIPUS
(1) The belief in God arises from the unconscious fear that your father is going to castrate you when he finds out you have a desire to sleep with your own mother.
(2) Obviously, only a crazy person would think that.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM EYEWITNESSES
(1) No one has ever seen God.
(2) I know this somehow.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE CRUSADES
(1) If God exists, He would not have let the Church defend itself from aggressive Muslim invaders.
(2) But the Church did defend itself from aggressive Muslim invaders.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM AGNOSTICISM (I)
(1) I don't know and you don't know either.
(2) And even if you claim you know, I know that, in fact, you're just full of crap.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM AGNOSTICISM (II)
(1) Technically, I'm an agnostic.
(2) But I like calling myself an atheist.
(3) It sounds like I have bigger balls that way.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM AGNOSTICISM (III)
(1) Technically, I'm an agnostic.
(2) But I always say stuff like "There is no God" and criticize theists for believing in God as if I knew for sure that there was no God, even though I technically don't.
(3) But if you're going to criticize me for that, you're just desperate to find fault with atheism.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM AGNOSTICISM (IV)
(1) Technically, I shouldn't say "God does not exist."
(2) But I should definitely not say "God exists."
(3) But for all practical purposes, I'll just say, "God does not exist."
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM JUST BEING A RETARD
(1) Even though I can't disprove certain religions, I'm going to assume that they're all false.
(2) And I'm going to use every ounce of energy to promote the idea that they're all evil.
(3) Even though I admit I can't prove any of this.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HELL (I)
(1) God says that I'm going to go to hell if I deny him.
(2) I deny Him, so I guess I'm going to hell.
(3) Ha. No, I'm not.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MOUNTAINS
(1) People used to think gods lived on Mt. Olympus.
(2) We've climbed Mt. Olympus and there were no gods there.
(3) Therefore, pagan gods are false.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM GENIUS
(1) I am an atheist.
(2) I'm a smart person.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM LOGIC (I)
(1) I am an atheist and thus use logic.
(2) I laugh when Christians use logic.
(3) Honestly, who do they think they are?
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM LOGIC (II)
(1) I am an atheist and thus use logic.
(2) I don't really know what logic is.
(3) I've neither read a book nor taken a course on logic.
(4) But I'm logical, you better believe it.
(5) You better watch out, you God people.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INDIGENOUS FOLKS (I)
(1) Theist: "Most indigenous folks all over the world started believing in gods independently."
(2) Atheist: "Many indigenous folks started eating each other, also independently."
(3) Theist: "So what are you saying?"
(4) Atheist: "That cannibalism doesn't exist. I mean, God does not exist. You know what I mean."
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INDIGENOUS FOLKS (II)
(1) Atheism has appeared in every culture independently.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ADULTERY
(1) I'm sleeping with another man's wife.
(2) I don't feel like believing in God right now.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SPAGHETTI
(1) A few people saw something weird in a bowl of spaghetti.
(2) Some Catholics believe that it was the Virgin Mary.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM BIBLICAL PROPHECY
(1) The Bible made some prophecies.
(2) Some of the prophecies came true.
(3) Coincidence?
(4) I think so.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PROOF (I)
(1) If you cannot prove something, it doesn't exist.
(2) I cannot prove that God exists.
(3) Or rather, I tried a couple of times, but I honestly couldn't come up with anything good within the last few of seconds or so.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PROOF (II)
(1) You cannot prove God does not exist.
(2) But you cannot prove God does exist.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM POSTMODERNISM
(1) I cannot prove there isn't a God any more than anyone of us can prove we really exist in a tangible world.
(2) But I'm going to believe in a tangible world anyway.
(3) Yeah.
(4) And I'm not going to believe in God.
(5) So ... there.
(6) How about that?
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PROOFABLENESS
(1) You can prove anything.
(2) You can prove that God exists.
(3) You can prove that God does not exist.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PROOFLESSNESS
(1) You can't prove anything.
(2) You cannot prove that God exists.
(3) You cannot prove that God doesn't exist.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SPEAKING IN TONGUES
(1) Padre Pio [or some saint] could speak to people in their native language even if he never learned it.
(2) No, he didn't.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM RELATIVISM
(1) If you believe in God, then God exists for you.
(2) If I don't believe in God, then God doesn't exist for me.
(3) I'm not you.
(4) I'm me.
(5) I don't care about you.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM LIGHTNING (I)
(1) If God exists, then let Him strike me down.
(2) God does not strike me down.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM LIGHTING (II)
(1) If God exists, then let Him strike me down.
(2) God does not strike me ... aaaaaahhh!!!
ARGUMENT FROM LIGHTING (III)
(1) That last argument never actually happened.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM LIGHTING (IV)
(1) If you ask a person to kill you and they don't, then that person do not exist.
(2) I asked God to kill me.
(3) He didn't kill me.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM EVIDENCE, a.k.a. BABELFISH ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Any evidence would be against faith.
(2) Without faith, God does not exist.
(3) Evidence for God exists.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE SIGNS
(1) Some old Church lady said she received a sign from God about something.
(2) That old Church lady is stupid.
(3) And she's old.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MULTIPLE CHOICE (I)
(1) If there are many possible answers to a question, then all of them are false.
(2) There are many religions.
(3) Therefore, all of them are false.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MULTIPLE CHOICE (II)
(1) If there are many conflicting beliefs about something, they are all wrong.
(2) There are many beliefs about God.
(3) Therefore, all beliefs about God are wrong.
(4) Therefore, the belief about God not existing is right.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM WOMEN
(1) The Church looks down upon women.
(2) More women go to Church than men.
(3) This shows that religion is just emotional.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INVISIBILITY
(1) God is invisible.
(2) Therefore, I can't see God.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM UNIVERSAL DESTRUCTION
(1) A Christian said the world was going to end tomorrow.
(2) He was wrong.
(3) Therefore, Christianity has been one tangled web of lies.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SINS I LIKE
(1) I like abortion.
(2) But the Church says abortion is evil.
(3) I know, I'll just deny God exists.
(4) There ... better.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINST PASCAL'S WAGER (I)
(1) If God exists, it would really suck.
(2) If God didn't exist, I would feel a lot better.
(3) Thus I shouldn't believe in God because it's logically the best bet.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINST PASCAL'S WAGER (II)
(1) Some claim that it's better to believe in God just in case He exists.
(2) I say, however, that it's better to not believe in God just in case He doesn't exist.
(3) It makes so much more sense.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINST PASCAL'S WAGER (III)
(1) Some claim that it's better to be believe in God just in case He exists.
(2) But you should only believe something if it's true, not because it's safer to believe.
(3) For example, you shouldn't believe that it's harmful to jump off a building simply because it's a safer belief.
(4) You should believe it because it's true.
(5) And if you don't know for sure if it's true, then you should not believe it and feel free to jump off the nearest building.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PRAGMATISM
(1) God exists for those who are comforted by the thought.
(2) I am not comforted by the thought.
(3) Let's just say I've done some things that I'm not proud of.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OBJECTIVE MORALITY (I)
(1) If God created everything, He did not create morality.
(2) Assuming God exists and He created everything, He still didn't create morality, as noted above.
(3) And if God didn't create morality, then God did not create everything, which contradicts (1).
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OBJECTIVE MORALITY (II)
(1) If there was a God, there would be objective morality.
(2) There isn't objective morality.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OBJECTIVE MORALITY (III)
(1) If God can determine morality, then he can make murder good.
(2) But murder is not good, even if you grant that God can make murder good.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OBJECTIVE MORALITY (IV)
(1) Atheist: "Would you kill an innocent person if God told you to?"
(2) Theist: "Yes."
(3) Atheist: "Ha. You're a psychopath. That would always be wrong."
(4) Theist: "What's your source of morality?"
(5) Atheist: "Nature. Or something like that."
(6) Theist: "If nature was different such that it was morally obligatory to kill an innocent person, would you do it?"
(7) Atheist: "No. That would always be wrong. Even if the very source of all morality that I believe in indicates otherwise."
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OBJECTIVE MORALITY (V)
(1) Theist: "Murder is wrong because God says so."
(2) Atheist: "No, murder is wrong because murder is wrong."
(3) Theist: "So ... could I say God exists because God exists?"
(4) Atheist: "Nope. That would be stupid reasoning."
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM EUTHYPHRO'S DILEMMA (I)
(1) God either decides what morality is or simply tells us what morality is.
(2) If God decides what morality is, then God could change morality at any time.
(3) Therefore, morality is just as mutable as it would be if there was no God.
(4) And if that was the case, then it doesn't matter whether God exists or not.
(5) In which case, it would be better not to believe in God.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM EUTHYPHRO'S DILEMMA (II)
(1) God either decides what morality is or simply tells us what morality is.
(2) If God simply tells us what morality is, then morality does not come from God.
(3) Therefore, morality must have come from somewhere else, such as nature, even though God would have created nature.
(4) But even assuming God exists and he created everything (including nature), he is still not the source of morality for some reason.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM EUTHYPHRO'S DILEMMA (III)
(1) Theist: "If God cannot be the source of morality, then what is?"
(2) Atheist: "Nature. Or something like that."
(3) Theist: "But if God exists and is the source of nature, then wouldn't He ultimately be the source of morality? He would have been the one to decide what nature would be like and thus what morality would be like."
(4) Atheist: "Shut up, faggot."
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INDIFFERENCE
(1) I'm not against religion or the belief in God, I just don't care either way.
(2) Therefore, I am an atheist.
(3) But I really hate Christianity.
(4) Don't even get me started.
(5) But again, I don't really care either way.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM BRITISH ACCENTS
(1) Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens have British accents.
(2) People who have British accents are smart.
(3) Dawkins and Hitchens are atheists.
(4) Therefore, they must know what they're talking about.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE PERFECTION (I)
(1) God is an infinitely perfect being.
(2) The only reason for something to act is for some benefit.
(3) But God is infinitely perfect so He cannot get any more benefits.
(4) Therefore, God has no reason to act.
(5) Therefore, God does not act.
(6) Therefore, God does not even exist.
(7) Oh, and I've assumed here that God does not possess "selfless love," of course.
(8) Otherwise, He WOULD have reason to act ... namely, for the benefit of others.
(9) However, that would just ruin my argument.
(10) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE PERFECTION (II)
(1) A perfect being lacks nothing.
(2) A desire to be loved implies a need and thus a lack.
(3) Therefore, anyone who desires to be loved is imperfect.
(4) God wants to be loved.
(5) Therefore, God is imperfect.
(6) Oh, and I've assumed here that love never benefits those who love, just those who are loved.
(7) For example, when one loves reading philosophy, it's of no actual benefit to the reader but only to philosophy.
(8) Otherwise, God's desire to be loved may not indicate imperfection within Himself but imperfection within others, whom He selflessly seeks to benefit by getting them to care about "perfection" (or about "God", since they say God is Perfection).
(9) But, if you ignore that stupid, little fact, my argument works amazingly.
(10) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE PERFECTION (III)
(1) If God has selfless love, He acts only for the benefit of others.
(2) However, God can only benefit others if they exist.
(3) But others would not exist unless God created them.
(4) But God would not have created them since existence would not have benefitted them.
(5) Except, of course, insofar as it would then be possible for them to be benefitted (the only exception).
(6) Therefore, God had no reason to create the universe.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM FREE WILL (I)
(1) If God knows the future, free will doesn't exist.
(2) This is because if one knows something is going to happen, then it necessarily won't happen.
(3) God knows everyone's future choices.
(4) Therefore, everyone's future choices will not come to pass.
(5) But it's absurd to say that a thing in the future will not happen in the future.
(6) Therefore, either (2) is wrong or no one (even God) can know the future.
(7) Even though (2) is obviously wrong, I'm going to say it's true anyway.
(8) Therefore, God does not know the future.
(9) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM FREE WILL (II)
(1) If God knows the future, free will doesn't exist.
(2) This is because if you know a thing, you become the cause of that thing.
(3) God knows our future choices.
(4) Therefore, God is the cause of our future choices.
(5) Therefore, we are not the cause of our own choices.
(6) But if we are not the cause of our own choices, then our choices are not actually our choices.
(7) But if we don't make choices, then God can't know our future choices.
(8) And if God can't know our future choices, it is only then that our free will remains intact.
(9) So to preserve free will, God can't have foreknowledge of our future choices.
(10) Now, even though this argument rests upon a stupid premise ("If you know a thing, you become the cause of that thing"), I assure you the rest of the argument makes complete sense.
(11) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM FREE WILL (III)
(1) All our actions are determined by the laws of physics.
(2) Therefore, we do not have free will.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM FREE WILL (IV)
(1) If God exists, He created sin.
(2) That is, He forced people to choose evil by their own free will.
(3) However, it's a contradiction to force a person to choose something by their own free will.
(4) Therefore, God did not create sin.
(5) However, this contradicts (1).
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SUFFERING (I)
(1) If God exists, He created suffering.
(2) But if God exists, He would not have created suffering.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SUFFERING (II)
(1) A good person would not allow others to suffer.
(2) For example, a good father would never punish his children.
(3) He would never allow them to make any mistakes.
(4) He would shelter them from all possible discomfort.
(5) Because that is how you make people good.
(6) But God allows us to feel pain sometimes.
(7) Therefore, God is not good.
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SUFFERING (III)
(1) Suffering is necessary for building character.
(2) God wants us to go to heaven, where there will be no suffering.
(3) How boring is that?
(4) Therefore, God does not really care about us.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SUFFERING (IV)
(1) God is a pansy.
(2) Love is weakness.
(3) It's all about survival of the fittest.
(4) If you don't endure life's challenges, then you're pathetic.
(5) Your God is the complete opposite of that.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OCKHAM'S RAZOR (I)
(1) If something is complicated, then it does not exist.
(2) God makes things complicated.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE SIMPLICITY (I), a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM OCKHAM'S FIVE-O'CLOCK SHADOW
(1) If something is too simple, then it does not exist.
(2) God makes things too simple.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ORDER (I)
(1) There is order in the universe.
(2) This order happened by accident.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ORDER (II)
(1) If God exists, there would be order in the universe.
(2) There is no order in the universe.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ORDER (III)
(1) If God exists, there would be order in the universe.
(2) There is some order in the universe, but not that much.
(3) In fact, it's at a certain amount such that it indicates God does not exist.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ORDER (IV)
(1) There is order in the universe.
(2) This order explains away the need for God.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE PRINCIPLE OF INSUFFICIENT REASON
(1) Either something exists for a reason or does not.
(2) The universe either exists for a reason or does not.
(3) The more reasonable position is that the universe exists for no reason.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ANGER (I)
(1) I'm pissed off right now.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM RACISM (I)
(1) Lots of white people believe in Jesus.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM RACISM (II)
(1) Lots of black people believe in Jesus.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM BLINDNESS
(1) Christians are intellectually blind.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SMUGNESS
(1) God doesn't exist.
(2) I don't give a crap whether you believe it or not; I have better things to do than try to convince you morons.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
JEAN-PAUL SATRES' EXISTENTIAL ARGUMENT
(1) I'm going to believe that there is no God just because I choose to will it.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM STEADFAST DOUBT
(1) A lot of really cool people did not believe in God their entire lives.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ASSUMPTION
(1) God does not exist.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INFANTILE INTELLIGENCE (I)
(1) Everyone is born an atheist.
(2) Therefore, we should think like that.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM REPRODUCTION (I)
(1) If God existed, He would not allow new children to be brought into this godless world.
(2) New children are still being brought into this godless world.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM REPRODUCTION (II)
(1) Darwin says that those who reproduce survive.
(2) Religious people reproduce more than atheists.
(3) In fact, atheists don't reproduce that much.
(4) But atheists will survive anyway.
(5) And then religious people will be extinct.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OMNIPOTENCE (I)
(1) I don't understand what you mean by "omnipotence."
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OMNIPOTENCE (II)
(1) If God is omnipotent, God can do things that He can't do.
(2) Otherwise, there would be somethings that He can't do, and thus not be omnipotent.
(3) But it's absurd to say that God can do what He can't do.
(4) Therefore, omnipotence is absurd.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OMNIPOTENCE (III)
(1) Some say that "omnipotence" refers to the ability to do anything except break the principle of non-contradiction.
(2) In other words, God cannot do things that are logically absurd.
(3) Well, I insist that omnipotence include the logically absurd.
(4) Because then I can prove omnipotence is logically absurd.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OMNISCIENCE (I)
(1) I don't understand what you mean by "omniscience."
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OMNISCIENCE (II)
(1) An omniscient being knows everything.
(2) But if a being is omniscient, it would know what it does not know.
(3) Otherwise, it would not know something and thus not be omniscient.
(4) But it is impossible for one to know what one does not know.
(5) Therefore, omniscience is a contradiction.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OMNISCIENCE (III)
(1) If a being is omniscient, it would know what it does not know.
(2) This is similar to how everything includes the absence of everything.
(3) If it didn't, everything would lack something.
(4) But everything cannot include the absence of everything, otherwise it would lack everything.
(5) Therefore, the concept of everything is absurd.
(6) Therefore, everything does not exist.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OMNIBENEVOLENCE (I), a.k.a. SAM HARRIS' IMAGINARY ARGUMENT
(1) Bad things happen.
(2) This means God is impotent, evil, or imaginary.
(3) If God is impotent, then He's not powerful and thus doesn't exist.
(4) If God is evil, then He's not good and thus doesn't exist.
(5) If God is imaginary, then God doesn't exist.
(6) Now some theists claim God allows bad things to happen to bring about a greater good.
(7) This would mean God might still be omnipotent, omnibenevolent, and real.
(8) I don't know any rational argument to disprove that.
(9) So, I'll make this appeal to emotion: it's callous to tell people that their suffering is meaningful.
(10) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OMNIBENEVOLENCE (II)
(1) If you are able to stop someone from making a mistake, you are obligated to stop them no matter what.
(2) God is able to stop us from making a mistake by taking away our free will.
(3) But people obviously keep on making mistakes by their own free will.
(4) Only a tyrannical, evil God would give people free will.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OMNIPRESENCE
(1) Only material things can occupy space.
(2) God is not material.
(3) Therefore, God cannot occupy space.
(4) Therefore, God cannot be everywhere.
(5) This is somewhat like gravity.
(6) Gravity isn't material and yet it exists everywhere.
(7) But even though gravity is real, God is not.
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM BEAUTY
(1) I think the universe is much more beautiful if it happened by accident.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM RESURRECTION
(1) Proof of God's existence will be available when you rise bodily from your grave.
(2) Too bad that's not going to happen.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM STALIN
(1) Stalin was an atheist.
(2) He killed millions of people just like religious people did throughout history.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISM (VI)
(1) If God exists, He would not have made me an atheist.
(2) I am an atheist.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM NUMBERS
(1) Most people believe in God.
(2) But they are all wrong.
(3) We intelligent, happy few know better.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INFINITE REGRESS (I)
(1) Christians claim that God created the universe.
(2) But who created God?
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INFINITE REGRESS (II)
(1) Christian: "God created the Big Bang."
(2) Atheist: "But who created God?"
(3) Christian: "God always existed."
(4) Atheist: "Then, you've answered your own question."
(5) Christian: "I didn't ask a question."
(6) Atheist: "Ah, yes, but you did ... you did." [followed by an awkward silence]
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INFINITE REGRESS (III)
(1) If you're asked what caused the Big Bang, admit that you don't know.
(2) If you're asked whether God could have caused it, admit that it's possible.
(3) But then make fun of that possibility as if it were in fact impossible.
(4) That should confuse them.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM IMPROBABILITY
(1) God's existence is extremely improbable.
(2) Scientists have calculated this.
(3) They did experiments and maths.
(4) I checked.
(5) It pans out.
(6) You'd be a fool to deny it.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINST G.K. CHESTERTON (I), a.k.a. THE BLACK SWAN ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Atheist: "Well, can you tell me any man of intellect, great in science or philosophy, who accepted the miraculous?"
(2) Chesterton: "With pleasure. Descartes, Dr. Johnson, Newton, Faraday, Newman, Gladstone, Pasteur, Browning, Brunetiere - as many more as you please."
(3) Atheist: "Oh, but of course they had to say that; they were Christians."
(4) The atheist's argument, as Chesterton summed it up was: "All men that count have come to my conclusion; for if they come to your conclusion they do not count."
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINST G.K. CHESTERTON (II), a.k.a. THE BLACK SWAN ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Some intellectual men of intellect, great in science or philosophy, have been Christian.
(2) This proves that they either are not great intellects or are not really Christian.
(3) Therefore, no man of intellect, great in science or philosophy, are Christian.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HUMAN NECESSITY (I)
(1) Atheists say that they don't need God.
(2) Which just goes to show that they're right about that.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HUMAN NECESSITY (II)
(1) People believe in God because they have a need for God.
(2) Which just goes to show that God doesn't exist.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HUMAN NECESSITY (III)
(1) People believe in God because they have a need for God.
(2) This is kind of like how people believe in food because they need food.
(3) But if food really existed, then people wouldn't be hungry.
(4) Likewise, people obviously need God.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
CHURCH ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Lots of people go to church.
(2) Those people are stupid.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINST SOLIPSISM
(1) Atheist: "Reality is that which can be demonstrated."
(2) Solipsist: "That's why I only believe in myself and dismiss everything else as an illusion."
(3) Atheist: "Wait, what? You're retarded. You mean you don't believe in a world outside your own mind?"
(4) Solipsist: "That's right. I don't even believe you exist."
(5) Atheist: "But I do exist. You can see me."
(6) Solipsist: "I have a sensory image of 'you' but you can't prove that 'you' exist ... or anything else for that matter."
(7) Atheist: "Well, you're a moron."
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM "THE MATRIX" (I)
(1) We cannot prove that we don't live in a Matrix-like world.
(2) We also cannot prove that God exists.
(3) But I'm going to believe that we don't live in a Matrix-like world.
(4) But I'm not going to believe God exists.
(5) That's the solution to the dilemma.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM "THE MATRIX" (II)
(1) Some deny that they have to disbelieve in something (like God) if it's not proveable.
(2) For example, just because you can't prove that your senses are telling you the truth doesn't mean you shouldn't believe that they're telling you the truth.
(3) But if we deny the reliability of our senses, we might get hurt by external objects.
(4) That is, of course, assuming that there are external objects, as our senses tells us.
(5) So, this might be begging the question which, I admit, is a fallacy.
(6) But I think that fallacy can be used legitimately here.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ANECDOTAL EXPERIENCE
(1) I have not experienced feelings of God's presence in my mind.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM NEUROSCIENCE (I)
(1) Scientists say a portion of our brain may be responsible for mystical experiences.
(2) Therefore, all mystical experiences are fake.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ANCESTRY
(1) I'm a monkey!
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INTEREST
(1) If God really existed then Christians wouldn't spend so much time trying to defend Him.
(2) [Christian refutes (1).]
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM RELIGIOUS FREEDOM
(1) You are free to believe or disbelieve in God.
(2) But if you believe in God, then you're stupid.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MONEY
(1) All U.S. currency contains the motto "In God We Trust"
(2) That makes me so angry.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM DANE COOK
(1) Dane Cook made fun of an atheist.
(2) Dane Cook is therefore not funny.
(3) If Dane Cook is not funny, then all his beliefs are wrong.
(4) Dane Cook believes in God, therefore he is wrong about that too.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM EXCOMMUNICATION (I)
(1) The Pope sometimes excommunicates politicians for their bad actions.
(2) The Pope should stay out of politics.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM EXCOMMUNICATION (II)
(1) The Pope sometimes does not excommunicate politicians for their bad actions.
(2) The Pope shouldn't be so complacent.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OPRAH
(1) Oprah believes in God.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SUICIDE (I)
(1) According to the American Journal of American Psychiatry, atheists have a higher suicide rate than religious people.
(2) But that's just because religious people drive atheists crazy.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ZOMBIE JESUS
(1) If Jesus came back to life, he would be a zombie.
(2) That would mean he would be an undead, nasty, slobbering, rotting corpse with limbs falling off and constantly trying to eat people's brains.
(3) That is a freaky image of Jesus.
(4) Now you don't like Jesus anymore.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM NIETZSCHE (I)
(1) God is dead.
(2) We have killed him.
(3) He totally existed before that, but not any more.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM NIETZSCHE (II)
(1) Religion was created by the weak to control the strong.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM KARL MARX (I)
(1) Religion was created by the strong to control the weak.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM KARL MARX (II)
(1) Religion is the opium of the people.
(2) We Communists who believe that the world is going to turn into a happy atheistic la-la land where everyone always gets along somehow, in contrast, are not on opium.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTIFIC FAITH (I)
(1) Science, unlike religion, always operates on proof rather than faith.
(2) Even though all scientific proofs ultimately boil down to principles that must be accepted on faith.
(3) But if you don't think about that, then it's totally not a problem.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
PENN JIlLETTE'S ARGUMENT FROM THE BIBLE
(1) Just read the Bible, and you'll become an atheist.
(2) That's right. All Popes, Bishops, Priests, Monks, Hermits, Friars, Nuns, Street Preachers, Scripture Scholars, Theologians, Sunday School Teachers, Bible-Thumpers, and other Christians who've read the Bible were all actually atheists, for real.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PUKING (I)
(1) I feel sick when religious people say things to me.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PUKING (II)
(1) I feel sick when religious people say things to me.
(2) That obviously means religious people have some kind of emotional problem.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PRISON (I)
(1) A lot of prisoners say they're Christian.
(2) Therefore, Christianity is evil.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PRISON (II)
(1) A lot of prisoners say they're Christian.
(2) Even though a lot of them do it to impress their Corrections Officers.
(3) And they can get extra time away from their small cell in a spacious chapel free from physical harassment from prisoners who don't go to the chapel.
(4) Ah, it's such a corrupt system.
(5) And it's all Christianity's fault for some reason.
(6) Still, since these criminals say they're Christian, it means Christianity is evil.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PURELY COINCIDENTAL MASS GENOCIDE (I)
(1) Joseph Stalin, Mao Zedong, and Pol Pot were some of the most murderous dictators in the history of the world.
(2) They were also all atheists.
(3) But that was just a coincidence.
(4) This is because atheism can never be blamed for anything.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PURELY COINCIDENTAL MASS GENOCIDE (II)
(1) The atheism of certain dictators and their genocidal behavior are completely not connected with each other.
(2) That's because atheism is merely a "lack of belief" in something.
(3) But a mere lack of belief has no impact on a person's behavior.
(4) For example, if I don't think black people are human beings, that won't have any impact on any of my actions ever.
(5) Even if I happen to enslave, rape, and kill black people, it necessarily has nothing to do with how I don't believe black people are human beings.
(6) Therefore, atheism neatly cannot be blamed for anything.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF AFTERLIFE
(1) After you die, you don't exist anymore.
(2) This proves that God does not exist.
(3) I know I can't prove (1).
(4) But I'm going to assume it and ridicule people who disagree with me.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM GOOGLE
(1) It's been proven that God does not exist.
(2) But I'm not doing your research for you.
(3) Just go on the internet and find the truth out for yourself.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM CHILDHOOD (I)
(1) People are Christian because their parents happen to be Christian.
(2) People are Muslim because their parents happen to be Muslim.
(3) People are Jewish because their parents happen to be Jewish.
(4) People are Hindu because their parents happen to be Hindu.
(5) But people are Atheist because they chose to disagree with their parents and think for themselves (unless of course, their parents are atheists, in which case they should have wisely adopted their parents' views).
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM CHILDHOOD (II)
(1) Atheist: "You're just Christian because your parents were Christian."
(2) Christian: "Actually, my parents were atheists. I converted to Christianity."
(3) Atheist: "Well, then, you're a bigger idiot than I thought."
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS' MORAL ARGUMENT
(1) Hitchens: [gives a talk about how immoral religions are but clearly does not explain what morality even is]
(2) Theist: "So, if morality isn't based on God, then what is morality based on?"
(3) Hitchens: "You obviously weren't listening to me."
(4) Theist: "But-"
(5) Hitchens: "No, please. I have better things to do right now." [he leaves]
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ALIENS (I)
(1) If aliens exist, then that means God does not exist.
(2) I had a friend who swore he saw a UFO one night when he was camping out in the backyard.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ALIENS (II)
(1) Believing in God is like believing in aliens.
(2) No matter how much evidence there is, you have to deny they exist.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INTOLERANCE (I)
(1) Christianity does not tolerate other religions.
(2) Therefore, Christianity should not be tolerated.
(3) Therefore, all religions should not be tolerated.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INTOLERANCE (II)
(1) Christianity cannot explain why other religions are wrong.
(2) Therefore, Christianity is wrong.
(3) Therefore, all religions are wrong.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
STEVEN WEINBERG'S ARGUMENT FROM GOOD PEOPLE (I)
(1) Good people do good things.
(2) Bad people do bad things.
(3) But in religion, good people do bad things.
(4) In other words, good people who believe in religion are, in fact, bad people.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
STEVEN WEINBERG'S ARGUMENT FROM GOOD PEOPLE (II)
(1) Only in religion, otherwise perfectly good people do evil things.
(2) Religion is thus just like lying, cheating, stealing, murdering, etc.
(3) When lying, cheating, stealing, and murdering, etc. otherwise perfectly good people do evil things.
(4) But religion is completely unique because it can also do this.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE VIRGIN BIRTH
(1) Christians claim that Jesus was born of a virgin.
(2) But that's not scientifically possible.
(3) Women require sexual intercourse to get pregnant.
(4) Even though that's not true anymore thanks to in vitro fertilization, artificial insemination, and embryonic transfer.
(5) But it's absurd to think that God, an Omnipotent Being, can also do this somehow.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM FALSE GODS
(1) Atheist: "You think that millions of people are going to hell just because, through no fault of their own, they're praying to the 'wrong god'."
(2) Christian: "Well, if it's not their fault, then I don't believe they're going to hell."
(3) Atheist: "Oh, so everyone's going to heaven?"
(4) Christian: "Not the people who are praying to the wrong god on purpose."
(5) Atheist: "Well, how do you know it's on purpose?"
(6) Christian: "I don't. God does."
(7) Atheist: "That's assuming God exists."
(8) Christian: "Yeah."
(9) Atheist: "Ha. Well ... guess what? You're stupid."
(10) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINST FOXHOLES (I)
(1) They say there are no atheists in foxholes.
(2) I proved this wrong.
(3) I made a foxhole in my backyard.
(4) I crawled into said foxhole.
(5) I managed to stay an atheist pretty much the whole time.
(6) It was a heroic victory in the battle against religion!
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM FORGIVENESS (I)
(1) God condemns some people to hell for all eternity.
(2) If God were truly good, he would forgive them instead.
(3) But God doesn't do that.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM FORGIVENESS (II)
(1) God sends terrible people to heaven if they convert on their deathbed.
(2) But if God were truly good, He would condemn them to hell for all eternity.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
APOLLO 9/11 ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Science flies you to the moon.
(2) Religion flies you into buildings.
(3) There might be some other things that science and religion do, but let's not confuse the issue with facts.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
APOLLO 9/11 ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Science flies you to the moon.
(2) Religion flies you into buildings.
(3) Despite the fact that science built the planes that flew people into buildings.
(4) And despite the fact that some of the lunar astronauts (Buzz Aldrin, for example) were extremely religious people.
(5) But you still get my point, whatever it is.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
APOLLO 9/11 ARGUMENT (III)
(1) Science put a man on the moon.
(2) That did a lot.
(3) Particularly, it made the United States of America look way better than the Soviet Union.
(4) In other words, it made a bunch of freedom-loving Christians look way better than a bunch of totalitarian atheists.
(5) Nonetheless, this proves that atheism is better somehow.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM GODLESS GEEKS (I)
(1) I like the strawmen arguments that made fun of theist arguments better.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM GODLESS GEEKS (II)
(1) This website just copied an atheist idea (whereas, atheist humor is always original).
(2) Therefore, these arguments are not funny.
(3) Therefore, I don't have to fess up to the fact that atheist arguments are stupid.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
CHURCK NORRIS ARGUMENT (I)
(1) God doesn't exist because Chuck Norris wouldn't allow it.
(2) (Even though Chuck Norris says he's a devout Christian).
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
CHURCK NORRIS ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Chuck Norris is a Christian.
(2) Churck Norris promotes violence.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
CHURCK NORRIS ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Chuck Norris is a Christian.
(2) But Chuck Norris is also an atheist.
(3) How is this possible?
(4) Answer: Chuck *roundhouse kick to the face* Norris.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MISINFORMATION
(1) Atheist: "You are taught to believe X, which I find stupid and abhorrent."
(2) Christian: "No, we're not."
(3) Atheist: "Oh, yes you are."
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM CHARITY
(1) Religious people never do anything for the poor and unfortunate.
(2) And when they do, they aren't motivated by religion.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARUMENT FROM UNIVERSAL CONSENSUS (V)
(1) Christians agree on some things.
(2) People who agree on things are mindless dweebs who don't think for themselves.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM UNIVERSAL CONSENSUS (VI)
(1) Christians disagree on some things.
(2) Concepts are not valid unless people agree on every detail.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OMNI-SCIENCE
(1) Science shows us that science can show us everything that could possibly exist.
(2) But science doesn't show us that God exists.
(3) Therefore, belief in God is akin to belief in (you guessed it) the Flying Spaghetti Monster!
(4) Therefore, God doesn't exist.
ARGUMENT FROM NICE JESUS
(1) Jesus wasn't God.
(2) He was just a good guy.
(3) Therefore, just pretend he never claimed he was God (because nice guys just wouldn't do that).
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM RELIGIOUS AUTHORITY
(1) A priest told me that X is immoral.
(2) However, I do X everyday.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
STEPHEN LAW'S EVIL GOD ARGUMENT
(1) It is clear that the God who created the universe is evil.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
MYSTERY CARD ARGUMENT (I)
(1) I asked a Christian a question about God.
(2) He didn't know the answer.
(3) That means that no Christian has the answer.
(4) Therefore, all of Christianity is a lie.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
MYSTERY CARD ARGUMENT (II)
(1) I asked a Christian to explain every event in the universe and how it all exactly fits with "God's plan."
(2) He could not explain everything in the universe.
(3) Moron.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
MAIN TIRESOME ARGUMENT
(1) Maybe, God does not exist.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE SIGNS, a.k.a. BABELFISH ARGUMENT (II)
(1) If God exists, He would give us a sign.
(2) But if He gave us a sign, then that would destroy faith.
(3) And we can't believe in God if we don't have faith.
(4) However, faith is unreasonable.
(5) Therefore, we should only believe in things we can prove.
(6) Therefore, there is no way we can accept the existence of God, especially if it's proved.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE TOOTH FAIRY
(1) The Tooth Fairy does not exist.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE BIBLE (II)
(1) If the Bible were really the word of God, it would be the Big Book of Everything, explaining transistors and the soil composition of Mars.
(2) The Bible is not the Big Book of Everything (but just a trivial book about God irrelevantly "saving" humanity).
(3) Therefore, the Bible is not the word of God.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM CHILDREN (I)
(1) Children believe in God.
(2) Children are childish.
(3) Therefore, it is childish to believe in God.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM CHILDREN (II)
(1) Christopher Hitchens "just knew" that God did not exist at age nine.
(2) I believe that children are our future.
(3) Teach them well and let them lead the way.
(4) Show them all the beauty they possess inside.
(5) Give them a sense of pride to make it easier.
(6) Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be.
(7) Therefore nine year old Christopher Hitchens was right.
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM BAD ARGUMENTS (II)
(1) There are bad arguments for God's existence.
(2) Therefore, there are no good ones.
(3) As a further consequence of (1), I'm not going to listen to any more theistic arguments.
(4) Therefore, God doesn't exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OMNIPOTENCE (IV)
(1) Can God create a rock so heavy He can't lift it?
(2) In other words, is there a point where an object's weight becomes so great that the ability to move anything whatsoever is then unable to move something?
(3) No? Well, I guess God isn't omnipotent then.
(4) Because God can only be omnipotent if He's NOT able to do certain things.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OMNIPOTENCE (V)
(1) Can God create a rock so heavy He can't lift it?
(2) In other words, can God be both capable and incapable?
(3) In other words, can God do something and yet not do it?
(4) No? Well, then I guess God is not omnipotent then.
(5) Because omnipotence only makes sense if it includes the logically absurd (contrary to what theologians say).
(6) However, if it includes the logically absurd, then it still doesn't make sense.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HITCHENS' RAZOR (I)
(1) What can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence.
(2) Theists assert God exists without evidence.
(3) Therefore, I can dismiss God's existence without evidence.
(4) Therefore, you cannot dismiss my baseless dismissal without evidence.
(5) Therefore, you cannot dismiss my atheism.
(6) Therefore, you must accept my atheism.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
NOT SO BRIGHT ARGUMENT
(1) I call myself a "bright."
(2) That's a cute way of saying "atheist" because, of course, atheists are the brightest people ever.
(3) This is kind of like how homosexuals hijacked the word "gay."
(4) It makes it sound nice.
(5) It'll make atheism way more popular.
(6) It totally won't be gay anymore.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINST THE GOD OF THE GAPS (I)
(1) Theists say that if we don't know what caused X, then God did it.
(2) People used to NOT know what caused lightning.
(3) Therefore, they said God did it.
(4) But now, we know that lightning is caused by electrical fields and ionized air and stuff.
(5) Therefore, no matter what X equals, God is not the cause of it.
(6) Therefore, God never causes anything.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINST THE GOD OF THE GAPS (II)
(1) If we don't know what caused X, then God did NOT do it.
(2) We do not know what caused the origin of life.
(3) Therefore, God did not do it.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINST THE GOD OF THE GAPS (III)
(1) If a natural explanation is discovered that explains X, then God had nothing to do with it.
(2) Even if God exists and He created everything in nature, it still follows that X was not caused by God in any way whatsoever.
(3) It's kind of like when a person makes a hammer and then uses it to hammer in nails.
(4) The person doesn't hammer in the nails ... the hammer does.
(5) The person holding the hammer has nothing to do with the nails being hammered.
(6) Likewise, even if God created all natural processes and designed them to act according to His infinitely well-crafted cosmic plan, anything that is caused by a natural process can in no way be said to be something that God did.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM EVERYONE REALLY BEING AN ATHEIST DEEP DOWN INSIDE
(1) Everyone is really an atheist.
(2) It's just a matter of being honest with oneself.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM UNFALSIFIABILITY
(1) Some arguments that Christians make are unfalsifiable.
(2) Therefore, they are bad arguments.
(3) We only want Christians to make falsifiable arguments because then we can falsify them.
(4) Those kind of arguments are good.
(5) Hence, for all practical purposes, all theistic arguments that are unfalsifiable shall be considered false.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE EASTER BUNNY
(1) The Easter Bunny does not exist.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ANTI-SEMITIC ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Some Christians hate the Jews.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ANTI-SEMITIC ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Some Christians do not hate the Jews.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ANTI-SEMITIC ARGUMENT (III)
(1) Jews!
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM RIDICULOUS ASSERTION
(1) All conflict is caused by religion.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM FREE WILL (V)
(1) If God gave us free will, He would allow us to do evil.
(2) But God punishes us if we do evil.
(3) Therefore, we are not allowed to do evil.
(4) Therefore, God did not give us free will.
(5) So, even if God gave us the ability to choose evil (which is what most people call "free will," but I don't), He did NOT give us the ability to choose evil without painful consequences (and that's my own personal, non-standard definition of "free will" upon which this argument is delicately balanced).
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM POLYTHEISM (I)
(1) Theist: "I believe in God."
(2) Atheist: "Which one?"
(3) Theist: "The one that -"
(4) Atheist: "Nope. Rhetorical question. This is where you just accept defeat and get annoyed at how much more smarter I am than you."
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM POLYTHEISM (II)
(1) Atheist: "I do not believe in God."
(2) Theist: "Which one?"
(3) Atheist: "All gods."
(4) Theist: "You mean, 'all things that people have called gods'."
(5) Atheist: "Yeah, sure. Whatever."
(6) Theist: "Well, people have worshipped the sun as a god, as well as living people, and the universe itself."
(7) Atheist: "So? What's your point?"
(8) Theist: "Are you saying you don't believe in the sun, people, or the universe?"
(9) Atheist: "No, I said I don't believe in gods. Man, you're stupid."
(10) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM POLYTHEISM (III), a.k.a. ARUGMENT FROM A THEIST IN DENIAL
(1) Some people have worshipped the sun, people, and the universe as gods.
(2) However, as an atheist, I do not deny the existence of such things.
(3) I simply deny that those things are gods.
(4) Likewise, as an atheist, I can (if I so choose) believe in an omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent personal being who created the universe.
(5) I would simply deny that such a thing is God (and thus I still remain an atheist).
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM POLYTHEISM (IV)
(1) Atheist: "I do not deny the existence of the sun, people, and the universe even though some people have worshipped them as gods. I simply deny they are gods."
(2) Theist: "What exactly do you mean by 'not gods'?"
(3) Atheist: "It means that I don't think they have 'deific nature'."
(4) Theist: "What does that mean?"
(5) Atheist: "It pretty much means that they're not gods. I think that pretty much clears it up."
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
PENN JILETTE'S ARGUMENT FROM KILLING YOUR CHILDREN (I)
(1) If God told you to kill your child and you do NOT do it, then you're an atheist.
(2) However, if God told you NOT to kill your child and you STILL do it (i.e. you commit a sin), then you're NOT an atheist ... you're just a bad Christian (just like all Christians).
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
PENN JILETTE'S ARGUMENT FROM KILLING YOUR CHILDREN (II)
(1) If God told you to kill your child and you DO do it, then you're a menace.
(2) This is assuming God does not define morality.
(3) As an atheist, I don't really have any clear idea what DOES define morality.
(4) But whatever defines it, killing your child would never be okay.
(5) And even if there are exceptions, it's unrelated to what God says.
(6) Again, I don't have any clear, rational idea of what I'm talking about, but hopefully I've said something that will give you an emotional reaction against the idea that God exists.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
PENN JILETTE'S ARGUMENT FROM KILLING YOUR CHILDREN (III)
(1) Sometimes killing your children is okay (e.g. abortion).
(2) Therefore, don't listen to God if He tells you NOT to kill your children.
(3) Be an atheist instead.
(4) You'll feel way less guilty.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISTIC NIHILISM (I)
(1) Some Christians claim that if God doesn't exist, they would become rapists and murderers.
(2) Therefore, believing in God turns people into rapists and murderers.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISTIC NIHILISM (II)
(1) I don't believe in God, and yet I'm NOT a rapist or a murderer.
(2) Therefore, not believing in God is the thing that will prevent people from becoming rapists and murderers (yes, even those who say believing in God is the only thing holding them back from becoming rapists and murderers).
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISTIC NIHILISM (III)
(1) I can't really say why I shouldn't be a rapist or a murderer.
(2) I just follow this vague sense of ethics loosely based off the dying, Christian heritage of Western civilization.
(3) But I'm sure the very basis upon which those remaining moral values are founded can be gotten rid of without fear of regrettable consequences.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
PENN JILETTE'S LOGICAL MISDIRECTION ARGUMENT
(1) Theist: "If there is no God, what's to stop me from raping and murdering anyone I want?"
(2) Jilette: "You're a bad person!" [audience laughs and doesn't realize he didn't answer the question]
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
PENN JILETTE'S HONEST ANSWER (+ ANOTHER HONEST ANSWER HE NEVER GAVE)
(1) Theist: "If there is no God, what's to stop me from raping and murdering anyone I want?"
(2) Jilette: "I already rape and murder all the people I want. You know how many people that is? Zero."
(3) Theist: "Well, what if you DID want to rape and murder some people? Would anything stop you?"
(4) Jilette: "Well ... um ... maybe ... not."
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ANGER (II)
(1) I'm an extremely rational person.
(2) But I get irrational when the topic of God comes up.
(3) That just shows how irrational the very idea of God is.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ANGER (III)
(1) Why do believers get so angry when someone has a different opinion than them?
(2) Athiests never get angry.
(3) Except with those goddam theists. God, I hate them.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISM (VII)
(1) Atheism is more common than you think.
(2) Just like being gay.
(3) I'm not saying all atheists are gay.
(4) Some are, and that's cool.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM FLEETING DOUBT (I)
(1) Have you ever doubted your faith even a little bit?
(2) You have?
(3) Ha! You're an atheist!
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM FLEETING DOUBT (II)
(1) If a religious person has a passing doubt about his faith, then he's really an atheist.
(2) If an atheist has a passing doubt about his atheism, then, don't worry, he's still an atheist.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
CHRISTOPHER HITCHEN'S ARGUMENT FROM MOTHER TERESA
(1) Mother Teresa was evil! EVIL!!!!!!!
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
DANIEL DENNETT'S ARGUMENT FROM MOTHER TERESA
(1) Mother Teresa was actually an atheist.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
DANIEL DENNETT'S ARGUMENT FROM CHRISTIAN CHARITY
(1) Christians who devote their lives to helping the poor and doing good works are actually secret atheists atoning for their hypocrisy for pretending to be Christian.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
DANIEL DENNETT'S ARGUMENT AGAINST THE PROFESSION OF FAITH
(1) The Catholic Church tells its members to "profess their faith" even if they don't fully believe their faith at the time.
(2) That's just like saying "thank you" just because your mom tells you to, even though you don't mean it.
(3) Obviously, it's wrong to tell kids to say "thank you" to people.
(4) Likewise, it's illogical for the Church to tell practicing Catholics who claim to believe in Catholicism to profess what Catholicism believes.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM EVIDENCE
(1) You should only believe something if there's evidence.
(2) This principle, however, should not be applied to evidence itself.
(3) That is, even if there's no evidence that no evidence exists, you can believe that no evidence exists.
(4) And even if evidence exists, you can pretend that no evidence exists.
(5) Therefore, even though there is no evidence that there is no evidence of God (and even if there IS evidence of God), you can still believe that there is no evidence of God.
(6) Therefore, there is no evidence of God.
(7) Therefore, you shouldn't believe in God no matter what evidence happens to be staring you right in the face.
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE MEANING OF LIFE (III)
(1) Religious people say there's meaning in life.
(2) In fact, they're just pretending.
(3) But even though life is meaningless, that doesn't mean life has to be meaningless.
(4) We can "make" our own meaning for our lives.
(5) That is, we can sort of "pretend" that there is meaning in our lives.
(6) That's way different from the crap religion tries to feed you.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INTELLECTUAL DISHONESTY
(1) Theist: [Points out a contradiction in the atheist's argument.]
(2) Atheist: "You're being intellectually dishonest."
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OTHER RELIGIONS (I)
(1) Christianity believes God exists.
(2) Other religions also believe God exists.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MIXED BAGS
(1) Not all religious people are evil.
(2) But some are.
(3) That's enough to condemn every single religion.
(4) Not all atheists are good.
(5) But some are.
(6) That's enough to praise every single atheist for rejecting every single religion.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
RICHARD DAWKINS' DELUSIONAL ARGUMENT
(1) Theists suffer from a "delusion."
(2) However, I cannot prove their belief is false.
(3) So, technically, I don't know if it's a "delusion."
(4) And yet I know it's a delusion.
(5) Therefore, I'm definitely not delusional.
(6) They are.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HAPPY SUICIDE (II)
(1) Atheists are happier than theists.
(2) The fact that atheists kill themselves more often is proof of that.
(3) Honestly, just think about that for a moment.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM FLEETING DOUBT (III)
(1) If you have a fleeting doubt about X, that means you should stop believing in X.
(2) If you have a fleeting doubt about God, that means you should stop believing in God.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM FLEETING DOUBT (IV)
(1) Atheist: "Have you ever had doubt that God exists?"
(2) Theist: "Yes."
(3) Atheist: "Then you should be 'more honest with yourself' and become an atheist."
(4) Theist: "I've also had doubts about the existence of the external world, objective morality, and the idea that life is worth living."
(5) Athiest: "Yeah, well, me too. But those things are important. But that stuff about God ... meh ..."
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (X)
(1) When something weird happens, theists have to believe it's a miracle.
(2) Atheists are not constrained by that rule because they're able to believe it's just natural phenomena.
(3) Well, theists, I guess, have that option too.
(4) But atheists are more free since they do NOT have the option of believing it's a miracle.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTIFIC DOUBT
(1) Science and religion are incompatible.
(2) This is because science operates on doubting everything in order to see what ideas can withstand skeptical scrutiny.
(3) Religion, on the other hand, is about accepting things no matter what.
(4) Of course, a lot of people have the gall to doubt science, and those people should die.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
RICHARD DAWKINS' ARGUMENT FROM TRADITION
(1) The odd thing about tradition is that the longer it's been going on the more people seem to take it seriously.
(2) It's as if sheer passage of time turns something that was just made-up into what people believe is fact.
(3) The Assumption of Mary is an example (even though I can't prove it didn't happen).
(4) The belief that Egyptian Pharaohs were gods is another example (well, actually that tradition didn't get strengthened over the sheer passage of time).
(6) Newton's Laws of Motion is yet another example (well, that traditional belief is one I accept).
(7) But, yeah, traditional beliefs are just awful.
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
BLACK AND WHITE ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Religion tries to make things too black and white.
(2) Life is more complicated.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
BLACK AND WHITE ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Religion blurs otherwise clear ideas.
(2) Life is actually much more black and white.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM FEMINISM (I)
(1) Religion is evil because it has oppressed women.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM FEMINISM (II)
(1) Religion is evil because they have put women on a pedestal.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM TRUTH VS GOODNESS (I)
(1) One should reject God, even if it makes things worse.
(2) This is because truth is more important than what's good.
(3) Even though I don't believe the statement "God does not exist" is true, I might as well believe it's true, no matter what evil consequences there will be to myself or society.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM TRUTH VS GOODNESS (II)
(1) One should reject God, even if doing so makes things worse.
(2) This is because truth is more important than what's good.
(3) In other words, truth is more good than what's actually good.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM UNIVERSAL CONSENSUS (VII)
(1) Atheists always contradict what other atheists say.
(2) But that's the beauty of atheism.
(3) We think for ourselves.
(4) When Christians contradict other Christians, however, it just shows that they're a bunch of retards.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM NORTH KOREA
(1) The genocidal atheist dictator of North Korea makes people worship him as a god.
(2) That's religious.
(3) Therefore, the problem is with North Korea's stupid religious population and not the insane, tyrannical, atheist who forces them to worship him.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM JOHN LENNON
(1) Imagine there's no heaven, hell, countries, religion, or possessions.
(2) Now imagine that everybody would get along somehow.
(3) Now imagine that this crap is set to a catchy tune.
(4) Now, at the count of three, you'll no longer think that Atheistic Socialism is completely insane.
(5) ... One ...
(6) ... Two ...
(7) ... Three ...
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM WAR (I)
(1) If a war is fought over X, then X should not exist.
(2) Some wars have been fought over religion.
(3) Therefore, religion should not exist.
(4) Wars have also been fought over land, money, people, and non-religious ideas.
(5) Therefore, religion must be destroyed.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM WAR (II)
(1) All wars are caused by religion, such as:
(2) The Peloponnesian War.
(3) The Punic Wars.
(4) The Hundred Years War.
(5) The War of Spanish Succession.
(6) The War Between the States.
(7) The War of 1812.
(8) World War I.
(9) World War II.
(10) The Vietnam War.
(11) Well, those wars weren't caused by religion, except in some far-fetched way which still counts.
(12) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM STEM CELLS
(1) Atheist: "Christians oppose stem cell research."
(2) Theist: "Actually, we have no problem with using ADULT stem cells. We just object to using EMBRYONIC stem cells harvested from the murdered corpses of aborted infants."
(3) Atheist: "What? Really? I didn't know that."
(4) Theist: "Yeah. Besides, adult stem cells have always worked better than embryonic stem cells."
(5) Atheist: "No joke? Whatever. You guys hate Galileo."
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HAPPINESS (I)
(1) Theists don't know how to have fun.
(2) Atheists appreciate this life more because they know this is all there is (and that it's all ultimately meaningless).
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HAPPINESS (II)
(1) Theists are always so gaddam happy.
(2) I'd rather be unhappy than annoying like them.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE CHURCH OF THE LATTER DAY SAINTS
(1) Mormons!
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (XI), a.k.a. THE NO TRUE MIRACLE ARGUMENT
(1) No true witness would claim to have seen a miracle.
(2) You claim to have seen a miracle.
(3) Therefore, you are not a true witness.
(4) Therefore, no true witness has ever seen a miracle.
(5) Therefore, miracles do not exist.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM DEMOGRAPHIC TRUTH
(1) All white, male, liberal, post-secondary students who masturbate to internet porn KNOW that God does not exist.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM GOD OF THE GAPS (IV)
(1) If a supernatural explanation can explain an event, then it doesn't explain it.
(2) But if a natural explanation can explain an event, then it explains it.
(3) Therefore, supernatural explanations do not explain anything.
(4) Therefore, natural explanations are the only explanations that are actually explanations.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
DEIST ARGUMENT
(1) Yes, I do believe in God.
(2) But I still like to be called an "atheist."
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE MEANING OF LIFE (IV)
(1) If an afterlife exists, then there would be no point to life.
(2) Sure, you could say that there would still be a point, insofar as our actions in life would determine our afterlife for the rest of eternity.
(3) But other than that, there would be no point to life.
(4) Therefore, you shouldn't believe in an afterlife because, only then, will you see the true point to life, namely ... well ... that there is ultimately no point to life.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM DIVERSITY
(1) There are many different cultures in the world.
(2) Therefore, it's unlikely that they ultimately came from one thing.
(3) Therefore, God did not cause them.
(4) Therefore, the universe was the only thing that caused them.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HATE (I)
(1) If I hate God hard enough, God will stop existing.
(2) I really, really, REALLY hate God!
(3) There.
(4) I think I did it.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINST FOXHOLES (II) by JAMES MORROW
(1) "There are no atheists in foxholes" isn't an argument against atheism, it's an argument against foxholes.
(2) There are no atheists in foxholes.
(3) Therefore, foxholes suck.
(4) This is because atheists are awesome.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
PASTAFARIAN ARGUMENT (II), a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM FREEDOM OF SPEECH FOR ANNOYING ATHEIST TROLLS
(1) The Flying Spaghetti Monster should be mentioned at every possible moment.
(2) I went to a Christian Facebook page and repeatedly mentioned the Flying Spaghetti Monster at every possible moment.
(3) The administer banned me from that page ... permamently.
(4) This shows that Christians don't respect other people's beliefs.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM STUPID ATHEIST ARGUMENTS
(1) Theist: [shows an example of a typically faulty argument that atheists always use.]
(2) Atheist: "I don't know any atheists who say that."
(3) Theist: [shows that Dawkins, Hitchens, Harris, and Dennett have said that all the time.]
(4) Atheist: "But they have a good point."
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MISREPRESENTATION
(1) An atheist argues that theists believe something ridiculous (e.g. the Eucharist is made of meat).
(2) The theist explains that this ridiculous belief is not what theists (or even theists who believe in the Real Presence in the Eucharist) believe.
(3) The atheist declares that this is a "courtier's reply."
(4) Therefore God does not exist.
ARGUMUENT FROM LOGIC (III)
(1) A conclusion follows from its premises.
(2) The conclusion of this argument is "Therefore, God does not exist."
(3) The premises of this argument are true.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SCIENCE AND STUFF (I)
(1) Here's a picture of Neil Degrasse Tyson superimposed on a starfield background with an quote about how big space is.
(2) ...
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MONTY PYTHON (I)
(1) LIFE OF BRIAN is hilarious.
(2) It makes fun of Jesus, all Christians hate it, and they have no sense of humor.
(3) Theist: "I love LIFE OF BRIAN, and it completely respects Jesus and His actual teachings."
(4) Atheist: "Shut up."
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MONTY PYTHON (II)
(1) Your mother was a hamster.
(2) And your father smelt of elderberries.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
MORAL ARGUMENT (III)
(1) All Christians are supposed to display perfect behavior at all times.
(2) I once encountered a Christian who was a jerk.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM GODLESS GEEKS (III)
(1) Theists don't have a sense of humor.
(2) This is because I don't find their jokes very funny (especially their jokes about how retarded atheism is).
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM FEAR (II)
(1) I committed a sin.
(2) Therefore, a merciful judge who could grant me forgiveness does not exist.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INSECURITY (III)
(1) I think you're insecure about your theism.
(2) That means your theism is wrong.
(3) Logic, baby.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM BEING SO DRUNK LAST NIGHT
(1) I have a hangover.
(2) A merciful God would not allow hangovers.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINST GREAT THINKERS
(1) The greatest thinkers of all time have believed in God.
(2) That just shows how screwed up humanity is, thanks to religion.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MAGIC ACADEMIC FIELD SYNERGY
(1) Richard Dawkins is a good scientist.
(2) Therefore, he is a good philosopher.
(3) Therefore, what he says on philosophy isn't pseudo-intellectual crap that's outside his field of expertise.
(4) Therefore, when he makes philosophical claims against God, they are necessarily profound and true and no can is allowed to disagree with him.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
MICHAEL SHERMER'S ARGUMENT FROM A LOT OF PEOPLE GETTING IT WRONG
(1) One religion could not have gotten it right because billions of others would have gotten it wrong.
(2) Therefore, that one religion got it wrong too.
(3) Therefore, we atheists got it right, whereas everyone else got it wrong.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM EVIL (III) by RICHARD DAWKINS
(1) The universe is a purely material, deterministic place.
(2) Therefore, words such as "evil" and "wicked" have no real meaning.
(3) God is evil and wicked.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM QUANTUM PHYSICS (II)
(1) Molecules.
(2) Atoms.
(3) Particles.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SCIENCE AND STUFF (II)
(1) Here are some imagines depicting a monkey turning into a human.
(2) ...
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ARMCHAIRS
(1) Atheist: "Theologians use too much armchair thinking. I want to see their claims backed up by more experiments."
(2) Theist: "Well, what about Stephen Hawking? He's very much what you would call an armchair scientist."
(3) Atheist: "Are you mocking his disability? You're a heartless bastard!"
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM EVIL (IV)
(1) Bad things happen, so there's no God.
(2) Everything seems to work fine without God, so there's no God.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SCIENCE AND STUFF (III)
(1) You're stoopid, you stoopid Christian stoopidhead.
(2) And I'm smart because SCIENCE!
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM LOGIC (IV)
(1) Atheist: "God does not exist."
(2) Theist: "Prove it."
(3) Athiest: "Nope."
(4) Theist: "Well then, stop saying God does not exist."
(5) Atheist: "Shut up. God does not exist."
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MY SOCK DRAWER (I)
(1) Some theists say, "Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence."
(2) But if I look in my sock drawer, and I find no evidence of socks, then it's reasonable to conclude that there are no socks.
(3) I opened my sock drawer, and I didn't find socks.
(4) Therefore, there are no socks.
(5) From this, you can conclude that any reports of people seeing socks are false.
(6) Similarly, I opened my sock drawer, and I didn't find God.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SOCK DRAWER (II)
(1) Some theists say, "Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence."
(2) But if I look in my sock drawer, and I find no evidence of socks, then it's reasonable to conclude that there are no socks.
(3) I opened my sock drawer, and I didn't find socks.
(4) Therefore, there are no socks.
(5) Similarly, if I examine the entire universe, and I find no evidence of God (while ignoring all miracle claims, of course), then it's reasonable to conclude that there is no God.
(6) I have examined the entire universe and did not find any evidence of God (except things like miracles, which, as noted above, should conveniently be ignored).
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INSANITY (II)
(1) I've had religious experiences that can't be explained unless (a) I'm insane or (b) God exists.
(2) It would be insane to believe in God.
(3) Therefore, (a) has to be true.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HATE (II)
(1) Some Christians hate atheists and atheism.
(2) That's the real reason why they believe in God.
(3) They just hate us.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INEVITABILITY
(1) I have proof that God does not exist.
(2) I won't bother to tell you what it is because, being Christians, you would be hostile to the conclusion anyway.
(3) Therefore, God not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM UN-FORTUITOUS COINCIDENCE
(1) What are the odds of that happening?
(2) Pretty long, I'll bet.
(3) Still, it must have been an accident.
(4) Because even if it's more likely that God did it, it's still more likely that God didn't do it.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM CAPTAIN HOOK
(1) Every time someone says, "I don't believe in fairies," there is a fairy somewhere that falls down dead.
(2) The same thing works for God.
(3) Watch this:
(4) "Ahem ... I don't believe in God."
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INSANITY (III)
(1) I've had intellectual experiences that can't be explained unless I'm insane or logic exists.
(2) But like most people, I'll choose to believe that logic exists.
(3) I've had sense experiences that can't be explained unless I'm insane or the external world exists.
(4) But like most people, I'll choose to believe that an external world exists.
(5) I've had religious experiences that can't be explained unless I'm insane or God exists.
(6) Unlike most people, I'll choose to believe that God does NOT exist.
(7) Otherwise, that would just be crazy.
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HITCHENS' RAZOR (II)
(1) What can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence.
(2) Theists assert God exists without evidence.
(3) Therefore, I can dismiss God's existence without evidence.
(4) Furthermore, even if theists do have evidence, I can dismiss their evidence if there's no evidence of their evidence.
(5) And if there IS evidence for the evidence, there has to be evidence for the evidence of the evidence.
(6) I could go on all day like that and therefore always be justified in dismissing the existence of God without ever having to provide a shred of evidence myself.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HITCHENS' RAZOR (III)
(1) What can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence.
(2) The only exception to this is the principle known as Hitchens' Razor, thus stated: "What can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence."
(3) Therefore, I can use this principle to dismiss God's existence without any risk of self-contradiction.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE ATHEIST BUS CAMPAIGN (I)
(1) There's probably no God.
(2) Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE ATHEIST BUS CAMPAIGN (II)
(1) There's probably no God.
(2) Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.
(3) If you ask, "Why is there probably no God?" it means you're still worrying.
(5) Don't do that.
(6) In fact, just stop thinking.
(7) There.
(8) Feels good to be an atheist, doesn't it?
(9) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM FREEDOM FROM RELIGION
(1) Being an atheist will free you from religion.
(2) Just look at me.
(3) I used to go to church every week for a whole hour. A whole hour, I say!
(4) But now, as a militant atheist, I spend every waking hour endlessly obsessing over religion in one way or another.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISTIC NIHILISM (IV)
(1) People say that if God doesn't exist, there would be no objective morality.
(2) But that's dumb.
(3) Only dumb people think that.
(4) Even though some of the most famous, atheist intellectuals have said that (e.g. Jeremy Bentham, Friedrich Nietzsche, Albert Camus, Jean-Paul Sartre, etc.)
(5) But how many people actually know who those guys even are anymore?
(6) Exactly.
(7) Let's keep it that way.
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM BLASPHEMY (I)
(1) [Insert eye-popping blasphemy against God as if God existed and it meant something.]
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISM (VIII)
(1) Atheism is a lack of belief.
(2) You can't criticize a lack of belief because it doesn't contain any doctrine.
(3) I mean, you wouldn't criticize a person who chooses not to believe in gravity.
(4) Or a person who doesn't think that the earth is round.
(5) Or who suspends judgment on whether the world outside the senses exists.
(6) Or who disbelieves in the validity of logic.
(7) Or who doesn't subscribe to any moral code.
(8) These people obviously cannot be criticized for their lack of belief.
(9) So, stop criticizing atheism.
(10) We don't like that.
(11) As an extension of this, atheist criticisms of religion cannot be criticized either.
(12) For example, when I say, "God does not exist," you can't respond with anything.
(13) So, on that note, let us finish this discussion with the following conclusion:
(14) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISM (IX)
(1) Atheism is a lack of belief.
(2) You can't criticize a lack of belief because it doesn't contain any doctrine.
(3) Sure, atheists have tons of conferences, billboards, websites, documentaries, books, ministries, support groups, and all other manner of propaganda.
(4) But really, atheism is just an absence of opinion, so it really doesn't do anything.
(5) Sure, many atheists try evangelizing people into atheism and denigrate anyone who aren't atheists, and engage in self-professed "militant atheism," spending their lives carefully engineering new ways to advance anti-theist agendas in an attempt to destroy religion off the face of the earth.
(6) But really, atheism isn't even a "thing."
(7) So, just calm down, you stupid theists.
(8) Can't you see that we can criticize you, but you can't criticize us?
(9) Just let us destroy your beliefs peacefully without you annoyingly trying to defend yourselves.
(10) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT BY DEFAULT (I)
(1) Disbelief of X is the default position of a rational person until evidence of X is presented.
(2) So, until you see evidence of X, you are not allowed to believe X.
(3) If I say, "I went to the store yesterday," you are obligated not to believe me until I provide compelling evidence of that claim.
(4) Likewise, you are not permitted to believe any claims the scientific community has made until you work through the evidence yourself and crunched through all the necessary calculations.
(5) Suspend judgment on historical claims until you have read the relevant documents in their original archaic languages and examined the pertinent archeological sites with your own eyes.
(6) Never follow any ethical precept until you have thoroughly worked out the prudential reasoning behind it and tested its effects on yourself and society in general.
(7) If you do not do this, but instead choose to believe a claim without concrete evidence, then you are an irrational, religious fanatic.
(8) So, don't believe in God (in fact, just to be on the safe side, don't believe in God even if you ARE presented with evidence ... that's the most rational position).
(9) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO PROVE A NEGATIVE (V)
(1) Atheist: "God does not exist."
(2) Theist: "Prove it."
(3) Atheist: "You can't prove a negative."
(4) Theist: "Well, then, why do you think God doesn't exist?"
(5) Atheist: "Because there is no evidence."
(6) Theist: "Prove that there is no evidence."
(7) Atheist: "That's also a negative. And I already told you. You can't prove a negative."
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM BEING MEAN
(1) If God exists, it would be mean of him to make me believe he doesn't.
(2) God is mean.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM COOLNESS
(1) That's really cool.
(2) It would be dumb if God did it.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER (III)
(1) When someone prays, either it doesn't come true or a coincidence happens.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER (IV)
(1) When God doesn't answer a prayer, they say that "God had a better plan."
(2) But that doesn't make sense.
(3) When you ask a real person to do something, they always do it.
(4) If they don't, it means that person doesn't exist.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER (V)
(1) When God doesn't answer a prayer, they say that "God had a better plan."
(2) But that doesn't make sense.
(3) Real people don't have plans.
(4) And if they do, they would discard them as soon as someone asks Him to do something that would conflict with the plan.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER (VI)
(1) When God doesn't answer a prayer, they say that "God had a better plan."
(2) But God supposedly can do anything.
(3) So there's no reason why God wouldn't give everybody what they ask for.
(4) Unless He chooses not to because it sometimes interferes with His so-called "better plan" for them.
(5) But, whatever. God should just do what He's told.
(6) But He doesn't sometimes.
(7) Well, I'm going to deny He exists.
(8) That'll show Him who wears the pants around here.
(9) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE FOUNDING FATHERS
(1) Some of America's Founding Fathers (e.g. Thomas Paine and ... the rest are debatable) were deists.
(2) That means atheism pretty much takes credit for everything.
(3) Freedom, stuff like that.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ABRAHAM LINCOLN
(1) Abraham Lincoln was an atheist.
(2) Yeah, okay, he wasn't an atheist.
(3) I just threw that out there anyway because it should be true.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCES
(1) One time, I was in deep emotional pain.
(2) I prayed to God, and felt His presence.
(3) I got better.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM FACTOIDS
(1) I'm really smart.
(2) I have a very high I.Q.
(3) I can program computers.
(4) The Catholic Church let me down when I was a kid.
(5) I hate my mother (she was Catholic, of course).
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM POLYTHEISM (V)
(1) Christians are atheists with respect to all gods except theirs.
(2) See? Everyone needs to deny the existence of some number of deities, even Christians.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM TAKING THE LORD'S NAME IN VAIN
(1) I stubbed my toe.
(2) "GOD DAMMIT!!!"
(3) Ha. I invoked God.
(4) For absolutely no reason.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM STAR WARS (I)
(1) I used to be the biggest Star Wars fan ever.
(2) I had every action figure, every Expanded Universe novel, and a Boba Fett costume with a sawed-off EE-3 Blaster Rifle and an almost operational Mandalorian-style jetpack.
(3) Then, Episode 1 happened.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM STAR WARS (II)
(1) Jar-Jar Binks.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM NEGATIVE AMAZON RATINGS
(1) Dozens of Christians showed up on Amazon.com to give [atheist apologist]'s book one star.
(2) This shows that Christians are afraid that God does not exist.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ARGUMENT REFLEXIVITY
(1) Christians spend hours reading proofs of God's non-existence on this web page.
(2) This indicates that even they basically do not believe in God.
(3) Therefore, all humankind does not believe in God.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SCIENCE AND STUFF (IV)
(1) It cannot be proved that God does not exist.
(2) However ... "Scientifically Speaking" ... God does not exist.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
IGTHEISTIC ARGUMENT, a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM THEOLOGICAL NONCOGNITIVISM
(1) What does the word "God" even mean?
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INEXPERIENCE
(1) My lack of experience of God disproves everybody else's experiences of God.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTIFIC SKEPTICISM
(1) Skepticism is what science is made of.
(2) Therefore, never doubt science.
(3) Doubt religion.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (XII)
(1) Miracles can't happen.
(2) No one can break the laws of physics.
(3) Otherwise, they wouldn't be laws.
(4) Have you ever seen anyone break a law?
(5) That's because breaking a law is impossible ... by definition.
(6) Even an Omnipotent Being who maybe created the laws of the universe couldn't break them.
(7) Otherwise, we wouldn't call them laws.
(8) But we do call them laws.
(9) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE ATHEIST EXPERIENCE
(1) The show "The Atheist Experience" always starts with the atheist hosts waiting awkwardly for the music intro to end.
(2) Somehow, that's actually awesome.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INSECURITY (IV)
(1) You theists ALWAYS argue with atheists.
(2) Feeling a bit insecure, maybe?
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INSECURITY (V)
(1) You theists NEVER argue with atheists.
(3) Feeling a bit insecure, maybe?
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OTHER RELIGIONS (II)
(1) There are some similarities between Christianity and non-Christian philosophies.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM STAR WARS (III), a.k.a. PROBABLY THE BEST ARGUMENT AGAINST THE CATHOLIC CHURCH EVER MADE (AND THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING)
(1) Pope Benedict XVI looks like Emperor Palpatine.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE INTERNET (I)
(1) The internet is where religion comes to die.
(2) Sounds ominious, doesn't it?
(3) That's because it's true!
(4) Just go to atheist websites, and it'll seem true.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM NEUROSCIENCE (II)
(1) I've studied neurology.
(2) It proves that God does not exist.
(3) You haven't studied neurology.
(4) Therefore, you're unqualified to speak for the rest of the conversation.
(5) And don't ask me to explain anything.
(6) It's too complicated for your pathetic, little mind.
(7) I know how minds work (because I've studied neurology) ... and yours just doesn't work at all.
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISM (X)
(1) Yes, I can't prove that God does not exist.
(2) So, I'm NOT going to prove that your religion is wrong.
(3) But I'm going to criticize you for thinking your religion is right.
(4) It's a subtle but important distinction because it magically allows me to admit that I can't prove anything and yet prove God does not exist.
(5) I cannot prove that God does not exist.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INTOLERANCE (III)
(1) It's dumb that I should respect other people's religious beliefs.
(2) It just ends up causing a bunch of wars.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INTOLERANCE (IV)
(1) It's dumb that Christianity doesn't respect other people's religious beliefs.
(2) It just ends up causing a bunch of wars.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SCIENCE AND STUFF (V)
(1) If a religion changes one of its laws, then it proves that religion is wrong.
(2) When science changes one of its laws, then it proves that science is honest, good, true, beautiful, sexy, etc.
(3) But if you question a scientific law, then you're wrong, even if it turns out later you were right (with science updating itself accordingly).
(4) So don't ever contradict anything that comes out of the mouth of a scientist (especially an atheist scientist).
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ATTRITION
(1) This is how you argue with a theist:
(2) Criticize the belief in God with a bunch of inadequate arguments.
(3) When a theist calls you out on your lack of logic, nonchalantly admit you technically can't prove anything about anything.
(4) This should let down their guard.
(5) Then, suddenly go on criticizing the belief in God with a bunch of other abysmally idiotic arguments (or, even better, the same damn ones as before).
(6) That should baffle them.
(7) Repeat as ad naseum until you drive everybody in the area insane, including yourself.
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INCONSISTENT REVELATIONS (I)
(1) It is unlikely that God exists because many theologians and faithful adherents have produced conflicting and mutually exclusive revelations.
(2) Either they all must be true, or they all must be false.
(3) However, if they are all true, then they would contradict each other.
(4) Therefore, all of them cannot be true.
(5) Therefore, all of them are false.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INCONSISTENT REVELATIONS (II)
(1) Atheist: "It is unlikely that God exists because many theologians and faithful adherents have produced conflicting and mutually exclusive revelations."
(2) Theist: "Isn't it possible that some of those purported revelations aren't REAL revelations from God ... but maybe some are?"
(3) Atheist: "Oh, it's better than that. None of them are real."
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM IMMUTABILITY
(1) They say God cannot change.
(2) However, change is required for thinking and acting.
(3) Therefore, if God exists, God cannot think or act.
(4) But theists respond that since ideas themselves have a timeless quality about them, a timeless mind could hypothetically contain them and thus unchangeably "think" them.
(5) Also, they say that God eternally willed the changes in creation into existence, though within creation itself, creatures experience them in a temporal sequence.
(6) In response to this, just say ... just ... just roll your eyes ... yeah ... just roll your eyes at them ... that'll teach 'em.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM EXTRANEOUS DIVINITY
(1) The universe does not require God.
(2) Just look around.
(3) The universe works just fine without God.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM DESIGN, a.k.a. ARGUMENT AGAINST DIVINE SIMPLICITY
(1) They say that something must have created the universe because it's so complex.
(2) But the creator, in order to create the universe, must have been even more complex.
(3) Therefore, if theists are right about (1), something must have created God too.
(4) Even though theists insist that God is completely "simple".
(6) Kind of like how complex mathematics are based off simpler mathematics.
(7) However, I say that being simple is kind of like being complex.
(8) Therefore, God's divine simplicity is really actually quite complex.
(9) Therefore, something must have created God.
(10) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INFANTILE INTELLIGENCE (II)
(1) Atheist: "Babies don't believe in God. Therefore, we should think like babies."
(2) Theist: "Babies also don't believe in bookshelves either. Does that mean we shouldn't believe in bookshelves?"
(3) Atheist: "No. Babies are retarded. But not in their strident, almost Dawkinsian-like atheism that they obviously profess."
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE BURDEN OF PROOF (III)
(1) Atheist: "You have to prove that God exists if you're going to try and force me to believe in Him."
(2) Theist: "Actually, I'm not forcing you to believe in Him. You're free to believe or disbelieve."
(3) Atheist: "If that's true, why are you always criticizing atheism?"
(4) Theist: "Because all the reasons you're obsessively spouting off for disbelieving in God are stupid."
(5) Atheist: "So what if they're stupid? You still have to prove God exists! Otherwise, stop forcing me to believe in Him! I mean, come on! You're trying to force it on me right now!"
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE BURDEN OF PROOF (IV)
(1) Theist: "Hey, I ran into my old roommate from college yesterday."
(2) Atheist: "Prove it!"
(3) Theist: "Uh ... what?"
(4) Atheist: "You made a claim! The burden of proof is on you!"
(5) Theist: "Hey, just calm down, man."
(6) Atheist: "Can't prove it, eh? Then, it's irrational for me to believe you!"
(7) Theist: "Dude. You don't have to believe me. I was just saying."
(8) Atheist: "You know what? Since you can't prove your claim, YOU shouldn't believe it either!"
(9) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE BURDEN OF PROOF (V)
(1) If something exists, then there should be proof of it.
(2) If there isn't, then it might as well not exist.
(3) And if someone claims they have experienced such a thing, that person shall be branded "idiot."
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE BURDEN OF PROOF (VI)
(1) If something exists, then there should be proof of it.
(2) If there isn't, you shouldn't believe it.
(3) I admit, there are plenty of things that I believe that are not proven.
(4) But they're not "life changing."
(5) Except those that are.
(6) But those are exceptions.
(7) God is not an exception ... God sucks.
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM AGNOSTICISM (V)
(1) This website is obviously just making fun of "gnostic atheism" and not "agnostic atheism."
(2) (Even though a lot of these dumb arguments are used by agnostic atheists, minus, of course, the "Therefore, God does not exist.")
(3) Still, as an agnostic atheist, I insist that I feel that this is not making fun of my view (I mean, my lack of view).
(4) Therefore, God does not exist. (I mean ... well ... you get my point)
ARGUMENT FROM AGNOSTICISM (VI)
(1) Atheist: "I can't prove that the Christian God doesn't exist. But I also can't prove that Zeus, Hera, Thor, or Horus don't either."
(2) Theist: "... okay. So?"
(3) Atheist: "You obviously don't believe they exist either. My disbelief in the Christian God is the same kind of disbelief you have for those pagan gods."
(4) Theist: "I actually DO believe they exist. They're called demons. That's what the Bible and the Saints have said at least."
(5) Atheist: "I hate you so much."
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM AGNOSTICISM (VII)
(1) Even though I'm trying to give you every possible reason not to believe in God, I'm not saying you should believe that there is no God.
(2) Even though, honestly, I would totally be okay if you thought that.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
PASTAFARIAN ARGUMENT (III)
(1) Atheist: "I can't prove that the Christian God doesn't exist. But you can't prove that the Flying Spaghetti Monster doesn't exist either."
(2) Theist: "... okay. So?"
(3) Atheist: "Ha. You fell into my trap."
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
PASTAFARIAN ARGUMENT (IV)
(1) Atheist: "I can't prove that the Christian God doesn't exist. But I also can't prove that the Flying Spaghetti Monster doesn't exist either. So, why do you believe in one but not the other?"
(2) Theist: "Because I've felt God's presence and He fills my life with purpose, meaning, happiness, love, and joy."
(3) Atheist: "Well, what if the Flying Spaghetti Monster does all that for me?"
(4) Theist: "Does it?"
(5) Atheist: "Well ... no ... but what if it DID?"
(6) Theist: "You mean, what if Christianity is wrong that the Christian God is the only thing that can truly fulfill you?"
(7) Atheist: "Yeah! Then Christianity would wrong! Right? Ha. Got you again!"
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
PASTAFARIAN ARGUMENT (V)
(1) Atheist: "You believe in the Christian God because you 'feel his presence' or whatever. But I don't. Therefore, I think you're lying."
(2) Theist: "Wow. That's some solid reasoning skills there."
(3) Atheist: "Thank you. I mean, what if someone told you they feel the presence of the Flying Spaghetti Monster? You'd think they'd be lying ... or at least crazy, right?"
(4) Theist: "Yeah, probably."
(5) Atheist: "But you probably couldn't prove it. Just like I can't prove that God does not exist. So, how am I any different from you?"
(6) Theist: "I guess I just feel inclined to take a leap of faith and believe the Flying Spaghetti Monster doesn't exist."
(7) Atheist: "Yeah, see, that's exactly what I do. Wait! Faith?!! I didn't say I was taking a leap of faith!!! How dare you insinuate that!!! You ... you ... bastard!!!"
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
PASTAFARIAN ARGUMENT (VI)
(1) I'm an atheist.
(2) But for some reason I enjoy worshipping a deity made of spaghetti to make a point.
(3) I like to pretend it fills that void in my heart that religion is designed to fulfill.
(4) Maybe it's becoming a little obsessive and creepy now.
(5) But it's okay, I'm an atheist.
(6) Therefore, it's okay to practice a little idolatry if I feel like it.
(7) Hey, we atheists gotta worship something too, you know?
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
PASTAFARIAN ARGUMENT (VII)
(1) The meatballs on the Flying Spaghetti Monster look like testicles.
(2) Teehee.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM EVOLUTION (I)
(1) Just say, "Darwin," and everything will be fine.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM EVOLUTION (II)
(1) Life didn't just come into existence from nowhere.
(2) It came into existence SLOWLY from nowhere.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SPACE AND TIME
(1) Anything that exists occupies space and time.
(2) Therefore, logic, mathematics, philosophy, beliefs, morality, atheism, and (most importantly) God do not exist.
(3) Therefore God does not exist.
BILL MAHER'S ARGUMENT FROM THE DOCUMENTARY "RELIGULOUS"
(1) "Religion"
(2) + "Ridiculous"
(3) = $!!!
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE BIG BANG (I)
(1) The Big Bang.
(2) It was the Big Bang ... all the way.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE BIG BANG (II)
(1) Nothing created the Big Bang.
(2) Nothingness is sort of like God in that way.
(3) It can create things.
(4) And it doesn't exist.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE BIG BANG (III)
(1) Atheist: "The Big Bang created the universe. Therefore, God does not exist."
(2) Theist: "What created the Big Bang?"
(3) Atheist: "I don't know."
(4) Theist: "Could it have been God?"
(5) Atheist: "No. Because then who created God?"
(6) Theist: "Maybe God always existed."
(7) Atheist: "Well, maybe the universe always existed."
(8) Theist: "I thought you said the universe began with the Big Bang."
(9) Atheist: "Well, yeah, I mean, maybe the ... Big Bang always existed."
(10) Theist: "What?"
(11) Atheist: "I mean, maybe the thing (whatever it was) that created the Big Bang always existed."
(12) Theist: "You mean, like, God?"
(13) Atheist: "Pffft ... no ... certainly not."
(14) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE BIG BANG (IV)
(1) Georges Lemaitre came up with the theory of the Big Bang.
(2) Georges Lemaitre was a Catholic priest.
(3) Atheists laughed at him for that theory.
(4) Now we know he was right.
(5) Therefore, priests are stupid.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE JUSTICE (I)
(1) God creepily knows all your sins and won't let you get away with anything.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE JUSTICE (II)
(1) God is totally indifferent to evil and lets everybody get away with sin.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM NEUROSCIENCE (III)
(1) Some people who are near death experience supposed "mystical visions."
(2) However, some people don't.
(3) Therefore, the ones who did experience "mystical visions" must not have been experiencing them.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ALMOST CERTAINLY ARGUMENT (I)
(1) I admit I cannot prove that God does not exist.
(2) However, there is "almost certainly" no God.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ALMOST CERTAINLY ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Atheist: "There is almost certainly no God."
(2) Theist: "Why?"
(3) Atheist: "Don't ask me why. It's impossible to prove the non-existence of God. Don't ask me to do the impossible."
(4) Theist: "Yeah, but why did you say that there's 'almost certainly' no -"
(5) Atheist: "You're pretty much doing it again. Just stop it. Okay? Thanks."
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ANTI-TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (II)
(1) It's self-evident that things in the universe do not have a purpose.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ANTI-TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (III)
(1) The things in the universe seem to have a purpose.
(2) That's just because they SEEM to have a purpose.
(3) But trust me, they really don't.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ANTI-TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (IV)
(1) The things in the universe clearly do have a purpose.
(2) But their purpose didn't come from God.
(3) It came from ... whatever ... we don't really know.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM GODLESS GEEKS (IV)
(1) So, basically all these "arguments" are just changed to support the other side. (even though that's not true if you actually read them)
(2) You could literally do this with ANYTHING.
(3) Therefore, you can ignore the fact that a lot of atheists make these stupid arguments.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ANNOYING ATHEISTS
(1) Some atheists aggressively attack theists with stupid arguments.
(2) Many theists find this annoying.
(3) If God exists, surely theists wouldn't have to suffer like that.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM RELIGIOUS PERSECUTION
(1) Religious people have sometimes oppressed those with different views.
(2) This is cruel and unjust.
(3) Therefore, religion is cruel and unjust.
(4) Therefore, justice and public safety demand religion be prohibited by law.
(5) Therefore, atheists are really the only people who defend freedom and allow people to believe whatever they want.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTIFIC FALLIBILITY
(1) Atheist: "Science proves the Bible is wrong about [insert claim here]. Therefore the Bible isn't infallible. Therefore God doesn't exist!"
(2) Theist: "Let's ignore the more blatant presumptions you've packed into that. Question: Is science infallible?"
(3) Atheist: "No, it's continually being updated. That's the beauty of it!"
(4) Theist: "I see. So I'm supposed to doubt an infallible source of knowledge because a fallible source of knowledge contradicted it."
(5) Atheist: "But the Bible isn't infallible! I just proved that!"
(6) Theist: "Using a source of knowledge you just admitted is fallible."
(7) Atheist: ".... meh. Screw you."
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM TWO COWS
(1) You have two cows.
(2) Neither of them believe in God.
(3) Therefore God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SURREALISM
(1) You have two giraffes.
(2) Ceci n'est pas un argument.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SAYING THE SAME THING IN A DIFFERENT WAY (I)
(1) God is fictitious.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HOMOSEXUALITY (V)
(1) HIV, AIDS, Torn Rectums ...
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM UNICORNS
(1) Unicorns (invisible, pink, or otherwise) do not exist.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INTANGIBILITY (I)
(1) If I can't touch something, it doesn't exist.
(2) I cannot touch God.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INTANGIBILITY (II)
(1) I admit there are many things that I cannot touch but which nonetheless exist.
(2) However, none of those things are God.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
"ONE GOD FURTHER" ARGUMENT (I)
(1) We're all atheists about most gods.
(2) Atheists just go one God further.
(3) Therefore, everybody is an atheist.
(4) Even those who aren't.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
"ONE GOD FURTHER" ARGUMENT (II)
(1) We're all atheists about most gods.
(2) Atheists just go one God further.
(3) Now, since you're an atheist, it wouldn't make sense for you to believe in God.
(4) But you do believe in God.
(5) Therefore, you're contradicting yourself.
(6) Therefore, the only solution is not to believe in God.
(7) Also known as atheism.
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
"ONE GOD FURTHER" ARGUMENT (III)
(1) Atheist: "We're all atheists about most gods. Atheists just go one God further."
(2) Theist: "Um ... sure."
(3) Atheist: "Yeah, so you should become an atheist now."
(4) Theist: "Why?"
(5) Atheist: "Because you're an atheist already."
(6) Theist: "Really? Then why do I need to become an atheist if I'm one already?"
(7) Atheist: "Well, there's that tiny, little detail about you still believing in God."
(8) Theist: "Yeah ... that."
(9) Atheist: "But whatever. It's still counts. You're totally an atheist. Yep. Pretty awesome."
(10) Therefore, God does not exist.
"ONE GOD FURTHER" ARGUMENT (IV)
(1) It's more rational not to believe in any Gods than to believe in one God and reject all others.
(2) This is evident from the following principle:
(3) If you don't believe in some things under a certain label, then it's more rational to disbelieve all things that are also under that label.
(4) For example, a lot of people believe in Mount Everest over there in the Himalayas, but not in any other Mount Everests outside the Himalayas.
(5) Clearly, that's dumb.
(6) It would be more rational for them to disbelieve in all Mount Everests, including the one in the Himalayas.
(7) Everyone is an "a-mount-everest-ist" about some Mount Everests.
(8) Some of us just go one Mount Everest further.
(9) Likewise, with the same exact flawless logic, it is totally irrational to believe in one, true God.
(10) Therefore, God does not exist.
"ONE GOD FURTHER" ARGUMENT (V)
(1) We're all atheists about most gods.
(2) Why don't we go one God further?
(3) See? I phrased it as a question this time.
(4) So, you can't criticize my argument.
(5) Because it isn't an argument.
(6) And yet it is.
(7) Muhahahaha!
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM POLYTHEISM (VI)
(1) Atheist: "No one believes in Thor or Apollo anymore."
(2) Theist: "Actually, there are a bunch of neo-pagans who ..."
(3) Atheist: "Shut up. You get my point."
(4) Theist: "Which is?"
(5) Atheist: "That ... uh ... since no one believes in Thor and Apollo anymore, God does not exist. And even if some people still do, it just shows how stupid religious people are ... and therefore, God does not exist."
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM POLYTHEISM (VII)
(1) If one does not believe in X, then it follows that one should not believe in Y.
(2) You do not believe in Thor.
(3) Therefore, it follows that you should not believe in God.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PERFECTION
(1) Jesus and saints are too perfect. I can't relate to them.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM IMPERFECTION
(1) Christians are evil. I'm so much better than them. Every single one of them.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE BIG BANG (V)
(1) The Big Bang didn't need God.
(2) Stephen Hawking said so.
(3) That should be good enough for any intelligent person.
(4) I mean, come on, it's good enough for me (and that's saying something).
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INFINITE REGRESS (IV)
(1) Atheist: "If God created the universe, who created God?"
(2) Theist: "No one. God always existed."
(3) Atheist: "Why?"
(4) Theist: "Because God is timeless, spaceless, and immaterial."
(5) Atheist: "Well, maybe the universe is like that. So, maybe the universe always existed."
(6) Theist: "Are you actually suggesting the universe is timeless, spaceless, and immaterial?"
(7) Atheist: "... um ... well ... no ... but ... actually ... Yes! It pokes a hole in your argument. So, I'm going to believe that now."
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HELL (II)
(1) Atheist: "I deny God. Am I going to hell?"
(2) Theist: "If you keep it up, there's probably a good chance."
(3) Atheist: [getting really angry] "How dare you condemn me to a place I don't think exists! How dare you!"
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT BY DEFAULT
(1) Atheist: "God does not exist."
(2) Theist: "Prove it."
(3) Atheist: "Well, okay, actually, I should say 'I don't believe in God'."
(4) Theist: "So, you didn't mean to say 'God does not exist'?"
(5) Atheist: "Well, until something is proven, the default position of a rational person is disbelief."
(6) Theist: "Is that a yes or a no?"
(7) Atheist: "Let me put it in a way that you can understand: God does not exist."
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MY LITTLE WORLD
(1) If you take God out of the picture, my entire world functions the same way.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SCIENCE AND STUFF (VI)
(1) Science can provide an answer for just about everything.
(2) The origin of the universe is an exception.
(3) There might be a couple other things.
(4) But that's about it.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INFANTILE INTELLIGENCE (III)
(1) It's not easy to be an atheist.
(2) You have to put a lot of thought into it.
(3) Except babies.
(4) Babies don't believe in God.
(5) Therefore, we should revert back to the intellectual status of babies.
(6) It's easy, entirely natural, and totally not an insane thing to do.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM GALILEO (IV), a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM QUEEN'S BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY
(1) GALILEO!
(2) galileo.
(3) GALILEO!
(4) galileo.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE BIG BANG (VI), a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM HONESTY
(1) The Big Bang created the universe.
(2) But what created the Big Bang?
(3) Christians say, "God did it."
(4) But atheists say, "I don't know."
(5) The atheist answer is much more honest.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OMNISCIENCE (IV)
(1) God can't know everything.
(2) There could be something that He doesn't know that He doesn't know.
(3) And there is no way He could know that He doesn't know it if there were.
(4) This is assuming, of course, God does not know everything.
(5) Otherwise, there would not be any hypothetical thing outside His knowledge that He wouldn't know about.
(6) But this assumption actually helps my argument.
(7) Because if you assume God is not omniscient, then, of course, it follows that He is not omniscient.
(8) Therefore, God is not omniscient.
(9) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM RELIGIOUS AGREEMENT/DISAGREEMENT
(1) All religions are pretty much the same.
(2) Therefore, all religions must be wrong.
(3) Oh, wait, they actually all disagree with each other.
(4) Therefore, all religions must be wrong.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
BADASS ARGUMENT
(1) Being a badass is cool.
(2) Except when God is portrayed in the Bible as a badass.
(3) All that badass stuff in the Old Testament was totally not cool.
(4) If God is good, He would be lame like in the New Testament.
(5) But being lame isn't cool either.
(6) Therefore, God isn't cool no matter what he does, unlike badass atheists.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INTELLIGENCE (II)
(1) Theists claim that an explanation is demanded to explain the existence of intelligent creatures.
(2) Therefore, they claim that God created intelligent creatures.
(3) However, if that's true, then God must be more intelligent than the intelligent creatures He creates.
(4) Therefore, if an explanation is needed to explain the existence of intelligent creatures, then an explanation is even more demanded to explain the existence of God.
(5) So, using God to explain things, just creates more conundrums.
(6) At this point, the theist would probably respond, "God always existed. He exists by His very nature. That's the explanation of His existence."
(7) But we atheists will reply, "Well, why can't we use that very same explanation to explain the existence of intelligent creatures without bringing in God?"
(8) The theist may respond, "Because we intelligent creatures obviously don't exist by nature since we haven't always existed and we constantly die off. Therefore, something that always existed ultimately had to create us."
(9) To which we atheists will shake our heads condescendingly and never respond to that particular argument.
(10) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE SIMPLICITY (II)
(1) Atheist: "You theists say that the universe is complex, thus God must have created it. However, God seems even more complex, therefore it would seem that something would have created God."
(2) Theist: "Actually, as you know, we think that God is completely immaterial and not composed of different parts. Therefore, He cannot be complex. We call this the doctrine of Divine Simplicity."
(3) Atheist: "That's too complicated."
(4) Theist: "As in ... you don't understand what I just said?"
(5) Atheist: "No, I totally understood it. And I think it's retarded."
(6) Theist: "Why?"
(7) Atheist: "Forget it. It's too complicated for you to understand."
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INFINITE REGRESS (V)
(1) Even if you grant that God is the Uncaused Cause of the Universe, there is still the question, "What caused God?"
(2) The question obviously doesn't make sense.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE JESUS SEMINIAR
(1) The Bible doesn't tell us anything about what Jesus REALLY said or did.
(2) The Jesus Seminar proved this.
(3) Well, at least, I think it did, right?
(4) What was the Jesus Seminar again?
(5) Whatever.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT
(1) I'm not giving God, religion, or anything like that the benefit of the doubt.
(2) This is because doubt can only be used to the DETRIMENT of God, religion, and that kind of stuff.
(3) Some philosopher back in the olden days proved this, so you'd be showing your ignorance if you decide to disagree with that.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HISTORICAL EVIDENCE (III)
(1) Atheist: "There's no evidence that Jesus existed."
(2) More Informed Atheist: "No. There's tons of evidence."
(3) Atheist: "Who the hell are you?"
(4) More Informed Atheist: "I'm an atheist who actually has studied history. Stop embarrasing us."
(5) Atheist: "What? You're an atheist? You think Jesus actually existed?"
(6) More Informed Atheist: "Yes. I'm a professional historian. The evidence for Jesus is overwhelming. No one in my field has ever said otherwise."
(7) Atheist: "Well, dude, I'm afraid I'm going to have to disagree with you, even though I'm no historian. But it's cool that you're an atheist. So I won't hold it against you."
(8) More Informed Atheist: "Oh Jesus..."
(9) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ATHEIST CREATION MYTH
(1) There was nothing.
(2) Then nothing happened to a bunch of other nothing.
(3) Then nothing magically exploded for no reason.
(4) Then a bunch of everything popped out of this explosion.
(5) Then the everything rearranged itself into things like dinosaurs, computers, and atheists.
(6) But there were those who denied the truth that the universe came from the Great Nothing.
(7) The atheists smote the heathens with what they called "logic."
(8) And the atheists were victorious in their heads.
(9) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINST CHRISTOLOGICAL MEDIATION
(1) Jesus can't be the only way to God.
(2) There has to be others.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM POLYTHEISM (VIII)
(1) There can't be just one God.
(2) Look at all those other religions.
(3) They can't all be wrong.
(4) In fact, they are.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM EXISTENTIAL LONELINESS
(1) We are all alone in the universe.
(2) Theist: "How do you know that?"
(3) Shh ... shhhh ... be quiet ... We are all alone ... in the universe ....
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM RELIGIOUS FELLOWSHIP
(1) Churches trick people into believing in God by showing them love and giving them a sense of meaning in life.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM EINSTEIN
(1) Einstein said that God does not play dice with the universe.
(2) He was using the word "God" in a poetic way.
(3) Einstein wasn't wrong about anything.
(4) As I've shown you, Einstein proved that God does not exist.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM GUNS, GERMS, AND STEEL
(1) Jared Diamond (an expert in birds) "proved" that all civilization and history is solely determined by being in the right place at the right time or something like that.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INSANE MAJORITY
(1) Only raving, pscyhotic lunatics believe in a God.
(2) Theist: "Most people believe in a God."
(3) Well, obviously, most people are raving, psychotic lunatics!
(4) In fact, I'm pretty much the only sane person around here!!!
(5) Ecky-ecky-ecky-ecky-pikang-zoom-boing-mumble-mumble!
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THEISTIC IMPULSE
(1) We want to believe in God.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OVERSIMPLIFICATION
(1) The Muslims who flew airplanes into the World Trade Center believed in God.
(2) Therefore, nuns who take care of the poor are evil too.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM CERTAINTY (I)
(1) Religion dogmatically sets down what the truth is.
(2) It destroys all the mystery in life.
(3) Science is more exciting because it's about uncertainty.
(4) Therefore, religion is dumb.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM CERTAINTY (II)
(1) Religion is based on faith, not proof.
(2) It's all about "mystery." Ooooh!
(3) Science, on the other hand, is about facts and what can be proven.
(4) Therefore, religion is dumb.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
LAWRENCE KRAUSS'S ARGUMENT FROM NOTHING
(1) I define "nothing" as "something."
(2) Therefore, something can come from nothing.
(3) The universe came from nothing.
(4) Therefore, it came from something.
(5) But this something was not God.
(6) This something was nothing.
(7) And God is not nothing.
(8) Well, at least, He's definitely not something.
(9) Which is kind of like nothing.
(10) Except that nothing is something.
(11) But God isn't something.
(12) God is nothing.
(13) You know what I mean.
(14) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM RICHARD DAWKINS ACTING LIKE THE APE HE CLAIMS TO BE
(1) Someone posted a YouTube video of Richard Dawkins panting like a chimpanzee during one of his interviews.
(2) It makes Richard Dawkins look dumb.
(3) Therefore, that video must be voted down.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINST THE COSMIC TURTLE
(1) Some believe that the whole world exists on the back of a giant turtle.
(2) This is the same thing as believing in God.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINST ANTONY FLEW (I)
(1) Antony Flew was once the most famous and outspoken atheist thinker of the 20th century.
(2) However, he eventually believed in God.
(3) Therefore, his name is anathema.
(4) We shall never speak of this again.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM UNPROVABILITY
(1) If something can neither be proved nor disproved to exist, then it proves that it does not exist.
(2) God can neither be proved nor disproved to exist.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM STAR TREK (I)
(1) In Star Trek V, Kirk said, "What does God need with a starship?"
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM STAR TREK (II)
(1) Star Trek V.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PHILOSOPHY (I)
(1) Atheist: "All religions are wrong because they contradict each other."
(2) Theist: "Would you say then that all philosophies are wrong because they contradict each other?"
(3) Atheist: "No, because philosophy is based on reason. It's okay if views based on reason contradict each other."
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PHILOSOPHY (II)
(1) Philosophies contradict each other.
(2) Therefore, truth does not exist.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SAYING THE SAME THING IN A DIFFERENT WAY (II)
(1) I'm not saying God doesn't exist ... I'm saying God is a fairy tale.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PRESUMED DIVINE INDIFFERENCE
(1) If God exists, He doesn't care about us.
(2) This is because, if I were God, I wouldn't care about us either.
(3) Therefore, this proves that God doesn't care about us.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM GOD OF THE GAPS (V)
(1) Science will be able to explain everything without the need to bring God into the picture.
(2) What's my proof?
(3) Well, just look at the plain fact that, some day, science will advance to the point where we'll be able to explain everything ... and then it'll obviously be clear that we don't need God, wouldn't it? Gotcha.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM COSMIC WONDER
(1) The universe is awesome.
(2) You would sap its awesomeness by bringing God into the picture.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM COSMIC DISGUST
(1) The universe is despicable.
(2) If God really did exist, He wouldn't have made the universe so terribly.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM NOT CARING ABOUT A FAIRLY IMPORTANT QUESTION
(1) I don't think it's a very important question whether Jesus existed.
(2) It only matters inasmuch as whether God exists, loves us, gives meaning to the universe, and stuff like that.
(3) In other words, not very interesting stuff.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM A TYPICAL RESPONSE
(1) Atheist: "God does not exist."
(2) [Theist gives a response.]
(3) Atheist: "Oh ... what a typical response."
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM COURAGE
(1) I can't prove God does not exist.
(2) Therefore, it doesn't logically follow that God does not exist.
(3) But I think one should have the "courage" to go ahead and assert, "God does not exist."
(4) I admit that's not a strictly logical way of going about it, but I don't really care.
(5) I just don't want to be labelled an "agnostic."
(6) Those guys are lame.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT WITHOUT ARGUMENT
(1) I hate it when theists say, "Can you actually PROVE that God doesn't exist?"
(2) Man, I hate that.
(3) Because, no, of course, I can't prove it.
(4) But somehow that doesn't matter in my head.
(5) Because God doesn't exist no matter what proof there is or isn't.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
DAN BARKER'S ARGUMENT FROM NOTHING (I)
(1) Something can't come from nothing.
(2) They say God came from nothing.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
DAN BARKER'S ARGUMENT FROM NOTHING (II)
(1) Atheist: "You think God came from nothing. But that's absurd."
(2) Theist: "Let me clarify what you think we're saying. Do you think we're saying: (a) God began existing without a cause, or (b) God did NOT begin to exist because He always existed? Which one do you accuse us of saying?"
(3) Atheist: "Whichever one is more absurd."
(4) Theist: "Well, (a) is definitely wrong. However, we don't believe (a). We believe (b)."
(5) Atheist: "Well, then you're still saying God came from nothing. I thought you guys said something can't come from nothing."
(6) Theist: "Yes, something can't come from nothing in the sense of (a), but rather in the sense of (b)."
(7) Atheist: "Nah. You've shot yourself in the foot."
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM CONVENIENT DEFINITIONS
(1) Atheist brings up an apparent contradiction regarding a common theological claim.
(2) Then the atheist says to the audience, "I know theologians define things differently in a way that it doesn't result in a contradiction. But I'm going to define them like this anyway so it DOES result in a contradiction. So, just ignore what theologians actually say. They're morons."
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM UNHAPPINESS ... I MEAN, HAPPINESS
(1) Atheists are quite happy without God, thank you very much.
(2) Except when we're not (and we consistenly kill ourselves at a statistically higher rate).
(3) It's like the exception that proves the rule ... or something like that.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PEER PRESSURE (I)
(1) Most people are not atheists.
(2) You should go against the herd, think for yourself, and become an atheist.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PEER PRESSURE (II)
(1) Most people are really atheists.
(2) You should get with it, join the club, and become an atheist.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
PETER MILLICAN'S ARGUMENT FROM THE RESURRECTION
(1) People say that if Jesus' resurrection is true, there's a God.
(2) But that doesn't follow at all.
(3) All that follows at most is that there is some supernatural being capable of performing a physical resurrection on a human being.
(4) This is totally different from God obviously.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
PETER MILLICAN'S ARGUMENT FROM QUANTUM PHYSICS
(1) Quantum physics shows us that how we think is unreliable.
(2) Therefore, arguments for God based on self-evident truths, common sense principles, and logic strike me as completely unpersuasive.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
PETER MILLICAN'S ARGUMENT AGAINST THE FINE-TUNING ARGUMENT
(1) It appears that the laws of the universe have been fine-tuned to give rise to complex life.
(2) However, we're discovering new things everyday, like dark matter.
(3) Therefore, one day, we'll discover a way to explain away the fine-tuning argument.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
PETER MILLICAN'S ARGUMENT FROM THE CREATION OF THE UNIVERSE, a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM BEYOND CONCEPTION (I)
(1) The thing that created the universe is probably far beyond our conception.
(2) (Theist: "Could this thing be God? We're always saying God is far beyond our conception, and you guys always give us flak for that.")
(3) No, because some things about God can be understood ... I'm talking about something that can't be understood at all. Understand?
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM BEYOND CONCEPTION (II)
(1) Theists say that "God is beyond our conception."
(2) Such a cop-out.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE HERITAGE OF ATHEISM
(1) I'm smart because I read a lot of high-brow books written by "atheist intellectuals."
(2) I'll just ignore the fact that a lot of them were eugenic, totalitarian, nihilistic, and/or outright insane psychopaths.
(3) But I'll defend those very qualities if it means defending atheists.
(4) Therefore, atheist intellectuals are the cream of the crop in terms of both academic and moral achievement.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SECULAR HUMANISM
(1) I have too much faith in the goodness of humanity to posit that there is a source of goodness outside of us.
(2) Even though it was humanity itself that came up with the belief in divinity and still largely believes in it.
(3) But, yeah, screw what most of humanity thinks.
(4) Humanity is dumb.
(5) Instead, we should put our faith in humanity.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HISTORICAL ACROYNYMS
(1) B.C. = B.C.E.
(2) A.D. = C.E.
(3) Now God has nothing to do with history.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM FREE THOUGHT
(1) I am a free thinker.
(2) That means I'm forbidden to believe in God.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM DISHONEST SYMPATHY
(1) That poor, starving person is in such pain.
(2) I feel for him.
(3) I understand him.
(4) I share his atheistic sentiments.
(5) Wait! He believes in God!
(6) What a frickin' moron!
(7) His belief in God was the thing that made him poor!
(8) Well ... serves him right.
(9) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PROJECTION
(1) I feel a deep sense of loneliness in my soul.
(2) Therefore, others must feel this too.
(3) Therefore, theists also know in their soul that there is no God.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM NAZI BELT BUCKLES
(1) The Nazis had belt buckles that had "Gott Mit Uns" on them.
(2) That means: "God is with us."
(3) Belt buckles don't lie.
(4) But this one does.
(5) Because God doesn't exist.
(6) Just look at the Nazi belt buckles.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MADE-UP TECHNICALITY
(1) Lots of horrible people have murdered in the name of religion.
(2) And, yeah, there have been lots of horrible murderers who were atheists too.
(3) But the difference is that those atheists didn't murder "in the name of atheism."
(4) Therefore, even if it's true that atheism inclines one to screw morality due to the perceived absence of eternal consequences and all that, that's totally and completely irrelevant to the situation.
(5) Religion is worse, no matter what, and atheism can't be blamed for anything ever.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
RICHARD DAWKINS' 7-POINT SCALE ARGUMENT
(1) In terms of my certainty about God's non-existence, I'm 6.9 out of 7.
(2) That means I can call myself an atheist, when in fact I'm an agnostic who can't show you any valid reason why there isn't a God.
(3) However, as a 6.9-degree atheist, I do provide many mediocre arguments which don't technically follow from their premises.
(4) And if you criticize me for that, I'll just remind you that I'm only a 6.9-degree atheist (that is, I technically don't have any valid reasons for being an atheist).
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
AYN RAND'S WEIRD DOUBLE-STANDARD ARGUMENT
(1) If you believe in God, you destroy reason.
(2) Nonetheless, I recommend everyone read Thomas Aquinas (the most famous Catholic philosopher in history) as one of the top three greatest thinkers in history.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM BIGFOOT
(1) Bigfoot (and his various permutations found in other cultures) does not exist.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM JESUS CONJURATION (I)
(1) Ask Jesus to appear.
(2) He won't.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM JESUS CONJURATION (II)
(1) Ask Jesus to appear.
(2) If he does, you're delusional.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM JESUS CONJURATION (III)
(1) I asked Jesus to appear.
(2) Good thing he didn't.
(3) I would have had no excuse.
(4) It was almost merciful in some ... nah, God's stupid.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
COSMICALLY ARROGANT ARGUMENT
(1) Atheist: "It's arrogant to think the universe was created for us."
(2) Theist: "Would it be arrogant even if God told us that He created the universe for us?"
(3) Atheist: "Well, no. But there's no evidence that God said that."
(4) Theist: "Actually, I think there is ..."
(5) Atheist: "All right, fine! It would STILL be arrogant EVEN IF God said that! There. The crap I have to put up with ..."
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISTIC PREDESTINATION (I)
(1) Atheists who convert to theism never really were atheists.
(2) This is because once an atheist always an atheist.
(3) So don't bring up former atheists in conversation ever again. It's uncomfortable.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISTIC PREDESTINATION (II)
(1) Theists who convert to atheism did so because they were intelligent.
(2) This is because if you're intelligent, you are nececessarily an atheist or will eventually become one.
(3) If you don't become an atheist, it means you're not intelligent.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM LABORATORY EVIDENCE
(1) I'll believe in miracles when one is confirmed by laboratory observation.
(2) However, if laboratory observation cannot show that an alleged miracle is explainable by natural causes (which happens from time to time), science will one day progress to the point where it can.
(3) Therefore, no miracle has ever (or will ever) be confirmed by laboratory observation.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
NO GOD OF THE GAPS ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Science can't explain everything.
(2) However, one day, it will.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
NO GOD OF THE GAPS ARGUMENT (I)
(1) How do I know science will explain everything one day?
(2) Well, I admit, I can't explain it.
(3) But science will.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM NOVELTY
(1) The New Atheism will never get old.
(2) Otherwise, the New Atheism wouldn't be the New Atheism.
(3) But the New Atheism IS the New Atheism.
(4) Therefore, the New Atheism will never get old.
(5) Therefore, the New Atheism wins.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM GODLESS GEEKS (V)
(1) This website sucks so hard.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ANTI-TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (V)
(1) Teleological thinking is childish.
(2) Take the example of a person who just baked a delicious batch of chocolate-chip cookies.
(3) Childish theists would say that those cookies exist to be eaten.
(4) Ha!
(5) But really, they exist because flour, eggs, sugar, and butter came together and solidified after a prolonged exposure to heat.
(6) These two explanations are clearly incompatible and mutually exclusive.
(7) Therefore, (3) has to be false, and (5) has to be true.
(8) This applies to everything in the universe.
(9) Therefore, any teleological argument used in support of God's existence is as stupid as saying that somebody could bake cookies for the purpose of eating them.
(10) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM BRUTE FACT (I)
(1) If I can't explain something, I'll scream: "Brute Fact!" and then the monsters will go away.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM BRUTE FACT (II)
(1) A "brute fact" is "something that cannot be explained."
(2) Therefore, atheists can explain the existence of the universe by calling the universe a brute fact.
(3) Therefore, God is not needed to explain the universe.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
PETER SLEZAK'S ARGUMENT FROM NO EVIDENCE (I)
(1) If there is evidence of theism, then I would not argue with you.
(2) I am arguing with you.
(3) Therefore, there is no evidence of theism.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
PETER SLEZAK'S ARGUMENT FROM NO EVIDENCE (II)
(1) If there is no evidence of theism, you'd still argue with me.
(2) You are still arguing with me.
(3) Therefore, there is no evidence of theism.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ADMITTING YOU DON'T HAVE AN ARGUMENT
(1) I don't believe in God ... because of science!
(2) (Theist: "How does science disprove God?")
(3) Listen, science can do a lot of things.
(4) But, yeah, it can't show that God doesn't exist.
(5) But science does pretty well considering.
(6) So just cut it some slack, will you?
(7) I mean, why do you hate science so much?
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ANTI-METAPHYSICAL ARGUMENT (II)
(1) I don't like the word "metaphysics."
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE HIGGS BOSON PARTICLE (I)
(1) [Insert something about the "Higgs Boson Particle"].
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE HIGGS BOSON PARTICLE (II)
(1) The Higgs Boson created the universe, not God.
(2) That's why it's called the "God Particle."
(3) But don't call it the "God Particle."
(4) You have no idea how annoyed I get when I hear that.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
PARAPSYCHOLOGICAL ARGUMENT
(1) There is absolutely no evidence for ESP.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ANTI-CAUSALITY ARGUMENT
(1) The universe appeared out of nowhere without any sort of cause.
(2) This is totally reasonable.
(3) It's like if a giant turtle suddenly appeared in the sky, fell to the earth, and crushed Colorado.
(4) Sure, some would ask, "What could have caused that?"
(5) But the reasonable atheist would wisely interject, "Who's to say it needed a cause? Maybe it just happened for absolutely no reason."
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM COSMIC MAGIC
(1) Saying God created the universe from nothing is essentially like a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat.
(2) Rather, the universe came into existence from nothing.
(3) In other words, the magician and the hat do not exist.
(4) Therefore, the rabbit just appeared out of nowhere for some reason.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM KNOWING SOMETHING JUST BECAUSE
(1) We all know that rape is wrong.
(2) Even atheists.
(3) Therefore, God is not needed to figure out morality.
(4) Sure, God can EXPLAIN why morality is the way it is and why it exists.
(5) But that's not important.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HUMAN INTUITION
(1) The way to determine morality is by looking at what humans have generally intuited about right and wrong.
(2) Therefore, what humans have generally intuited about God (i.e. that He exists) is wrong.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SKEPTICISM
(1) God makes it very hard for skeptics to believe in God.
(2) That is, God makes it hard for those who don't believe in God to believe in God.
(3) If God really existed, those who don't believe in God would believe in God.
(4) However, this would be a contradiction because atheists, by definition, do not believe in God.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM TYPOS
(2) i fond an tyypo im on off Thiese argeumint's,
6. there-for.. gOD dose Not exit ..
PETER SLEZAK'S ARGUMENT FROM ATTENDING DEBATES
(1) People's strong conviction about God is different from their other convictions, as evidenced that they show up to debates between atheists and theists.
(2) They wouldn't show up to a debate regarding whether the Harbor Bridge exists.
(3) Therefore, their conviction that God exists must not be genuine.
(4) Therefore, the atheists who also show up to those debates automatically win.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ACADEMIA
(1) Over time, there have been a growing number of atheists in education.
(2) That's why education is getting so much worse ... I mean, it's totally getting better.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE PRODUCTIVITY
(1) The evolutionary process is slow and inefficient.
(2) God would have made it faster.
(3) This is beause God, being eternal, would have been pressed for time.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HOW GOD SHOULD HAVE TURNED THE UNIVERSE INTO A HAUNTED HOUSE (translated by William Lane Craig)
(1) They say God makes our suffering beneficial in the long run.
(2) But why doesn't God get more specific?
(3) Whenever something the least bit painful happens, we should immediately hear God's voice laying out the providential significance of what just happened.
(4) For example, God would whisper, "The reason you just fell down the stairs and broke your ankle is that 75 years from now I'm going to have someone in Mexico who will greatly benefit from the effects of this event."
(5) But God does not do this.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINST THE BIBLE (I)
(1) It is unreasonable that God chose to communicate to us through a random book.
(2) Some people may never hear of that book.
(3) Therefore, it is unreasonable to expect me to know about God through that book.
(4) Even though I know about that book and have become quite familiar with it through debating with Christians and being a former one myself.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINST THE BIBLE (II)
(1) Atheist: "It is unreasonable that God chose to communicate to us through a random book."
(2) Theist: "He communicates to us in other ways too."
(3) Atheist: "Well, still, some people will never know about that book."
(4) Theist: "Then God won't hold them responsible for things specifically in the Bible. He'll judge them based on the truth that was available to them."
(5) Atheist: "Well, okay, I personally know about the Bible and Christianity, but why do I feel I can get off the hook on this point?"
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINT EX NIHILO CREATION (I), a.k.a. ARGUMENT AGAINST AN APPARENT INCOHERENCE BY ARGUING FOR A DOUBLE INCOHERENCE
(1) Something can't come from nothing.
(2) Therefore, God can't make something come from nothing.
(3) Therefore, the universe was not created by God out of nothing.
(4) Therefore, the universe was created by nothing out of nothing.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINT EX NIHILO CREATION (II)
(1) Atheist: "If you think something can't come from nothing, how can you say God created the universe from nothing?"
(2) Theist: "We mean that God did not use pre-existing, eternal matter to construct the universe, unlike what some pagan philosophers argued. Instead, we say God created the matter as well. In other words, besides God, there was nothing existing before He created the universe."
(3) Atheist: "That's ridiculous. It's much more likely that the universe began to exist from nothing for no positively no rational reason whatsoever."
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM QUANTUM PHYSICS (III)
(1) Quantum physics disproves self-evident truths, common sense principles, and logic.
(2) Therefore, you cannot use self-evident truths, common sense principles, and logic in arguing for the existence of God.
(3) However, you can use them to argue against the existence of God.
(4) And, more importantly, you can use their opposites (i.e. non self-evident truths, lack of common sense, and illogical garbage) to argue against the existence of God too.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE GRAND UNIFIED THEORY
(1) The Grand Unified Theory does not exist yet.
(2) Therefore, the Grand Unified Theory does not contain anything in it yet.
(3) Therefore, it does not contain God.
(4) Therefore, God must be extraneous to the explanation of why the universe exists.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
RICHARD DAWKINS' ARGUMENT FROM BEING EXCITED EITHER WAY
(1) Maybe science will explain everything.
(2) Maybe science will never explain everything.
(3) Either possibility is exciting.
(4) If (1) happens, science will prove God does not exist.
(5) If (2) happens, science will not prove God exists, in which case it essentially implies that God does not exist.
(6) Either way, it's exciting.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM EVOLUTION (III)
(1) Darwinism does away with the need for God when explaining the diversity of living species.
(2) Different species don't exist because "God did it."
(3) Different species exist because those that exist have survived, and those that don't exist have not survived.
(4) In other words, those that exist exist, and those that do not exist do not exist.
(5) If you believe in God, you somehow disagree with this.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
BETTER UNIVERSE ARGUMENT
(1) If God exists, He would have made a better universe.
(2) The universe is not better than it is.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
BEST UNIVERSE ARGUMENT
(1) If God exists, He would have made the best universe.
(2) The universe is not the best universe.
(3) I'm not sure what I mean by "best" but this can't be it.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
NO BEST UNIVERSE ARGUMENT
(1) Maybe the idea of a "best universe" is absurd.
(2) Maybe there is no upper limit to how a good a universe can be.
(3) So, maybe God just had to pick a universe out of an infinite spectrum of possibile universes.
(4) Still, if God exists, He would have picked one just a little bit better than this one.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM BIBLICAL LITERALISM (I)
(1) Most Christians don't read the Bible in a literalistic fashion.
(2) However, some Christians do, and end up interpreting some of its poetic verses as quack, scientific theories.
(3) Therefore, the Bible is wrong.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM BIBLICAL LITERALISM (II)
(1) Some atheists read the Bible in a literalistic fashion.
(2) Unlike Christians who do this, these atheists should be applauded.
(3) This is because they can then discredit the Bible by interpretiong its poetic verses as quack, scientific theories.
(4) Therefore, the Bible is wrong.
(5) Therefore, God does no exist.
ARGUMENT FROM BIBLICAL LITERALISM (III)
(1) All metaphors should be taken literally.
(2) All metaphors are, literally speaking, false.
(3) The Bible contains metaphors.
(4) Therefore, the Bible is wrong.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PROBABILITY (I)
(1) Theists like to argue that the universe seems to be designed by an intelligent being because the universe is fine-tuned to support life, making it improbable that the universe is an accident.
(2) However, this does not follow.
(3) Take this card analogy:
(4) Drawing all Aces randomly from a deck seems more improbable than drawing, say, a Queen of Spades, a Six of Diamonds, a Nine of Clubs, and a Jack of Spades.
(5) However, both examples actually have the exact same probability.
(6) In fact, every combination of cards has the exact same probability as all other combinations.
(7) Therefore, no thing is more or less probable than anything else.
(8) That would mean, probable things are just as probable as improbable ones.
(9) Therefore, while it is improbable that the fine-tuned aspects of the universe happened by accident, it is therefore equally probable that it happened by accident.
(10) Therefore, it is improbable the universe was created by a God.
(11) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PROBABILITY (II)
(1) Regarding the previous argument, some would argue that a universe that is fine-tuned for life is analogous to drawing all aces, whereas a universe that is not is like drawing any other hand but not any one in particular.
(2) Yes, okay, in that respect, drawing four aces is legitimately improbable compared to the alternative.
(3) However, who's to say a fine-tuned universe is like drawing four aces?
(4) Maybe it's more like drawing like a Queen of Spades, a Six of Diamonds, a Nine of Clubs, and a Jack of Spades (even though both have the same probability of being drawn).
(5) Therefore, while drawing four aces would suggest someone stacked the deck, drawing such a hand does not necessarily symbolize that our fine-tuned universe exists.
(6) Conversely, drawing a Queen of Spades, a Six of Diamonds, a Nine of Clubs, and a Jack of Spades would NOT suggest to people that someone stacked the deck (even though it's equally improbable as drawing four aces), it is perhaps these seemingly probable cards that are, in truth, symbolic that our fine-tuned universe exists.
(7) Therefore, even though our universe happens to be fine-tuned, it does not necessarily follow that it appears that way.
(8) Furthermore, if the universe does not seem to be fine-tuned, then there is no reason to think that an intelligent being exists to have fine-tuned it.
(9) In fact, there is no reason to assume that the universe seems to be fine-tuned (aside from the fact that it IS fine-tuned and that it seems that way to most people).
(10) Therefore, if something doesn't seem to be fine-tuned, then it follows that it would seem that nothing fine-tuned it (aside from the fact that it seems fine-tuned by some higher being and that sort of thing to billions of people).
(11) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PROBABILITY (III)
(1) Regarding the previous argument, even though it is more reasonable to conclude that a fine-tuned universe was more likely created by an intelligent being rather than by accident, it still does not follow for sure that it was created by an intelligent being.
(2) For all we know, the more probable chance that it was created by God might actually be less probable than the more improbable chance that it was not.
(3) Therefore, while it may be more probable that God fine-tuned the universe, it's possible that something else happened entirely (for example, perhaps God did not fine-tune the universe).
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PROBABILITY (IV)
(1) In poker, if the dealer happens to draw four aces for himself, some may accuse him of stacking the deck.
(2) However, God is not evil.
(3) Therefore, God would not stack the deck.
(4) Similarly, God would not have fine-tuned the universe.
(5) In fact, God would not even exist because that would be cheating.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PROBABILITY (V)
(1) Some say that a fine-tuned universe is improbable, unless an intelligent being designed it.
(2) However, it's a fact that we have a fine-tuned universe.
(3) Therefore, it is not improbable.
(4) Therefore, it is obvious that God did not fine-tune the universe.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PROBABILITY (VI)
(1) How could anyone think that the universe is "fine-tuned to support life?"
(2) The near-infinite majority of the cosmos is a vacuum, completely inhospitable to organic existence.
(3) It's just a baffling, improbable, and downright miraculous coincidence that the conditions of earth were just so right to support life.
(4) Therefore, nothing in the universe was fine-tuned to support life.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
THE GOLDEN ARGUMENT
(1) Christianity's Golden Rule is, "Love your neighbor as yourself."
(2) Many other religions and philosophies seem to include something like this.
(3) Even though Christianity never denied that other people could figure this out, this must mean somehow that Christianity is a mountain of lies.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM NOT SEEING EVIDENCE THAT CAN ONLY EXIST IF I SEE IT
(1) If any evidence of God exists, then I would have seen it by now.
(2) I have not seen it by now.
(3) Therefore, even if the evidence of God exists somewhere, it obviously doesn't exist because I have not seen it.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM LACKING CONVICTION BECAUSE OF LACKING CONVICTION
(1) If there were evidence of God, I would have seen some by now.
(2) Theists have presented what they think is evidence.
(3) However, I do not accept it as evidence.
(4) This is because I only accept evidence.
(5) And so the fact that I do not accept it proves that it isn't evidence.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM A CLEAR CRITERIA FOR EVIDENCE
(1) Theist: "For you, what would be valid evidence for the existence of God?"
(2) Atheist: "Any evidence. I'm open-minded."
(3) Theist: "Okay, but what sort of thing would you consider evidence?"
(4) Atheist: "Evidence that convinces me God exists."
(5) Theist: "Okay, sure, but what would it take to convince you of that?"
(6) Atheist: "It's your job to come up with that answer. I'm not going to do your work for you."
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM FUTURE CONVICTION
(1) Theist: "What would it take to convince you that God exists?"
(2) Atheist: "I don't know." ... or .... "I'll know when I see it."
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
EXEMPLARY ARGUMENT
(1) Theist: "Could you give me an example of something that would convince you that God exists?"
(2) Atheist: "That doesn't make any sense. If I had an example, then I'd be convinced already. However, as you see, I'm not convinced. Therefore, I don't have an example."
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISTS WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD
(1) If any evidence of God exists, it would have convinced atheists that God exists.
(2) However, atheists still don't believe that God exists.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
UNEXPLAINED ARGUMENT
(1) Atheist: "Give me one example of something that isn't explained except by God's existence."
(2) Theist: "The existence of the universe."
(3) Atheist: "No. We just don't have an explanation for the universe. Pick something else."
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM CHERRY-PICKING
(1) [Theist cites some sources for his argument.]
(2) Atheist: "You're cherry-picking."
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM LEPRECHAUNS
(1) Leprecauns do not exist.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO PROVE A NEGATIVE (VI)
(1) Atheist: "Christianity is NOT true. The world does NOT exist outside my head on Tuesdays. Plutonium is NOT radiactive when it's in hotdogs. Jesus did NOT exist during the time he actually existed. Circles are NOT round unless they're in the shape of squares. The holocaust did NOT happen, contrary to historical evidence. Your face does NOT exist as a face that is at all pleasant to anyone, even your mom. And most importantly ... God does NOT exist!"
(2) Theist: "Do you have proof for any of these stupid claims? Any proof whatsoever?"
(3) Atheist: "All of these are negatives. You can't prove a negative. Therefore, I don't need prove any of them. They're automatically legit."
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
APOCALYPTIC ARGUMENT (I)
(1) One day, the world is going to end.
(2) It would be nice to think everything is going to go on forever.
(3) But, sorry, it's not.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
APOCALYPTIC ARGUMENT (II)
(1) I hate Christians who preach that the world is going to end.
(2) They're just trying to get people to repent and believe in God.
(3) But whatever ... the world's not going to end.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM DIPLOMATIC UNBELIEVABILITY
(1) You cannot criticize someone for being an atheist.
(2) This is because it's illogical to criticize anyone who simply does not hold a certain belief.
(3) If you don't believe that, then I'll criticize you.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE EVER-CHANGING DEFINITIONS OF ATHEISM
(1) Atheist: "Atheism is the position that God does not exist."
(2) Theist: "Can you prove that position?"
(3) Atheist: "No. But I'm not saying God does not exist. Atheism is just the lack of a belief in God."
(4) Theist: "So, it's not a position?"
(5) Atheist: "Technically, that's correct. It suspends judgment regarding the existence of God."
(6) Theist: "Isn't that agnosticism?"
(7) Atheist: "No. I'm definitely not an agnostic. Agnosticism doesn't assume God does not exist. Atheism does."
(8) Theist: "So, atheism does take a position? I thought you said it didn't."
(9) Atheist: "Well, it assumes the negative, which is the rational default position in the absence of evidence."
(10) Theist: "I thought you said atheism suspends judgment instead of coming to a conclusion."
(11) Atheist: "I never tried to prove 'God does not exist'. No one can know either way."
(12) Theist: "Sounds like agnosticism again."
(13) Atheist: "Agnosticism and atheism are not incompatible. I'm an 'agnostic atheist'."
(14) Theist: "I thought you weren't an agnostic."
(15) Atheist: "Well, I just don't see any evidence that God exists. Or any gods for that matter."
(16) Theist: "So atheism rejects all gods?"
(17) Atheist: "Of course. Thor, Odin, Zeus, Hera, the whole deal."
(18) Theist: "How exactly are you defining 'gods'."
(19) Atheist: "Well, atheism is specifically the rejection of the monotheistic God."
(20) Theist: "I thought atheism rejects all gods."
(21) Atheist: "It reject all gods. You reject some too. That actually makes you an atheist. Some of us just go one God further."
(22) Theist: "I thought you said atheism rejects the monotheistic God. I believe in the monotheistic God."
(23) Atheist: "Well, in a certain way, I do as well."
(24) Theist: "How?"
(25) Atheist: "I'm a 'deist'. I believe in the existence of God. Technically, that still makes me an atheist."
(26) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE MYSTERIOUS PROOF THAT ATHEISTS DON'T WANT TO SHARE WITH EVERYBODY ELSE
(1) Atheist: "God contradicts reality as we know it."
(2) Theist: "How so?"
(3) Atheist: [gets side-tracked and never explains what the hell he's talking about.]
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SAYING THE SAME THING IN A DIFFERENT WAY (III)
(1) I'm not saying God doesn't exist ... God is imaginary.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM DRAWING THE OPPOSITE CONCLUSION FROM WHAT THE PREMISES IMPLY
(1) A world without God is a far better place.
(2) This place is not a far better place.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
DIVINE CONSPIRACY ARGUMENT (I)
(1) How do we know God isn't lying to us at every turn?
(2) You can't prove He's not.
(3) Maybe He's going to send us to hell even if we do what He says.
(4) Therefore, atheism will solve the problem.
(5) It'll magically protect us from what God is trying to do.
(6) Trust me. It'll work.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
DIVINE CONSPIRACY ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Maybe God is good.
(2) Maybe God is evil.
(3) Just to be on the safe side, let's deny God exists.
(4) That's the only way out of this problem.
(5) If anything, it'll piss God off.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM GOD'S EXISTENCE
(1) If everything is created, then God has to be created too.
(2) However, theists try to be tricky and say everything is created except God.
(3) But even then, God has to be created.
(4) He just has to be.
(5) I mean ... dude.
(6) However, if God is created, then God does not exist.
(7) God is created.
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ANOTHER DOUBLE-STANDARD ARGUMENT
(1) Atheist: "Many Catholic priests have turned out to be sex offenders. Therefore, the thing they stand for should be abolished."
(2) Theist: "I agree that pedophilia is evil. No dispute there. However, there are more sex offenders among teachers than among priests. Does that mean we should get rid of schools too?"
(3) Atheist: "Oh, I didn't know you were anti-education too."
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HITLER'S TOTALLY GENUINE CHRISTIAN FAITH (NO JOKE)
(1) Hitler said he was a Christian.
(2) That fact is anti-Christian gold.
(3) Therefore, we must try to get people to ignore all those other Hitler quotes about how he actually hated Christianity.
(4) Not to mention those quotes from other Nazis (like Joseph Goebbels) who said Hitler was just trying to appeal to Christian populations while he actually, in truth, despised the Church.
(5) And then we must make sure people forget that Hitler killed millions of Christians.
(6) Therefore, Hitler was a Christian in good standing.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HOW CONTROVERSY PROVES SOMETHING IS WRONG AND THEREFORE RIGHT
(1) If something is true, then there would be no disagreement about it.
(2) Therefore, if the statement "God exists" is true, then no one would disagree with it.
(3) I disagree.
(4) Therefore, instead of the statement "God exists" being true, the contrary statement "God does not exist" is true.
(5) Therefore, no one really disagrees with that.
(6) Because if they do, my argument would be ruined (namely, that true things are never controversial).
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM LOVING EXISTENCE TO DEATH
(1) Atheists know their time is limited, so they appreciate their existence so much more.
(2) Living forever would get boring.
(3) I mean, come on, existence isn't that great.
(4) I would absolutely hate existence after awhile.
(5) This proves atheists appreciate existence more than everybody else does.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SATANIC DEVOTION
(1) Hail Satan!
(2) Marvel at how I give homage to a thing I totally don't believe in!
(3) No, really, I'm just doing it because I hate the idea of God and reject Him wholeheartedly.
(4) Don't be creeped out too much.
(5) It's all symbolic ... I promise.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ATHEIST PRAYER OF THANKSGIVING ARGUMENT
(1) Thank God I'm an atheist.
(2) Ha. See what I did just there?
(3) I thanked God ... that I was an atheist.
(4) Damn, that's good.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
RICHARD DAWKINS' ARGUMENT FROM BEING TOO PUSSY TO DEBATE WILLIAM LANE CRAIG (I)
(1) Hello, I'm Richard Dawkins.
(2) My mission is to destroy the belief in God.
(3) I'm willing to debate with any theist.
(4) WLC is one of the most prominent theist apologists in the world at this moment, as he has decisively eaten alive many of my fellow atheists in many public debates.
(5) You'd think I'd debate with him and how him what's up, right?
(6) Wrong.
(7) WLC believes in God.
(8) Therefore, he's an idiot.
(9) Therefore, he's not even worth debating.
(10) Therefore, God does not exist.
RICHARD DAWKINS' ARGUMENT FROM BEING TOO PUSSY TO DEBATE WILLIAM LANE CRAIG (II)
(1) Hello, I'm Richard Dawkins.
(2) I have also been similarly spineless insofar as to refuse debates with other people ... so why not with WLC too?
(3) Other atheists have criticized my abject cowardice regarding the issue as well.
(4) However, can anyone really blame me, considering the very thought of him makes me poop my pants?
(5) Every night, I wake up screaming in the middle of the night.
(6) Therefore, I'm rationally justified in running away from WLC like the little girl I am.
(7) Don't forget ... I'm Richard Dawkins!
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HOLLYWOOD (I)
(1) Whenever a film says, "All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental," that means it's an accurate portrayal of what people are really like.
(2) On average, characters in Hollywood movies that don't profess Christian belief are more likeable and less crazy and creepy than those that do.
(3) Therefore, in real life, atheists are totally better than Christians.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HOLLYWOOD (II)
(1) I get real and fictional characters muddled up, and remember fiction as if it was real, and that's close enough to it actually being real.
(2) God is the sort of person that exists if the most likeable people believe in Him but not if the people that believe in Him are not as likeable.
(3) The real/fictional people I see in movies that believe in God are kind of lame and/or evil.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINST HAVING ALL THE ANSWERS
(1) Theist: [Answers all the questions the atheist asked him.]
(2) Atheist: "Well, you have an answer for everything, don't you?"
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE ABSENCE OF NOTHING
(1) Absence of nothing is evidence of nothing.
(2) There is evidence that something created the universe.
(3) Therefore, that is evidence that nothing created the universe.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM CHRISTIANTIY
(1) Atheists are more Christian than actual Christians.
(2) Therefore, Christians are all hypocrites, except the ones that are truly Christians, namely the atheists.
(3) Therefore God does not exist.
JOHN SCALZI'S ARGUMENT FROM DEGREE
(1) I am an atheist.
(2) I have a Bachelor's Degree in Philosophy of Language.
(3) From the University of Chicago!
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM LIBERAL CHRISTIANITY
(1) There should be a happy alliance with the Church and culture.
(2) The New kingdom will happen in and through the structures of the world, not the Church.
(3) We spread the kingdom by advancing social justice, especially as it relates to the freedom to abort and the holy elevation of homosexuals, transvestites, transgendered, bisexual and anyone who isn't sure.
(4) The core tenants of Christianity are false, especially as it relates to the divinity of God and the sinfulness of mankind (I mean, humankind).
(5) The Church is not animated by a transcendent truth, and exists solely for the forwarding of social justice.
(6) There is no absolute moral standard ... except for a Christian to love ("love" being defined as "complete acceptance of all sin.").
(7) Social justice is not progressing as we would like it to.
(8) There are still people who believe in, for example, God.
(9) Therefore, Christianity must be wrong.
(10) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM BOURGEOIS COMFORT
(1) I grew up in a university town.
(2) Now I live in rich, hipster Park Slope.
(3) My parents were atheist liberals, and also successful professionals and apparent intellectuals.
(4) Lots of Joan Baez records lying around the house as a kid.
(5) It was a very cushy life.
(6) I've never once stepped outside the liberal bubble, because why would I?
(7) It's comfortable in here!
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINST THE RESURRECTION USING ABIOGENESIS
(1) The Resurrection of Christ contradicts the laws of physics.
(2) Inanimate matter cannot become animate.
(3) With the exception of abiogensis which completely explains why there are living things in the universe to begin with (i.e. the theory that inanimate matter can become animate).
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SUB-HUMAN INTELLIGENCE
(1) Animals do not believe in God.
(2) That means we should think like animals.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HOMOSEXUALITY (VI)
(1) If animals do something, then it's okay for humans to do it too.
(2) Animals sometimes practice homosexuality.
(3) Therefore, it's okay for humans to practice homosexuality.
(4) Therefore, anyone who says otherwise does not exist.
(5) God says that.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE INHUMANITY AMONG ANIMALS
(1) Animals are evil.
(2) They rape and cannibalize each other.
(3) This means God is evil.
(4) Or else it means that God did not intend animals to be considered models of human behavior.
(5) However, this undermines my previous argument about homosexuality.
(6) Therefore, after we use this argument to disprove God, let's go back and pretend animals are perfect so we can continue using them to defend homosexuality.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SEX (I)
(1) Christians are afraid of sex.
(2) Sex is awesome.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SEX (II)
(1) Christians think sex is sacred.
(2) Sex is nasty, weird, and perverted.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
SAM HARRIS'S ARGUMENT AGAINST SEXUAL ETHICS
(1) God seems really interested in what we do when we're naked.
(2) But that's ridiculous.
(3) Sex isn't important at all.
(4) It only has to do with children, love, marriage, physical and psychological well-being, and is a neurotically constant topic of conversation amongst many people, like atheists.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ALIENS (III)
(1) Aliens exist.
(2) They put life on earth.
(3) They've advanced to a point where none of them believe in God.
(4) Why can't we follow their example?
(5) After all, they're sort of like gods to us.
(6) Sorry, that just came out.
(7) Not sure why I said that.
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINST BRINGING ABOUT A GREATER GOOD
(1) If God allows bad things to happen to bring about a greater good, then it follows that we should never try to stop bad things from happening, or else we'll prevent a greater good.
(2) However, God seems to allow people to sometimes prevent bad things from happening.
(3) Therefore, God does not always seem to allow bad things from happening.
(4) Sometimes, he gives people the opportunity to prevent them and bring about the greater good of getting people to become heroes.
(5) How dare he.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ERRONEOUS EQUIVALENCE
(1) [Atheist says how Christians believe some ridiculous thing.]
(2) [Atheist admits how Christians actually don't believe that ridiculous thing.]
(3) [Atheist says how they might as well believe that ridiculous thing, because the thing they do believe is just as ridiculous.]
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
SMARTPHONE ARGUMENT
(1) God does not exist.
(2) ... No, wait... Sh*t, I'm supposed to lead up to the conclusion.
(3) ...
(4) Give me a minute.
(5) [Browses smartphone]
(6) ...Wait, someone friended me on Facebook...
(7) It's not a hot chick.
(8) Ok... So yeah, it's simply made up. Oral history. Bronze age. Goat herders. Documentary hypothesis. Some oedipal complex thrown in.
(9) Gilgamesh.
(10) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION
(1) Religion can't explain everything.
(2) Science can ... or it will someday.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
MOST COHERENT ATHEIST ARGUMENT EVER, a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM REPEATEDLY SMASHING YOUR FIST ON THE KEYBOARD
(1) hjhtfdsgrkl
(2) }"
(3) "p;urqwaq dfhyop;
(4) ]\
(5) ]\-[lojuds
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO PROVE A NEGATIVE (VII)
(1) Atheist: "God does not exist."
(2) Theist: "Prove it."
(3) Atheist: "You can't prove a negative."
(4) Theist: "Yes you can. You can prove there are no elephants in this room."
(5) Atheist: "Actually, you can't. Maybe the elephants are invisible. You can't prove it either way."
(6) Theist: "Well, if you're going to doubt your senses like that, maybe there are no chairs in this room either. Maybe they're illusions."
(7) Atheist: "No, I can touch the chairs in this room. They're totally real."
(8) Theist: "So, you're saying it's impossible to touch illusory chairs?"
(9) Atheist: "That's right."
(10) Theist: "So, could you say that there are no touchable, illusory chairs in this room?"
(11) Atheist: "Correct."
(12) Theist: "Can you prove that?"
(13) Atheist: "Yeah ... I can totally prove that."
(14) Theist: "So, you CAN prove a negative. Namely, you can prove there are no touchable, illusory chairs in this room."
(15) Atheist: "Well, sure, okay, you can prove that negative. But you can't prove that God does not exist. That means it's justified to believe that God does not exist."
(16) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM TESTABILITY (I)
(1) If something isn't testable, then it does not exist.
(2) God is not testable.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM TESTABILITY (II)
(1) I tested God.
(2) God did not pass.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM STAGE LOGICIANS
(1) James Randi and Penn Jillette are atheists.
(2) They're also experienced stage magicians.
(3) Therefore, they're able to pick out how religions deceive people.
(4) Because they themselves deceive people.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SHOES, a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM DISCALCED ATHEISTS
(1) People wear a lot of different kinds of shoes.
(2) Therefore, it's clear that nobody can agree as to what kind of shoes are the right ones.
(3) Therefore, no shoes are the right ones.
(4) Therefore, nobody should bother with shoes.
(5) Obviously, I don't believe any of the foregoing arguments.
(6) However, if you replace "shoes" or "wearing shoes" with "belief in God" or "religion" etc., then the logic of this argument suddenly becomes valid.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM REDDIT
(1) Reddit doesn't believe in God.
(2) Everything on "Reddit" has been "read before."
(3) Therefore, God doesn't exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ECONOMICS (I)
(1) Lots of atheists are rich.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ECONOMICS (II)
(1) Lots of Christians are rich.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
GENERIC A POSTERIORI ARGUMENT
(1) If God exists, the world would not be like it is.
(2) The world is like it is.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM GODLESS GEEKS (VI)
(1) Did I mention we really hate this website?
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
TRENDY ARGUMENT
(1) Atheism is fashionable.
(2) That means it will never out go of fashion.
(3) Therefore, atheism will exist forever.
(4) And religion is pretty much already dead.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ANOTHER ARGUMENT AGAINST THIS WEBSITE
(1) Some religious drone out there thought this trash was worth the time it took to type.
(2) That's all I'm going to say.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OMNIPOTENCE (VI)
(1) They say God allows evil to bring about a greater good.
(2) But if God were omnipotent, He would bring about this greater good without needing to allow evil.
(3) This "greater good" they speak of has to do with God giving us the free choice to do good or evil.
(4) But if God were omnipotent, He could give us this free choice of doing good or evil without giving us the choice to do evil.
(5) However, this would be a contradiction, so God couldn't do that either.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (XIII)
(1) All miracles are coincidences.
(2) Coincidences happen.
(3) Miracles don't.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HOMOSEXUALITY (VII)
(1) Christians are gay.
(2) They turned "gay" into a bad word.
(3) But "gay" isn't a bad word.
(4) Being gay is great.
(5) {Shudder}.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ANDREW RYAN'S ARGUMENT FROM BIOSHOCK (I)
(1) Is a man not entitled to the sweat of his brow?
(2) "No!" says the Vatican, "it belongs to God!"
(3) I rejected that answer.
(4) Instead, I chose something different.
(5) I chose the impossible!
(6) I chose ...
(7) ... an atheistic, fascist, anarcho-capitalist, underwater, steampunk dystopia!
(8) It worked out great too.
(9) Therefore, God does not exist.
ANDREW RYAN'S ARGUMENT FROM BIOSHOCK (II)
(1) I believe in no God, no invisible man in the sky.
(2) But there is something more powerful in each of us, a combination of our efforts, a great chain of industry that unites us.
(3) But it is only when we struggle in our own interests that the chain pulls society in the right direction.
(4) The chain is too powerful and too mysterious for any government to guide.
(5) Any man who tells you differently either has his hand in your pocket or a pistol to your neck.
(6) If you disagree, I'll lynch you and mount your corpse on the wall for all to see.
(7) But you won't because I've put mind-controlling pheromones into the air.
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM AN ANGRY ATHEIST
(1) I'm mad that you make my arguments look stupid.
(2) Goddamnit, stop.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINST WHEN A THEIST USES ATHEIST LOGIC AGAINST AN ATHEIST
(1) Theist: "Do you believe in God?"
(2) Atheist: "No."
(3) Theist: "Prove it."
(4) Atheist "Um ... okay ... 'I do not believe God exists'. There."
(5) Theist: "How do I know you're not lying or hallucinating? Maybe you really believe in God."
(6) Atheist: "If I was a theist, I wouldn't be using retarded logic like that. I mean, I would. Because I would be retarded like that. But I'm an atheist. I'm not retarded. Therefore, I wouldn't use retarded logic that way. Therefore, I'm an atheist."
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ALIENS (IV)
(1) Extraterrestrials do not exist.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINST THE GODDIDIT ARGUMENT, a.k.a. THE GODDIDNOTDOIT ARGUMENT
(1) God did not do it.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
NEW ATHEIST ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Atheist: "God does not exist."
(2) Theist: "How do you know that?"
(3) Atheist: "Well, I don't know that. I never said, 'God does not exist'."
(4) Theist: "Really? I think you just did."
(5) Atheist: "Stop putting words in my mouth!"
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
NEW ATHEIST ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Theist: "If you don't know whether God exists or not, why don't you just suspend judgment?"
(2) Atheist: "I do suspend judgment. I'm tirelessly trying to destroy religion. That's what it means to suspend judgment. Don't you know? Gosh."
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
NEW ATHEIST ARGUMENT (III)
(1) The New Atheists are NOT agnostics.
(2) They're agnostics with personality disorders.
(3) So, don't let anyone tell you that the New Atheists are agnostics.
(4) We're much more complicated than that.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ALIENS (V)
(1) Aliens.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISTIC DIVINITY (I)
(1) If God exists, He would not think that a higher being created Him.
(2) Therefore, God is an atheist.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISTIC DIVINITY (II)
(1) Atheist: "If God thinks nothing created Him, then God is an atheist."
(2) Theist: "If you define 'atheist' as 'someone who believes that he was created by someone else', then yes. However, no one actually defines 'atheist' that way. God believes in God, namely Himself. Therefore, in that way, God would not be an atheist."
(3) Atheist: "Well, I believe in myself too ... does that make me God?"
(4) Theist: "No, because you began to exist, and you lack omnipotence, omniscience, omnibenevolence, and -"
(5) Atheist: "Nope. Atheism wins, because even if God exists he would be an atheist."
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISTIC DIVINITY (III)
(1) God is an atheist.
(2) Kind of like how the President of the United States does not believe in the President of the United States.
(3) However, that is absurd, and it obviously shows that the President of the United States does not exist.
(4) The same thing applies to God.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (XIV)
(1) Atheist: "Why doesn't God make Himself more known to us like He did in the Old Testament?"
(2) Theist: "Well, there are many accounts of miracles and supernatural apparitions that have happened since the Old Testament and continue to happen to this day."
(3) Atheist: "No. Those are all lies. Just like all those in the Old Testament."
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM DIFFICULT EASE
(1) Atheist: "It's unreasonable for God to hide Himself from us and then expect us to believe in Him."
(2) Theist: "Then why do so many people manage to believe in Him?"
(3) Atheist: "Because it's easy to believe in God."
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HELL (III)
(1) I'd rather go to hell than believe in an all-powerful being who can send people to hell.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTISM
(1) The only true statements are those that are empirically verifiable.
(2) Assume that (1) is empirically verifiable.
(3) The statement "God exists" is not empirically verifiable.
(4) Therefore, the statement "God exists" is false.
(5) Therefore, the statement "God does not exist" is true.
(6) Assume that (5) is empirically verifiable.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM CAPITALIZATION (I)
(1) I hate it how Christians capitalize the word "god."
(2) Therefore, god does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM CAPITALIZATION (II)
(1) I'm going to spell "God" like "gOD" from now on.
(2) Damn, that's good!
(3) See how it's like, you know, the opposite?
(4) Therefore, gOD does not exist.
PETER ATKINS'S COSMIC BOOTSTRAP ARGUMENT
(1) The universe was created by the universe at the very moment the universe sprang into existence.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTIFICALLY SANCTIONED NONSENSE
(1) Nonsense is not nonsense if a world-famous scientist says it.
(2) World-famous scientist X said that the universe was created by pure nothingness.
(3) Therefore, the notion that the universe was created by pure nothingness now officially makes sense.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INFINITE EXPLANATORY REGRESS (I)
(1) An explanation is only an explanation if there's an explanation for the explanation.
(2) Therefore, God is not an explanation unless God Himself has an explanation.
(3) And if there is an explanation for the explanation, then there has to be an explanation for the explanation of the explanation.
(4) This goes on forever.
(5) It is not possible for a theist to give an infinite amount of explanations for his explanations.
(6) Therefore, God cannot be used as an explanation because then you would have to explain an infinite series of other explanations.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM INFINITE EXPLANATORY REGRESS (II)
(1) An explanation doesn't need an explanation to be an explanation.
(2) Science explains things just fine using the laws of physics.
(3) Therefore, the laws of physics do not need an explanation.
(4) Therefore, the laws of physics do not need God to explain why the laws of physics are there.
(5) Therefore, God is not needed to explain anything ever.
(5) However, if there is something that can only be explained by God (e.g. the laws of physics), then an explanation is required to explain that explanation.
(6) And if there is some explanation of that explanation, then there has to be an explanation of that explanation of the explanation (otherwise none of those explanations are explanations, except the laws of physics which do not require any further explanation ... for some reason).
(7) Etc.
(8) From here, see the preceding proof to get the exact explanation why God does not exist (because it's getting a little repetitive).
(9) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THOROUGH SAMPLING OF THIS LIST
(1) No atheist makes any of these arguments.
(2) I know because I read one or two of them.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
GISH GALLOP ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Making more than just a couple arguments against atheism is wrong.
(2) This list is thoroughly guilty of that offense.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
GISH GALLOP ARGUMENT (II)
(1) If you encounter a high concentration of anti-atheist arguments, and you can't refute them, just say, "Gish Gallop!"
(2) And then you don't have to reply to a single one of them because you've won by default.
(3) This list is expressing anti-atheist arguments, many of which I cannot even begin to disprove.
(4) "Gish Gallop!"
(5) Therefore, atheism wins.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
GISH GALLOP ARGUMENT (III)
(1) This website is being intellectually dishonest by drowning atheists in a torrent of straw-man arguments.
(2) Only atheists are allowed to do that (see Godless Geeks).
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL OFFENSE (I), a.k.a. CRY-BABY ARGUMENT
(1) I'm offended by this list.
(2) Being offended doesn't make me feel good.
(3) If God exists, I would always feel good.
(4) But I don't feel good because I read this.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL OFFENSE (II)
(1) This list is trying to offend me.
(2) But it's failing.
(3) I'm totally unphased by it.
(4) I'm totally badass in that way, to be honest.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM IMMANUEL KANT (I)
(1) Theist: [Says anything].
(2) Atheist: "Kant disproved that."
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM IMMANUEL KANT (II)
(1) Theist: [Says something].
(2) Atheist: "Read Kant's 'Critique of Pure Reason'. It's a really thick, heavy volume which you'll probably never read. But it utterly destroys all your arguments."
(3) Theist: "I've actually read it. How exactly does it destroy any of my arguments?"
(4) Atheist: "Um, just read it ... again. Yeah. It totally ... uh ... it totally mows down pretty much everything you've said over the past ... ever. If you don't read it, you're being intellectually dishonest."
(5) Theist: "You do know that Kant believed in God and wrote his works in defense of Christianity, right?"
(6) Atheist: "Uh ... I think you're trying to find excuses to avoid reading Kant. I think you know I'm right. Looks like I win the argument. Again."
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM NOT COMMITTING TO A POSITION (I)
(1) I'm an atheist.
(2) I neither accept nor reject the claim "God exists."
(3) Therefore, I reject the claim "God exists."
(4) I don't have to support my position because, as I said, I neither accept nor reject the claim "God exists" as can be vividly seen by (3).
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM NOT COMMITTING TO A POSITION (II)
(1) I'm not saying "God does not exist."
(2) I'm merely rejecting the claim "God exists."
(3) I know it logically follows that I'm therefore claiming "God does not exist."
(4) But I'm an atheist.
(5) I can break the rules like that.
(6) I can totally do that sort of stuff whenever I feel like it because I'm an atheist.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE INVISIBLE SKY WIZARD
(1) God is an invisible sky wizard.
(2) An invisible sky wizards does not exist.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
MULTIVERSE ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Okay ... so our universe seems fine-tuned.
(2) I know! I'll pretend there's a whole heck of a bunch of other universes out there for no reason!
(3) Then, it won't seem crazy to think that one of those bagillion universes happened to be fine-tuned totally by chance/randomness!
(4) Where are all these other universes, you ask?
(5) They're invisible! You can't detect them with science! There's pretty much no evidence for them at all!
(6) Just like God!
(7) Except, unlike God, they exist because they totally explain away God's existence.
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
MULTIVERSE ARGUMENT (II)
(1) The multiverse theory explains away God.
(2) Even though one might ask, "Where did all those other hypothetical universes come from?"
(3) Well, definitely, not God.
(4) This is because I'm using the multiverse theory specifically to explain away God's existence.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MISREPRESENTATION
(1) This website is misrepresenting atheist arguments.
(2) I won't go into details.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SOME T-SHIRT ON ZAZZLE (I), i.e. ORIGINAL, QUASI-CARTESIAN, LATINY VERSION
(1) Cogito.
(2) Ergo Deus non est.
ARGUMENT FROM SOME T-SHIRT ON ZAZZLE (II), i.e. ENGLISH TRANSLATION
(1) I think.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SOME T-SHIRT ON ZAZZLE (II), i.e. INTELLIGENT COMMENTARY
(1) Don't take this T-shirt to be a real atheist argument.
(2) Even though I like it.
(3) In fact, I just bought one.
(4) And maybe I'll pretend it's a good argument if it annoys enough people.
(5) Which is pretty much going to be all the time.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM DESCARTES (I)
(1) Descartes was the founder of modern philosophy.
(2) He was the one who said: "I think, therefore I am."
(3) Guess what? He was an atheist!
(4) That means atheism is the foundation for all modern intellectual progress or something like that.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM DESCARTES (II)
(1) Ah, crap. I actually did some research and found out Descartes wasn't an atheist by any stretch of the imagination.
(2) In fact, he had a proof of God that was integral to his philosophy.
(3) In fact, he was frickin' Roman Catholic! Gross!
(4) Why did I think he was an atheist?
(5) Did I automatically assume he was because I thought he was smart?.
(6) Well. I don't care. Screw Descartes.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
RICHARD DAWKINS' ARGUMENT FROM CHILD ABUSE (I)
(1) Religion is child abuse.
(2) However, real child abuse isn't that bad compared to raising a child in a religion.
(3) I can speak from experience.
(4) Someone fondled my genitals when I was a child.
(5) It wasn't that bad.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
RICHARD DAWKINS' ARGUMENT FROM CHILD ABUSE (II)
(1) Religious people are against freedom.
(2) Therefore, we should prevent them from raising their kids religious.
(3) In fact, we should get the government to enforce that on the population.
(4) Yeah! Freedom! Atheist-style!
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
WRONG ARGUMENT (with Hitchensian overtones)
(1) Atheists are right.
(2) Atheists are never wrong.
(3) And when they're wrong, they're actually right in a profound way that religious people can't even begin to understand.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
OKLAHOMA CITY BOMBING ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Timothy McVeigh blew up a building and killed a bunch of people.
(2) He also told reporters that he didn't believe in God.
(3) But Aha! Look! Timothy McVeigh, like most people, went to church at some point in his life.
(4) Therefore, he was a Christian.
(5) Therefore, Christianity caused the Oklahoma City bombing.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
OKLAHOMA CITY BOMBING ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Timothy McVeigh, even though he didn't believe in God, was a Christian because he was raised Christian.
(2) By that logic, Richard Dawkins is a Christian too.
(3) But Richard Dawkins isn't a Christian.
(4) That would be crazy talk.
(5) But it's not crazy talk to say that Timothy McVeigh was a Christian.
(6) This is because he was a terrorist.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM REWRITING HISTORY TO MAKE IT PALATABLE FOR ATHEISTS
(1) Some atheists were bad people.
(2) However, some of those atheists were not really atheists.
(3) This is because some of them came from religious backgrounds (that they rejected).
(4) This makes these atheists not really atheists but, in fact, religious fanatics.
(5) Even though they were self-proclaimed atheists when they did those horrible things they did.
(6) Therefore, there are fewer bad atheists than what reality tells us.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
NO TRUE BAD ATHEIST ARGUMENT
(1) Good atheists are true atheists.
(2) Bad atheists are not true atheists (rather, it just means they were secretly religious due to early subconscious exposure to religion in their youth, which was the sole reason of their evilness).
(3) Therefore, there are only good atheists.
(4) That should tell you something.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PRIMATE STENOGRAPHY
(1) Obviously, people get the impression that the order in the universe came about because of an intelligent creator.
(2) But that should not be the response of a rational person.
(3) One must instead assume that the order came about by complete accident.
(4) Take the obvious order one sees in the works of William Shakespeare.
(5) A rational person's response to seeing the works of Shakespeare would be someting like: "Oh, there must be a lot of monkeys somewhere who typed all this crap by pure luck."
(6) Obviously, then, the universe came about because of pretty much the same reason.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
DANIEL DENNETT'S ARGUMENT FROM A WORD HE MADE UP
(1) A "deepity" is a word my daughter made up.
(2) It refers to something that sounds sort of profound but is actually sort of trivial and meaningless.
(3) Anything that theology says is classified as a "deepity."
(4) Yep.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
DEEPITY ARGUMENT
(1) God is just a word.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
INCOMPREHENSIBLE ARGUMENT
(1) I cannot comprehend advanced quantum mechanics.
(2) But I believe in advanced quantum mechanics because people tell me that it's science!
(3) I cannot comprehend God.
(4) If I cannot comprehend something (unless it's like ... you know ... science and stuff), then it's obviously stupid.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
SEBEASTIAN FAURE'S ARGUMENT FROM NOT HAVING THE RIGHT TO DENY GOD'S EXISTENCE BUT DOING SO ANYWAY
(1) No one can comprehend God.
(2) I admit that doesn't give me the right to deny Him.
(3) However, it does not give you the right to affirm Him.
(4) But you affirm Him.
(5) Therefore, that gives me the right to deny Him.
(6) Even though I just admitted that I do not have the right to deny Him.
(7) But that's not going to stop me.
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
SEBASTIAN FAURE'S ARGUMENT FROM AN EFFECT CAUSING ITS CAUSE
(1) There cannot be an effect without a cause.
(2) Likewise, there cannot be a cause without an effect, for a cause is not a cause unless there is also an effect.
(3) The universe is an effect.
(4) God is its cause (so they say).
(5) However, before the universe was caused, the universe did not exist.
(6) Therefore, the effect did not exist.
(7) Therefore, its cause did not exist either (because, again, a cause can only exist if its effect exists).
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
(9) (P.S. This would also mean that, not only God, but all causes do not exist ... but meh)
SEBASTIAN FAURE'S ARGUMENT FROM ETERNAL CAUSES NECESSARILY CAUSING ETERNAL EFFECTS AND THEREFORE NOT EXISTING
(1) If a cause is eternal, then its effect is eternal (by the law of, you know ... stuff).
(2) God is eternal.
(3) Therefore, the universe is eternal.
(4) But if the universe is eternal, then it could not have been caused.
(5) Therefore, nothing caused the universe.
(6) Therefore, God did not cause the universe.
(7) Hopefully, (1) is true.
(8) Even though it would mean that, since the universe is eternal, everything the universe causes would also be eternal.
(9) But everything that the universe has caused is not eternal.
(10) Therefore, (1) is obviously false.
(11) Therefore, this argument is obviously wrong.
(12) Except for its conclusion:
(13) Therefore, God does not exist.
CONVENIENT ARGUMENT
(1) Sure, there's some evidence that God exists.
(2) But that's a little too convenient.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MY IMAGINATION
(1) Having an imaginary friend is a sign of mental illness.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
(3) Having an imaginary enemy, however, is a sign of intelligence.
(4) I have an imaginary enemy.
(5) His name is God.
(6) And I hate his guts.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS' ARGUMENT FROM IT ALL TURNING OUT THE SAME IN THE END
(1) Christians believe that God will right all the wrongs at the end of time.
(2) So ultimately what we do doesn't really matter (except that evil people will go to hell, and good people will go to heaven).
(3) This is in contrast to the atheistic view, where, no matter what you do, the universe will entropically tear itself apart and no one will exist anymore no matter what anyone does with their life.
(4) So clearly, life under the atheist view is more meaningful.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE GOD DELUSION (III)
(1) The only book I've read is The God Delusion.
(2) Dawkins is the smartest man ever borned.
(3) He says ... well, honestly ... that God does not exist.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
SAM HARRIS' ARGUMENT AGAINST FRANCIS COLLINS
(1) Francis Collins is a high ranking scientist who headed the human genome project.
(2) But he also believes in God.
(3) Therefore, he is probably not a real scientist.
(4) Theist: "But Dr. Harris, Collins has produced hundreds of publications in several scientific fields. Many more than you have."
(5) But, God doesn't exist, therefore Collins is obviously not a true scientist.
(6) Therefore God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE FAILURE OF SCIENCE
(1) Science has been wrong before, even when it had really good ideas.
(2) If science can be wrong, just think how wrong theology probably is.
(3) Therefore, any compelling arguments that theology makes is probably wrong (just as science is wrong, except even worse).
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
MICHAEL SHERMER'S ARGUMENT FROM PATTERNICITY (I)
(1) We humans like to assume things have patterns, even when they're not there.
(2) God is the overarching pattern that we want to assume exists so we can explain the universe.
(3) However, this pattern is actually not there.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
MICHAEL SHERMER'S ARGUMENT FROM PATTERNICITY (II)
(1) We humans like to assume things have patterns, even when they're not there.
(2) When we hear a rustle in the grass, maybe it's the wind or maybe it's a predator.
(3) Evolution has made us more cautious and makes many of us assume it's a predator.
(4) Therefore, belief in God is our evolutionary tendency to believe that the whole universe was not created by nothinginess (or "wind") but a conscious being we have called God (or "the predator").
(5) Therefore, since we are inclined to think that way, the opposite must be true.
(6) Therefore, you don't have to fear any consequences after you die.
(7) Any evidence to the contrary is just "the wind."
(8) In other words, it's not evidence, but "wind" doesn't exist.
(9) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM EVOLUTION (IV)
(1) Evolution has made us believe in God.
(2) But we need to evolve beyond evolution.
(3) Otherwise we're no better than the animals.
(4) Therefore, we should stop believing in God.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM EVOLUTION (V)
(1) Humans are just animals.
(2) Believing we're more than just animals goes completely against evolution.
(3) It's against the rules to go against evolution.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER (VII), a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM A FATALISTIC REINTERPRETATION OF DIVINE PROVIDENCE
(1) Pray for something.
(2) Is that something in God's Divine Plan?
(3) If yes, prayer is redundant.
(4) If no, prayer is futile.
(5) Either way, prayer serves no purpose.
(6) This, of course, is assuming that God's plan does not allow for "contingencies."
(7) In other words, I'm assuming His plan does not allow for things that don't necessarily have to happen but nonetheless could happen depending on people's free will and, in particular, what they pray for.
(8) I won't allow the baselessness of this assumption to destroy my argument (because, quite frankly, it doesn't fit into my plan).
(9) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER (VIII), a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM GROCERY SHOPPING
(1) Today, I planned to buy groceries.
(2) However, on my way, someone called me on my cellphone.
(3) I talked to them for five minutes.
(4) That wasn't strictly an integral part of my plan for buying groceries.
(5) Nonetheless, I ended up buying groceries all the same.
(6) However, even though I expected someone might call me, it wasn't an essential ingredient to my plan for buying groceries.
(7) Therefore, it proves that my plan for buying groceries didn't really exist in the first place.
(8) In fact, it effectively proves that the planner (me) didn't exist either.
(9) Therefore, anything that happens that is not an integral part to God's plan proves that God's plan (as well as God) is one big lie.
(11) Therefore, merely asking God for something is, in short, clear proof that God does not exist.
(12) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER (IX)
(1) Theologians claim that God wills some things "absolutely" and other things "contingently."
(2) That is, some things God brings about no matter what.
(3) And other things He brings about only if certain conditions are met.
(4) Therefore, it might be part of God's plan that I'll find my lost driver's license only if I pray for it.
(5) Therefore, prayer is not necessarily redunant or futile.
(6) Except for the fact that God is just made up.
(7) Therefore, prayer is, in fact, futile.
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MEMES (I)
(1) Funny internet pictures with words on them wouldn't have existed if Richard Dawkins hadn't come up with a name that would later be applied to them.
(2) That's how completely amazing and influential atheism is.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HELL (IV), a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM YET ANOTHER ATHEIST WHO WANTS TO GO TO HELL
(1) If heaven and hell turn out to be real, I would rather go to hell.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
(1) You realize that AA is just a religious organization and not science, right?
(2) Therefore it does not really help anyone overcome addiction.
(3) Theist: "But there is ample statistical evidence that many AA participants successfully recover."
(4) I thought I just said how AA wasn't science. I mean, you were standing right next to me. Are you deaf of something?
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ROCKET SCIENCE
(1) It doesn't take a rocket scientist to believe in God.
(2) It takes a rocket scientist NOT to believe in God.
(3) That's why atheists are so smart.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
CELEBRITY ARGUMENT
(1) Here's a list of movie celebrities that do not believe in God.
(2) ...
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
FISH FRIDAY ARGUMENT
(1) The Catholic Church used to prohibit eating meat on fridays.
(2) But it doesn't anymore.
(3) Ha!
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OCKHAM'S RAZOR (II)
(1) If something is [more] complicated (than it needs to be in order for it to exist), then it [probably] does not exist.
(2) God makes things (Ex: the universe) [more] complicated (i.e. than the universe needs to be in order for it to exist).
(3) Therefore, God [probably] does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM COMMON SENSE (II)
(1) Come on, atheism is just common sense.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM FEMINISM (III)
(1) Atheist: "I just can't agree with somebody who thinks women aren't people."
(2) Theist: "What? The Bible says men and women are both in God's image."
(3) Atheist: "I don't think that's what the Bible says. I mean, you don't believe women are people."
(4) Theist: "I'm talking to you, a woman, who is a person."
(5) Atheist: "Look, I'm not trying to be confrontational, you're the one who believes in a disproved God."
(6) Theist: "God's existence has been disproved? When? How?"
(7) Atheist: "Any viewpoint that says women aren't people is obviously false."
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
JEAN-PAUL SATRE'S FREEDOM ARGUMENT
(1) If God exists, I cannot be free.
(2) I am free.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM RATIONALIZED SEXUAL MISBEHAVIOR (I)
(1) Wait.
(2) Sexual morality?
(3) Pfffft!!!
(4) Nope.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM RATIONALIZED SEXUAL MISBEHAVIOR (II), a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM WILHELM REICH
(1) I'm uncomfortable that God exists, especially when I masturbate.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS' POISONIOUS ARGUMENT
(1) [Points to a bad thing religion did.]
(2) [Points to a bad thing religion did.]
(3) [Points to a bad thing religion did.]
(4) From these particular examples, it is proven that religion poisons everything.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
NO TRUE EVIDENCE ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Atheist: "There is no evidence of miracles."
(2) Theist: "There have been millions of reports of miracles throughout history."
(3) Atheist: "That's not evidence."
(4) Theist: "Yes, it is. It's anecdotal evidence. And lots of it."
(5) Atheist: "Anecdotal evidence is unreliable. My point stands."
(6) Theist: "No, it doesn't. You said there was no evidence of miracles, but I've shown that there technically is."
(7) Atheist: "Well, there is no TRUE evidence of miracles."
(8) Theist: "What kind of evidence for miracles would you consider true?"
(9) Atheist: "So far, none."
(10) Therefore, God does not exist.
NO TRUE EVIDENCE ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Atheist: "Science has never confirmed that any supposed miracle was actually a miracle."
(2) Theist: "Obviously, because science only studies the physical world by definition. It can't detect supernatural causes that are outside of its defined scope of study."
(3) Atheist: "Still, it has never confirmed any miracle. That's damning evidence."
(4) Theist: "Uh, right. Well, science has been unable to explain many supposed miracles. You can admit that at least."
(5) Atheist: "Yeah, so? Just because science can't explain something, that doesn't mean it's a miracle."
(6) Theist: "Yeah, but do you admit that some of them could be miracles?"
(7) Atheist: "No. Because if it was, then science would tell us. But it's never done that. Therefore, only things that science is able to confirm is true. That means only the physical world exists because that's what science studies ... by definition."
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
NO TRUE EVIDENCE ARGUMENT (III)
(1) All alleged miracles that currently defy scientific explanation may be explained by science later on.
(2) Therefore, there is no evidence that miracles actually defy scientific explanation.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
NO TRUE EVIDENCE ARGUMENT (IV)
(1) Science has never confirmed the existence of any sort of paranormal activity.
(2) If it does prove something like that one day (e.g. telepathy), there may be a natural explanation for it.
(3) And if there isn't, there would still technically be no reason to conclude that it was supernatural.
(4) So, even though there's no evidence of paranormal activity, nothing would really change if it turned out that there was.
(5) Atheism wins no matter what.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM STAR TREK (III)
(1) Star Trek is totally an atheist show (no doubt about it).
(2) All the wonders that happen on it seem like magic ... but actually it's all science!
(3) So, even if telepathy turns out to be real ... so what? Vulcans and Betazoids are telepathic.
(4) If telekinesis turns out to be real ... so what? Hello, Ocampa!
(5) Heck, even if omnipotence turns out to be real ... so what? There's the Q Continuum!
(6) So, don't worry, even if all allegedly supernatural phenomena exist, it all might just be natural phenomena.
(7) Just look at Star Trek.
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
FUNNY ARGUMENT
(1) Funny how ... [insert something smug that's neither here nor there]
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
WELL-KNOWN ARGUMENT
(1) We all know that ... [insert something that theists disagree with]
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM AMPUTEES (I)
(1) God has never healed an amputee!!!
(2) Bam!!!!
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM AMPUTEES (II)
(1) Sure, there are many reports of miracles.
(2) But there have never been any reports of any miracle in which someone suddenly regrew a lost body part.
(3) Therefore, all miracles are lies.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM AMPUTEES (III)
(1) Atheist: "Ha! I got you now!"
(2) Theist: "Really?"
(3) Atheist: "Oh, big time. You ready for it?"
(4) Theist: "I'm trembling."
(5) Atheist: "Okay. Here it is. The big one. ... Ahem ... There have never been any reports of ANY miracle EVER that supposedly regrew a person's lost body part. Not even one! Oh ... snap! What are you going to do now! It's the best argument ever! For atheism, that is!!! Muhahahahaha!!!"
(6) Theist: "Oh ... uh ... well ... what you said isn't exactly true."
(7) Atheist: [continues maniacal laughter, unable to hear anything but the sweet and melodious sound of undisputed triumph for atheists everywhere]
(8) Theist: "Right .... Well, for what's it's worth, there HAVE been some reports of miracles that have regrown body parts: Christ was said to have healed the "maimed" (which in the Greek meant those who had lost limbs). St. Augustine was said to have restored various amputated body parts. St. Attalus restored a man's dismembered thumb. St. John Damascene was involved with the regrowing of a person's hand. St. Anthony of Padua caused the regrowing of a man's foot. St. Francis of Padua caused a baby's eyes to grow back. Miguel Juan Pellicier's amputated leg grew back after holy oil was rubbed on the stump. Smith Wigglesworth was reported to regrow a person's leg with prayer, A.A. Allen to regrow a deformed baby's limbs, and again Allen Todd Benetly regrew someone's lost eye."
(9) Atheist: [catches his breath, wiping a bit of foam that had developed in corner of his mouth] "Sorry ... did you say something? I was a little distracted at how atheism just won."
(10) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM AMPUTEES (IV)
(1) Yeah, all right, so there have been SOME reports of miracles that supposedly regrew body parts.
(2) But those were probably just made up, so they still don't count.
(3) Same goes for all the other kinds of miracles.
(4) So, this changes nothing.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISM TAKING OVER EVERYTHING
(1) Atheism is on the rise.
(2) I'm totally convinced it's going to take over the world.
(3) I mean, I'm SO convinced.
(4) In fact, I'm so convinced, that it's inconceivable for me to think differently.
(5) Seriously, if people continue to resist atheism in the future, I won't be able to even process that.
(6) I would probably, like, lash out and commit genocide on those who oppose us.
(7) That's how completely convinced I am that atheism has it 100% in the bank!
(8) Thankfully, it won't come to that, of course.
(9) Because no one is going to resist atheism. I mean, let's just be honest.
(10) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM GODLESSS GEEKS (VII)
(1) The one comfort in my mind is that this website is copying us (except the complete opposite).
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
INTELLECTUAL ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Dawkins is an intellectual.
(1.5) Dawkins does not believe in God.
(2) Therefore, to be an intellectual, you aren't allowed to believe in God.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
INTELLECTUAL ARGUMENT (II), a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM D&D
(1) I want to be smart.
(2) Therefore, I will deny God exists.
(3) My character now magically gains +2 Intelligence.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
NEW ATHEIST ARGUMENT (IV)
(1) Normal Atheist: "Stop being so annoying! You're making atheists the most hated thing on the internet!"
(2) New Atheist: "Oh yeah? You haven't even begun to see annoying!"
(3) [New Atheist somehow becomes more annoying than what was previously thought possible.]
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
CHURCH ARGUMENT
(1) Someone didn't behave the way I wanted him to at church that one time.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
EUPHORIC ARGUMENT (I), a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM THE AUTOEROTIC ATHEIST BRAIN (I)
(1) In this moment, I am euphoric.
(2) Not because of any phony God's blessing.
(3) But because I am enlightened by my own intelligence.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
EUPHORIC ARGUMENT (II), a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM THE AUTOEROTIC ATHEIST BRAIN (II)
(1) Instead of worshipping some phony god, I worship my own intelligence.
(2) In other words, I'm an atheist.
(3) Theist: "I thought atheists didn't worship anything. Or are you saying you don't actually have intelligence? Is that how you can worship your intelligence and simultaneously worship 'nothing'?"
(4) Atheist: "Are you making fun of me? Shut up! I'm smarter than you!" [starts crying]
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM DRESSING THE PART (I)
(1) I wear a fedora.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM DRESSING THE PART (II)
(1) I have a neckbeard.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
HONEST ATHEIST ARGUMENT (for once)
(1) I have daddy issues.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HOMOSEXUALITY (VIII)
(1) I want to be gay with other men.
(2) I wany my faggotry celebrated by everyone.
(3) If that doesn't happen, God is evil (i.e. He doesn't exist).
(4) There are still people who don't appreciate how incredibly homosexual I am.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
SPOILED PRINCESS ARGUMENT
(1) If God is omnipotent, the world has to be exactly how I want it to be.
(2) The world is not conforming to my every whim.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SCIENCE
(1) It would be nit-picky to demand a proof that "a proof that God does not exist" exists.
(2) Science has a proof that God does not exist ... somewhere ... I'm sure of it.
(3) You can trust Science on that one, buddy.
(4) What? You don't think science is true?
(5) I guess you're a moron.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
CRUTCH ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Religion is a crutch.
(2) Crutches are ... bad.
(3) Therefore, religion should be destroyed.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
CRUTCH ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Religion is a crutch.
(2) Crutches make people weak.
(3) Therefore, we should get rid of crutches ... and religion, of course.
(4) Then people will be stronger.
(5) LOGIC!
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
CRUTCH ARGUMENT (III)
(1) Religion is a crutch.
(2) Crutches are for the weak.
(3) But I'm stwong!!
(4) In fact, I'm pretty much a perfect specimen of a human being ... mind, body, and [if it existed] soul.
(5) In fact, if I was any MORE perfect ... I'd probably die.
(6) Therefore, I don't need anything to make me better.
(7) Because it doesn't get any better than this, baby!
(8) Therefore, we need to throw all crutches/religions away.
(9) Otherwise, my perfection will be so great that I might start ... hurting people ... (because that's what people with crutches and religions do ....
(10) Therefore, God does not exist.
CRUTCH ARGUMENT (IV)
(1) Oh wait, religion is the opposite of a crutch.
(2) It doesn't help people.
(3) It makes them worse.
(4) I'm still going to call religion a crutch anyway because ... I don't know ... has a nice ring to it.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
LANGUAGE VIRUS ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Religion is a "language virus."
(2) You can pick it up from other people.
(3) You can pick it up from things.
(4) You can spread it to others.
(5) It can be resistant to treatment.
(6) Even if treated, you can get infected again.
(7) People can die from it.
(8) Now, this may be true about every idea ever.
(9) But since it's true about religion, it shows religion is bad.
(10) And it shows that "language health" consists of atheism.
(11) Therefore, atheists are the only ones who are healthy, and everybody else is suffering from a virus.
(12) Therefore, God does not exist.
LANGUAGE VIRUS ARGUMENT (II)
(1) It's true that given the aforementioned characteristics of a "language virus," atheism would also be a virus.
(2) But it's a good kind of virus.
(3) It's a virus that kind of makes you better somehow.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
LANGUAGE VIRUS ARGUMENT (III)
(1) Since we can't find any scientific reason to condemn religion, we're going to have to make up something stupid.
(2) Let's call religion a "language virus."
(3) That sounds nice and sciencey.
(4) Ha! You've just been infected you with our stupid idea!
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
LANGUAGE VIRUS ARGUMENT (IV)
(1) We should infect people with this pseudoscientific crap about religion being a "Language Virus."
(2) Otherwise, religion might grow and dominate over our atheist virus.
(3) That would be really embarrasing to evolution and all that.
(4) Therefore, commence linguistic biological warfare!
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MISOGYNY
(1) My girlfriend dumped me.
(2) That just proves how evil and selfish women are.
(3) Most women believe in God.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM MEMES (II)
(1) Richard Dawkins coined the term "meme."
(2) Therefore, all those memes that make fun of atheists actually prove atheists right.
(3) Even the ones that are doing the exact opposite.
(4) Yeah, especially those.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM CAMERON DIAZ
(1) Atheist: "Cameron Diaz is an atheist."
(2) Theist: "So?"
(3) Atheist: "She's the hottest actress ever!"
(4) Theist: "Ugh! no!"
(5) Atheist: "Are you gay or something?"*
(6) Therefore, God does not exist."
(7) *Not saying that gays is bad. But come on, man!
ARGUMENT AGAINST WILLIAM LANE CRAIG
(1) William Lane Craig uses the same arguments over and over again.
(2) They can be easily disproved.
(3) In fact, it's so easy, I'm not even going to try.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINST ANTONY FLEW (II)
(1) Theist: "Did you hear Antony Flew changed his mind and came to believe in God?"
(2) Atheist: "He did!!?!! Oh, I mean ... uh ... who's Antony Flew?"
(3) Theist: "He was the undisputed most important and outspoken atheist intellectual for fifty years. He debated many famous Christians, including C.S. Lewis."
(4) Atheist: "Meh. Never heard of him. So, he's not important. And even if he WAS a big deal ... who cares? So, that one guy stopped being an atheist. Doesn't change anything. So ... just shut up about him. I don't ever want to talk about that again."
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM DAN BARKER
(1) Atheist: "Did you hear Dan Barker became an atheist?"
(2) Theist: "Who's Dan Barker?"
(3) Atheist: "You don't know who Dan Barker is? You're stupid! He was Christian Pastor of some Quaker church. High up there. No, trust me he was a big deal."
(4) Theist: "Never heard of him. But if you say so."
(5) Atheist: "Yeah! He's an atheist now! Oh man! What are you going to do now?! Looks like everything you believed was one big lie! Dan Barker said so! Dan Barker!!!"
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM NEIL DeGRASSE TYSON
(1) Atheist: "Atheists are awesome! Just look at Neil DeGrasse Tyson!"
(2) Neil DeGrasse Tyson: "Stop calling me an atheist! I'm not an atheist! Stop making me your poster boy!" [N.D.T. has actually expressed this very sentiment]
(3) Atheist: "Shut up! You're awesome! Therefore, you're an atheist!"
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM GREEK PHILOSOPHERS
(1) Some Greek philosophers didn't apparently believe in some of their Greek gods.
(2) This meant they were "atheists."
(3) Therefore, all of western thought is founded on atheism.
(4) Therefore, only an atheist is, by definition, a smart person.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
CHURCK NORRIS ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Atheist: "God doesn't exist because Chuck Norris wouldn't allow it."
(2) Theist: "Chuck Norris is a devout Christian."
(3) Atheist: "Well, uh, that's just the actor who plays Churck Norris. The real Chuck Norris is an atheist."
(4) Theist: "I thought you atheists were supposed to be people who didn't just say stupid crap to make themselves feel better."
(5) Atheist: "I was just kidding. Geeze. You Christians can't take a joke."
(6) Theist: "I just don't know when you're trying to make a joke or an actual argument anymore."
(7) Atheist: "That's because Christians can't tell the difference."
(8) Theist: "Like there. Was that an attempt to criticize Christianity or was that just a joke?"
(9) Atheist: "Chuck Norris!" [atheist attempts a roundhouse kick to the face ... it doesn't go well]
(10) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO PROVE A NEGATIVE (VI)
(1) I can't prove Christians wrong.
(2) Therefore, somehow I'm right.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM REPITITION, a.k.a. AD NAUSEAM-ATHEIST ARGUMENT
(1) God does not exist.
(2) God does not exist.
(3) God does not exist.
(4) God does not exist.
(5) God does not exist.
(6) God does not exist.
(7) God does not exist.
(8) God does not exist.
(9) God does not exist.
(10) God does not exist.
...
(100) God does not exist.
...
(1,247) God does not exist.
...
(2,301,512) God does not exist.
...
(5,018,284,693,231,129,198) God does not exist.
...
(1,138,238,045,123,065,451,045,129,134,583,198,012,013,817,888,135,612^{1,234,567,890,987,654,321}) God does not exist.
...
(Infinity) God does not exist.
...
(Infinity+1) God does not exist.
...
(Infinity+Infinity) God does not exist.
...
(Etc) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM TESTABILITY (III)
(1) I'm not saying that if something isn't testable, it doesn't exist.
(2) I'm saying that it's entirely worthless.
(3) In other words ... um ... yeah, it doesn't exist.
(4) God is not testable ... that is, God is entirely worthless ...
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMEMNT FROM CHILD'S PLAY
(1) Showing that God doesn't exist is child's play.
(2) But we atheists aren't babies.
(3) So, we're not actually going to show you that God doesn't exist.
(4) That's because we're not babies.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
BIG LEBOWSKI ARGUMENT
(1) Theist: "God exists."
(2) Atheist: "Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man."
(3) Therefore God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HERALDRY (I)
(1) Griffins do not exist.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM HERALDRY (II)
(1) Other mythological creatures emblazoned on medieval coats of arms do not exist.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE AMAZING ATHEIST
(1) [Obscenity]
(2) [Sexist Rant]
(3) [Rape Joke]
(4) Peace the f*ck out!!!
(5) [Basement-dwelling Atheists give video thumbs up for some inexplicable reason]
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
POTTY-MOUTHED ARGUMENT (a.k.a. Most Frequently Used Argument Among Atheists)
(1) %#$%&*$%#@#$&$%^#$%*#$%@#@(%$@!
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM EQUALITY
(1) atheist > funDIE
(2) logic = logic
(3) (atheist + logic) > (funDIE + logic)
(4) Therefore, atheist logic is better than funDIE logic.
(5) Both have the same logic, but atheist logic is better because atheism.
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM IGNORANCE (III)
(1) Theist: [Says something.]
(2) Atheist: "What an ignorant statement."
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE BURDEN OF PROOF (VII)
(1) Atheist: "God does not exist."
(2) Theist: "Can you prove it?"
(3) Atheist: "Nope. The burden of proof lies with those who articulate a claim. Therefore, it is up to you to prove I'm wrong. Otherwise, I automatically win the argument."
(4) Theist: "But YOU made the claim. Shouldn't YOU prove your claim?"
(5) Atheist: "Nope. Times up! I win the argument."
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE BURDEN OF PROOF (VIII)
(1) The burden of proof lies with those who articulate a claim contrary to the widely accepted norm.
(2) Stop! Nevermind ... I forgot: atheism is the total opposite of the widely accepted norm ...
(3) Yeah ... darn.
(4) Wait, let me get in this last part in before we end this argument ...
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE ORIGIN OF SCIENCE
(1) Modern Science was invented in Christian Europe.
(2) Christians hate science.
(3) Therefore, (1) has to be a lie.
(4) Let us never speak of this again.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM PROBABILITY (VII)
(1) Some say that if the constants of the universe were a bit different, there wouldn't be any stars, planets, life, etc. and that it therefore suggests that the universe had some sort of designer.
(2) However, I say that if the constants of the universe were different, the universe would have "adapted," so that there would still be stars, planets, life, etc.
(3) This is because the universe is smart somehow.
(4) Not to say there is some kind of cosmic intelligence controlling the universe.
(5) Because that would be dumb.
(6) Therefore, the reason that the universal constants are tuned just right for stuff is because the stuff has been tuned by the universe to fit the constants, thanks to the universe (which, again, is super smart but not in the way that God is smart because that would be dumb).
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ISAAC ASIMOV
(1) I am an atheist, out and out. It took a while for me to say it.
(2) I don't have the evidence to prove that God doesn't exist, but I so strongly suspect that He doesn't that I don't want to waste my time.
(3) Even though this contradicts my atheistic worldview that everything must be tested by observational evidence.
(4) Evidence just doesn't matter when it comes to God's existence. Other than that, it DEFINITELY applies for everything else.
(5) It's okay to make a blind leap of faith just like theists do, except that I'm clearly right, and they're definitely wrong.
(6) Science is awesome.
(7) If you dare disagree, my fans will upload a picture of me superimposed over a picture of the Earth with one of my atheist/science (same thing, really) quotes and tell you what's up.
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ANONYMOUS (I)
(1) When inventing a god, the most important thing is to claim it is invisible, inaudible, and imperceptible in every way. Otherwise, people will become skeptical when it appears to no one, is silent, and does nothing.
(2) The Christian God has never appeared to anyone, has always been silent, and has never done anything.
(3) Therefore, someone invented God.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ANONYMOUS (II)
(1) When inventing a god, the most important thing is to claim it is invisible, inaudible, and imperceptible in every way. Otherwise, people will become skeptical when it appears to no one, is silent, and does nothing.
(2) But when a god does appear, is not silent, and does do something, that's when you REALLY need to be skeptical.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ANONYMOUS (III)
(1) Atheist: "When inventing a god, the most important thing is to claim it is invisible, inaudible, and imperceptible in every way. Otherwise, people will become skeptical when it appears to no one, is silent, and does nothing."
(2) Theist: "But many people have claimed to experience God in all these ways."
(3) Atheist: "Hey you know what? Shut your stupid face."
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM DIVINATION
(1) No one has ever seen a miracle, experienced any supernatural event, or seen any evidence that God exists.
(2) How could I possibly know that?
(3) My Magical Crystal Ball of Atheism told me that.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINST MIRACLES (XV), a.k.a. TOTALLY REASONABLE CRITERIA FOR DISMISSING EVERY MIRACLE EVER
(1) A miracle must be witnessed (though anecdotal evidence isn't enough ... so I take that back)
(2) A miracle must be recorded on video (but videos could be forged ... so I take that back)
(3) A miracle has to clearly defy the laws of physics (but if it does, science might be able to explain it later on, so maybe it's not defying the laws of physics ... so I take that back)
(4) A miracle should happen in such a way that science is able to conclude that God did it (but science can't do this by definition since science only studies physical phenomena which intrinsically excludes supernatural beings like God ... so I take that back)
(5) A miracle has to be reproducible (but if it's reproducible then it probably indicates something natural is happening rather than an exception to the laws of physics ... so I take that back)
(6) A miracle has to be in response to prayer (but if a person prays for something and it happens it could be coincidence or a trick or a post hoc fallacy ... so I take that back).
(7) A miracle has to convince me that it's a miracle (but the miracles you bring before me do not convince me, so that's proves they aren't miracles ... so I take that back)
(8) Therefore, there is no evidence of miracles (footnote: And there can never be any evidence for miracles due to the aforementioned rationalizations ... so please stop trying to convert me because you will always fail).
(9) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINST OMNIPOTENCE (VII)
(1) I will believe in God if I see an act of omnipotence.
(2) For example ... moving an immovable object.
(3) But ha! Immovable objects don't exist.
(4) And even if they did, they couldn't be moved by definition.
(5) And if God did move them, that just proves they're not immovable.
(6) So much for omnipotence.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OMNIPOTENCE (VIII)
(1) God is purported to be all-powerful.
(2) Could God create a being more powerful than Himself?
(3) If He can't, He's not all-powerful.
(4) And if He can, He's not all-powerful.
(5) This is because being all-powerful entails not being all-powerful.
(6) Otherwise, being "all-powerful" makes no sense.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM OMNIPOTENCE (IX)
(1) As Christians always point out (but we never listen) the definition of being "all-powerful" is being able to do anything ... but this excludes logical contradictions (because logical contradictions are not "things" in any meaningful sense).
(2) Yes, it's logically contradictory for an all-powerful being to create an even more powerful being, because then there would be a thing that is more powerful than that which is necessarily the most powerful.
(3) Therefore, even though God cannot create something more powerful than Himself, I admit this does not stop Him from being all-powerful.
(4) However, just wait a few minutes, and I'm going to forget this.
(5) And I'll bring back the same old, run-down atheist arguments against omnipotnece all over again.
(6) In fact, I feel one coming on right now ... just wait for it ...
(7) Behold! God can't be omnipotent! Because Mermurmuermrurm ...
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM ANIMAL ATHEISTS
(1) Animals don't believe in God.
(2) Humans are animals.
(3) Therefore, what the hell are humans doing believing in God?
(4) Therefore, humans are stupid when they do that.
(5) Stupid as ... um ... animals ...... yeah .....
(6) Therefore, God does not exist.
SCIENCE MALFUNCTION ARGUMENT (I)
(1) If God can go against the laws of physics, then science doesn't work.
(2) I checked, and science is still working.
(3) I guess God doesn't do anything / doesn't exist.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
SCIENCE MALFUNCTION ARGUMENT (II)
(1) If you believe in God, then you can no longer be a Scientist.
(2) You're just no longer part of the club, man.
(3) You're experiments and calcumalations will just stop working.
(4) I know because I'm a scientist.
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTIFIC FAITH (II)
(1) The very idea of faith is flawed.
(2) You shouldn't put your faith in a God.
(3) You should put it in ... humanity ... and science ... stuff like that, you know?
(4) So, don't put your faith in anything ... except for the things I told you to put faith in ... come on, you know what I'm talking about ...
(5) Therefore, God does not exist.
AGNOSTIC ATHEIST ARGUMENT?
(1) Hmmm...
(2) Meh.
(3) I dunno.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM THE BURDEN OF PROOF (IX)
(1) "Well, the belief in the Christian God is a matter of faith, not proof. Therefore, you can accept or reject it."
(2) Atheist: "Nope, it has to be a matter of proof. And since it can't be proved, it's not a matter of proof. And since it's not a matter of proof, it's proof that it's something that it's not. Namely, proof. But it's not proof. This proves that it's wrong. And THIS proves that it's not a matter of just accepting or rejecting it, but rather, proof that it's just the latter, namely, proof of rejecting it. Best proof of atheism ever? The answer is yes."
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS' REALLY GAY ARGUMENT (as confessed in his autobiography)
(1) When I was young and was in the middle of having sex with another young boy, I realized religion was dumb.
(1) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT AGAINST/FOR CARL SAGAN
(1) Carl Sagan said: "The atheist must know God does not exist. Atheists have to know much more of the universe than I do."
(2) However, Carl Sagan is too cool to have said this.
(3) Therefore, he did not say it.
(4) Therefore, God does not exist.
EUTHYPHRO'S DILEMMA (by Edward Feser)
(1) God's demands on us are arbitrary ... or if not, then He must be appealing to some standard outside Himself.
(2) Theists reply that neither is true because God is Goodness itself.
(3) But even if that's true, somehow (1) still applies ... so it totally doesn't solve the problem?
(4) It's just like Euclidean triangularity ...
(5) Euclidean triangularity as such makes arbitrary demands of particular Euclidean triangles when it requires of them that they have straight sides and angles that add up to 180 degrees ... or if not, then Euclidean triangularity as such must be appealing to some standard outside itself.
(6) Therefore, Euclidean triangularity is absurd.
(7) Therefore, God is also absurd.
(8) Therefore, God does not exist.
FUNDAMENTALIST ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Fundamentalist Protestants believe the Earth is 6,000 years old.
(2) Therefore, God does not exist.
FUNDAMENTALIST ARGUMENT (II), a.k.a. OVERWHELMING EXCEPTION ARGUMENT
(1) Fundamentalist Protestants believe the Earth is 6,000 years old.
(2) I admit, such people didn't even exist as a group in Christianity until recently.
(3) In fact, they still remain a distinct minority among Christians.
(4) Still, whatever they say must represent all of Christianity.
(6) Therefore, all Christians are just as stupid as they are, even the majority which are not as stupid as they are ... yeah, they're just as stupid.
(7) Therefore, God does not exist.
ARGUMENT FROM FEELINGS INSTEAD OF COMPLICATED LOGIC
(1) This website is "mean-spirited."
(2) In other words, I don't believe in God.
(3) Therefore, God does not exist.
STRAW MAN ARGUMENT
(1) This webpage is nothing but a bunch of straw man arguments.
(2) There ...
(3) Ha!!!
(4) That's all I gotta to do ...
(5) To prove that, well ... meh, I don't have to prove anything.
(6) That was easy.
(7) Almost ... toooo easy.
(8) Almost ... like ... I'm guilty of turning a blind eye to the fact that this list shows that every single atheist argument ever made has been a complete farce unto itself ...
(9) Suprise! These arguments are actually the best arguments ever! You lose, Christians!
(10) Therefore, God does not exist.

Ergo: FOOLISH ARGUMENT
          (1) The Bible says, "The fool in his heart says there is no God."
          (2) But look at our arguments.
          (3) Do you really think we're fools?
          (4) Obviously, we're the smartest people ever.
          (5) Therefore, God does not exist.